All Comments on 'New Girl in Podash Ch. 02'

i went thru some of your stories, you do like knocking up the girls in them, eh? (me too.)

the weakness i find with this story is the whole contract thing. if it can be proven that she hasn't read or understood the contract, then it can be broken. heck, the breeding thing can be broken anyway since no one can force you to have a child - IF SHE WANTS and is willing to sacrifice $.

so the problem isn't the contract per se, it is his harping on it like it binds her. it doesn't. it is the $money$ payment which she looses if she quits that binds her, that and her desperation.

so please don't have him harp on & her base her thinking on contract, have her think about the money and how desperate she is to be off the streets.

...is how unbelievable her reactions are. You don't know how to build any emotional depth. You write one sentence that has her shocked at the piercings. Then she promptly forgets them? Your main character sleepwalks through everything, with no sustained, believable reactions to her situation at all. The only place where you go into extensive detail is on the haircutting, and that's about as interesting and erotic as reading a beauty parlor trade magazine. Very, very two-dimensional.

Am enjoying this and do wonder who Master William is.

I agree the contract thing is kinda lame she coulda walked out at any time. cant bind someone to that kinda contract. was she druged through out the story?

It is never stated that this story takes place in any actual time or place. This could take place in a society where laws are different. It's called New Girl in Podash, was that not a hint to any of you, it also talks about men adorning their women with piercings and women with strange hair cuts.

I agree that some statements could be made to clairfy the setting. However, don't criticise the plot of this story because of it. It is a fantasitc story on submission thus far. I hope this author continues with the story.

i thought it was good, please continue... and fast! i want to know who this william guy is!

Nice story would love to read more of this down the road !