All Comments on 'New Life'

Nice beginning it has potential so keep writing.

I would definitely read more of this. It's a good premise; there are quite a few typos or bits that don't make much sense, so an editor would probably help a lot. If you'd like, I'll volunteer to edit for you. Other than the grammatical stuff it is really good. Good work. Keep it up.

Thank you for writing this engaging introduction. I look forward to the next installment.

So far so good looking forward to reading more of this story.

I enjoyed the intro and would like to read more,

there were a few minor mistakes that were easily over looked but all in all an excellent start to what looks like a good tale looking forward to reading more

Like the start of this story, different than most others hope it continues

great start to the story. I look forward to next posting

You caught my attention

Anya is confusing and a bit immature acting. I know she is young but her mindset seems to be that of a early teenager. She was all scared to go to Luna's home and meet the pack but as soon as they got there she has some what of an attitude. Maybe I'm reading her wrong.

I'm sorry, the immaturity of the characters, the spelling and all the grammatical errors make it hard to read, it has potential, you have potential, maybe get an editor, though not sure what you can do for the immaturity of the characters.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

needs and editor. Too many spelling and grammar errors

It's definitely and interesting story line but you desperately need an editor. The writing and speech patterns of the characters suggest that you are a teenager or someone from the 'hood' but clearly your characters are not. You need to decide a direction and stick to you it. Right now you threw a lot out there at once. Don't complicate your characters this early. But overall not bad! Keep writing kid.

u have a great idea going.. yea it has some issues i was sure they were in high school not college.. lol most definately needs an editor.. i could care less if there is sex in this story as long as u keep it interesting.. so thanx a bunch 4 a story line a bit different from the rest.. hope u keep writing and progressing.. :-)

Story is nice. The humans knowing about weres is something very few writers have written about, so you have the chance to do some new world-building there. The poor grammar, punctuation, and spelling/vocabulary can be corrected by an editor so your story flows smoothly. Inconsistencies are more distracting. Take the time to get facts straight and make characters consistent. The dog has been Anya's friend for 10 years, but in the next sentence she found him 6 years earlier. Anya is afraid, but then acts confrontational in a den full of huge male weres.

Yves

You've got a good start but as others have said grammar, spelling and punctuation need some work. You need someone to proof your work. Hope you continue. The possibilities for this new world are large and could provide a great number of stories & story lines

Also really childish plot line and characters so far. It seem like Anya and Luna only just met and Anya's dialogue was very weak.

Well I like it, found it witty and really refreshing. Don't you hate it when people overly critic something they got for free? Like omw this free pen I get isn't working properly, shut up its free!! Anyway its not perfect but even JK Rowling didn't start off perfectly. Do keep writing, look forward 2 the next chapter unless you mate her with an omega (aint no body got time for that) I'm good with alpha heir as a mate

I loved it, no matter if things were not done to others ways... I can't wait to read more, I was hopping that there was more but not yet.. please bring more there is alot of us out here that will love to read more...

que

Good start to what could become an interesting story but you do need either a proof reader or an editor to weed out the spelling issues and help with the story. This is not meant in a negitive connotation just in the way to sharpen up your story. Phoenixbreez.

Despite a few grammatical errors, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I think your characters appear interesting, funny and plain likeable!

The length of the chapter was great, particularly for the introduction to the story and hopefully we'll have another instalment to read soon.

I like the story line so far. Definitely look at getting a editor or someone to proof read because there was a fair bit a spelling and grammar errors. I am looking forward to reading more of this story. Good luck!

let me guess daniel will be her mate. atleast it wont be the alpha since he has one already.if you do have them get together please dont turn her into a were fucking bimbo keep her fight make him work for it.

A very good sstory line so far hope you keep it up!

You most definitely need an editor, which I'm more than willing to help with, but the storyline is great so far...keep up the good work :)

I like the beginning. You do need an editor. I think you coud have cleaned some of it up. Alot of small mistakes could have been caught by spell-check or just reading it over. You wouldn't need tons of editing after cleaning it up. I like that you tried to develop different personalities. The only critique I would make is that sometimes you go into a lot of detail about extraneous things. Like going into so much detail about how Lucien lives and such was a bit distracting. I like how you are peppering info about the new world they live in where humans and Weres live together. I think you have to capitalize Weres like this b/c if not it is confused with 'were' and it is hard to read. I wouldn't be insulted by the person who said 'let me guess it's daniel' as it is always pretty obvious who the mate might be and you left interesting questions like what it is they smell on her and are mates fated or does he just like her? Keep goin

Good start. I like the characters and the action. Please do have someone else read before submitting. I know proofing your own work is tricky, the eye sees what it expects to see and that is not always what is truly present.

Great start.

This is a really good story, although I have to agree with the rest of the readers. You do need an proofreader. Had me laughing though at Anya's reaction to the Daniel and the Alpha. Cannot wait to read the rest.

You NEED an editor fast. If you don't spell check as least read your own story out loud to yourself and see how it sounds. It helps a lot. You've typos and words in sentences that don't belong and are out of place.

You are also confusing the reader on who actually is talking and which character view point it's coming from.

Personally, I couldn't get past the first 4 paragraphs. It didn't flow.

You have a great idea and I see that you wrote more chapters, but I'm very hesitant to even look at them because of this bad beginning.

Great first chapter. Def would recommend an editor. Scent is the word you are looking for in this context. You’ve got a good story line going though!!!