by Lothario the Great
I really got into the back and forth dialog between the two. Your tale was well-paced. Five stars!
Five stars for enjoyability. I didn’t care for the style of writing, but it was still a fun read.
Bill S.
[14.02.23]
Tres Romantique!
Buuut one quibble:
Re: your bit about fish tacos
["Fish tacos, huh?"
"Come on. You'll love 'em."
"Only in California."]
You're only 1/4 correct.
"Only in California" is 1/2 correct as the modern or 'Baja' style 'fish taco' originates in Baja California Mexico in 1970 at Fenix Tacos and gained popularity in SoCal/Southern California (not 'south California" as you put it) in the early 1980's at Rubio's in the Bay Area by Ralph and Ray Rubio who experienced them in Baja California, Mexico.
But then your 1/2 correct goes down 1/2 of 1/2 or 1/4 as 'fish tacos' have been around for thousands of years in the coastal regions of what is now called 'Mexico'.
Growing up on a 5/8 Hispanic street in SoCal and being married to a woman of Mexican descent for over 25 years - I know a little about what I speak.
Captain Pedantic descends his soapbox.
But overall 11/10!!!!!
Great premise.
Beautifully told.
Would have liked some dialog about what they were doing to each other while they were doing it. And, instead of it being perfect, a little encouragement and direction/s from one to the other would seem to have helped.
Maybe some questioning about whether what they were doing to/for/with each other was as good as they had imagined it to be.
Nevertheless, five stars.
Excellent writing! This is the second or third time that I have enjoyed this wonderful story. I would have enjoyed a full page worth of conversation with Bev!
Really loved this. I found this by accident so not sure if there's a follow up but hoping there is. Loved the characters and the build up. Nice work!
More than that even, a fantastic story. I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall when they told Ben’s twin sister that they, Ben and Tamara, were now “a couple”. I went from sixth grade through high school with three different pairs of twin girls and I was always amazed at how each pair handled situations concerning each other. Twins are certainly not predictable just because they’re “twins”. Like I said, great story.
I loved it, I caught myself laughing out loud at least half a dozen times. It reminds me of my final year of high school and my first “true” love. Just a wonderful story. I think I’m going to go back and read it again right now. 5 stars, without a doubt.
I started to read this story, but gave up. For some reason the dialogue just quickly caused me to get bored with it and gave up after a couple of pages.
Just loved it. Great read - so well-written. Loved every bit of it.
Very nice. Well paced and a lot more believable. As their hook-up became clear I began to imagine the break-it-to-Bev storyline. Lot's of options there (no incest thank you) and was a little disappointed we didn't get there.
Awesome! I've loved this story ever since I first came across it, and honestly I fantasized something similar when I went through a bad breakup. The tender romantic testing of the waters really made it real for me.
Great story, great buildup, wow finish. :)
What you have here is the correct way to communicate.
Absolutely awesome.
Thc!
well written and romantic. it was one of the best i've read. excellent work hopefully there is another chapter
That was a great story. I really liked the build up to the great sex scene. It was well writen. Keep up the good work. Maybe there can be a sequel to this story. Their relationship would be a good one to write more about.5***** toby9790.
I liked the discovery of each others feelings and why past relationships never worked out. The slow and steady build up to midnight, etc.
A great story.
Next chapter?
Very well done, great characterization, great dialog. I like how you can let the reader know what is in the character's mind. Lovely lovely story! And not surprising at all, after your first story! Some of the best writing I've seen here!
Great story, there was great chemistry between the characters, and the sex was hot!
The dialogue was very well-written. I loved the tension going on between the main characters throughout, and you captured Ben's thoughts perfectly.
this was the hottest thing ever. I loved it. it seemed exactly like how i got together with my gf, except she was my brother's gf's younger sister.
A beautiful love story. I enjoyed it more than I can tell you. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
I know it is bad but I literally never leave comments or vote, but this story IS truly awesome Well Done!
wowie wowzie wowzie wow! this was awesome!
normally i scroll through stories to get to the "good stuff", but i loved reading this entire story! the 3-page wait was so worth it!
...where do i start praising this story? ok first off the dialogue was awesome! i mean this could be an awesome awesome fucking awesome movie! and it was real... the way the two main characters found each others love was genius and real at the same time... this is pretty much one of the best story i have read here and believe me i have read a LOT and probably will be for a long time to come...
i say thank you...
That is the hottest thing I have read in a long time.
Wonderful play with the frontier between the real world
and a fantasy world.
Every time I see a new story in your list, it's like Christmas, only more orgasmic. They're never disappointing - intelligently written, well developed, and **incredibly hot**. Always worth waiting for... even if it takes a year.
So much romance in your stories, LtG...too bad fairy tales don't come true.
Kate
THIS is why Lothario is on my Favorites list. It seems as though everything this writer touches turns to gold. My only regret is that it was a year-long wait between stories, but after reading this, the regrets quickly faded. If I have to wait until 2008 for the next LtG story, I'll wait until 2008.
<P>Well played, Lothario. Well played.
Long, but kept moving. Even though you knew the ending from the start it still built up nicely.
Great!
i just wanted to say how much i loved this story - am so jealous of tamara and ben and their love for one another!
beutifully written!
Loved it!!