All Comments on 'New Family Position Ch. 01'

Please continue.

Definitely continue please....

I want to see where this goes.

good setup. let's see where this goes.

More please

You better continue with this or else

I think mammoet said it best ! 5*'s too.

Nice start hope you'll complete it....

Plz continue as soon as posible

Great start, more as soon as possible

Everything is a bit too "perfect".

I found his many protestations about how non-arrogant he is to be ironically arrogant. Overall, he seems a bit full-of-himself.

I've never heard of college graduates hanging out at frat parties, unless it's an alumni weekend. Generally speaking, graduates move on, become employed and take their master's courses part-time. They aren't still hanging out on campus. If he is as smart as you make him out to be, he should have had multiple, excellent job offers to choose from upon graduation.

He's the perfect lover and she's his perfect mate. They have perfect bodies, have perfect sex and everything is just oh-so-perfect. They are two-dimensional characters and lack any real depth.

Life isn't like this. Even Disney stories have more drama and conflict than this chapter does.

This chapter is listed as Incest/Taboo, but there are no hints of either of these genres in it.

"Site" designates a location, as in, "The battle was fought upon this site one-hundred years ago". "Sight" is seeing something, so it should have been "love at first sight", not "site".

Dark storm was a bit harsh, but correct. Don't make everything so 'perfect'. There's not too much more annoying than someone claiming loud and proud that they are not loud and proud. Methinks they protest too much. But please continue. It has the makings of a great story if you can modify the perfection.

Good start and potential story building. I am interested to see where it leads to.

As the other commenters said, everything is too perfect.

Your chapter is more like a page, its OK to post less often but post a complete chapter.

You don't make any kind of reference to your title in your chapter.

The first sentence is "It was at my sister in law's wedding that my life took an amazing and wonderful turn" then you don't mention it or anything about what this "... Wonderful Turn.." is.

I enjoyed the start of this story, take your time, get an editor, and please continue writing.

Way too much boring information. It took half the story to tell me they met and married and he was book smart. This could be disseminated throughout the story instead of all at the start. I skipped through thinking something else would happen in the next ten pages, but found it was less than one page. The long intro should have had many pages following in this first chapter.

Why is this in incest taboo, it is romance because they got married. Provided the bloke married Susan I guess.

No idea what the family position was as this obviously minor detail did not pop up and say, Here I am. Perhaps you mean it as Husband?

This story had potential. There are quite a few directions it could proceed, and still have all the characters woven into a truly good plot. Please continue on. I do agree, there is a tad too much perfection so far. Life is never that perfect. You may try to inject a little humor, or suspense, thus maintaining one's interest due to sub-plot twists. Keep writing, there is potential.

I like it. Keep going, please.

where is incest or taboo?

love the opening chapter. hopefully the next ones are a little longer!

Too many characters to follow

Catching up on this series - see where it goes. Not enough back story/depth for it to earn a full 5* - 4* this time out.