Night Deposit Ch. 03

"Belle, please take me home."

I looked at the dinner check, pulled out some money to cover it and stood up, leaning heavily on my cane. I was so tired with everything.

My right leg had been bothering me even more, lately. The accident that killed Esther and threw me across the street to collapse on the asphalt had severely damaged my spine. Every bone in my back had been fractured and the worse damage was in my lower back, leaving me in a constant pain that left me exhausted.

Belle put her arm around my waist and helped me down the stairs. I hated stairs. We slowly walked through the parking structure and found the car.

"Are you OK, Vince? I don't want to hurt you, baby, and I don't want to keep Nancy wondering what's going to happen. If you can't do it, that's fine, I'll understand and so will she."

By the time we left Hermosa, I told her I would go along with it, even if it killed me to see her everyday while she was still in our apartment. I told her I would do it for her... as long as I could.

"Would you like to go to one of her sessions? She asked me to tell you, that is, if you want to."

I was sick of seeing doctors. Even now, I still had to see a pain specialist and a neurologist because of my spinal damage; while Dr. Hemphill had done her best with me and I could face the situation, I knew it was still going to be strange at the very least and heartbreaking at the worst.

By the time we got home, it was dark. I noticed a few light bulbs that needed changing and hoped I remembered long enough to write it down when we got inside.

That was another problem: my short term memory wasn't worth a damn thing, anymore. I had cracked my skull on the cement curb and had a concussion so bad it had kept me in a coma for almost a week.

I had grown my hair longer to cover the scars but now, I was starting to thin out and the scars were coming back, staring at me every morning when I shaved.

As time went by, my attitude and perception of Nancy slowly changed for the better. Her medication had returned to me the woman I once loved with my whole being, the woman I was once willing to die for, to cherish forever and the three of us now met weekly with her psychiatrist.

I still met with my psychologist and for a while, I thought I was going to spend all my time with one doctor or another, just as I did when I first left the hospital.

I realized that I would have died for her, if need be, just as I would have for Esther and Belle. I just couldn't live with her then.

My love for her never really left, it had been only overshadowed by my grief and anger for what had happened to us.

That was what Belle had in mind when she convinced me to have Nancy live with us. It seems she was talking to my psychologist herself, before ever approaching me with the idea... it's amazing the secrets women have.

There are those that speak of closure but for most of us, it never occurs. There can be no closure when someone we love is suddenly taken away from us and not a day goes by that I don't think of my Esther.

The grief remains. Sometimes it lies dormant for a while and then surfaces at the oddest times, memories brought back by some subtle prompt that only your heart and soul would recognize.

The pain from what I considered the emotional death of Nancy and our marriage to the very real and tragic death of Esther remains with me for the rest of my life, however long that may be, to the end of time.

Esther's wedding picture hangs on the living room wall, put there by Belle. At first, I was uncomfortable with it, especially after we married but Belle, to her everlasting credit, said that Esther had been so much a loving part of both of our lives, there was no way she couldn't not have it there.

Many a night, Nancy would suddenly rise from the couch and go to her room and we could her softly crying. I knew Belle expected me to do something, to comfort my former wife some way, but what could I do that wouldn't somehow lead to a renewed romance... if not from my side, possibly from hers.

I woke to the smell of bacon frying in the kitchen and the quiet clatter of silverware being laid out on the table. Belle had already left the bed so I lay there alone for a while, wondering why she had left me by myself. She knew I liked it in the morning.

Due to my spinal pain which comes and goes and then comes back with a vengeance, I would stay up half the night and then usually sleep in past eight in the morning. I looked at the nightstand clock... seven. Jesus Christ, who was cooking that early?

Putting on a robe, I walked toward the kitchen and heard the two of them talking about me. I stopped and listened. I don't usually eavesdrop on people but...

The sound of Nancy's voice came to me. "...could if he agrees. What do you think?"

"He'd probably like that. I bet he thinks about it every once in a while; but he never seems to do anything to make it happen."

What the hell were they talking about?

"I can never thank you enough, Belle, for somehow convincing him to let me stay here. I can never repay you for that, let alone him... I was so afraid he never wanted to see me again."

"That is true. He didn't. All these years, wasted for you. That's such a shame because now, he can see who you really, really are."

There was a pause. "Are you sure he doesn't still hate me? He seems so... so distant when he's around me."

"Nancy, if he didn't love you so much, his sorrow would have disappeared long ago.

"Don't you realize that you're always going to be his first love? You'd be here, with him and your children if God hadn't played such a cruel joke on all of us."

Well, I thought, that was an interesting comment by my Belle.

She continued. "I honestly don't know what to tell you. Vince is a very emotional man. He loves fully, with his whole being... and the reverse is true. He never was half-way with people. He either liked you or he didn't and he wasn't afraid to tell you why.

"With you, though, it's different. I've seen how he is when you're in the room with us. He's remembering the good times and it's hard on him but I want... no, I need the two of you to regain that love you had for one another... trust... that's going to take a long time."

My own skepticism was quickly mirrored by Nancy.

"But, why? You've been so nice to me and I treated you so poorly back then... and what I did with Vince... my God, it terrifies me to even think about it and it was twenty years ago."

"Listen," Belle said, "you were such an important part of his life; what happened shaped the rest of his life, Esther's life, my life, your life forever... everything, good and bad, came from your condition.

"I love my husband. It hurts me to see him... well, let's just say, as much as he tried to hide it from Esther and me, he was destroyed for a long time and I want him to get past that finally and it's your job to help me with it and that's why I agreed to meet with you and eventually become your friend four years ago."

"Do you really think he'd want to do it... with both of us?"

"I think so. If we ask him the right way, approach it the right way."

"You know, the saddest thing was that I never had a child with him and the best thing was that I never had a child with him.

"I thank God for that. I would not have made a good mother, then.

"So," she asked Bell, "when do you think we should ask him?"

"I'm thinking tonight before I chicken out, again. We'll make a special dinner for him and make him happy and then present it. You can start on the cookies as soon as he leaves and I'll sit down with you and put together a menu he's sure to like."

"It's funny, when you think about it. Any man would jump at the chance to do it with two women who love him and we're trying to convince him that it would be good for the three of us."

"Yeah, well, we both know Vince isn't any man. He's a special man with a different... what, here we both know him and we don't know how to describe him. That's crazy. I just know he'll like it if we do it."

Miguel came over to take me around the apartments. Since Nancy had moved in, I had started to visit the buildings each day. When Belle couldn't drive me, Miguel did and then he and I would have lunch somewhere.

What they were talking about... I had some crazy ideas what it might be, but couldn't believe Belle would do something like that. On the other hand, I would have never believed that Nancy would have done what she did, either.

I didn't know if I was running away from facing her... but then, yes, I had to admit, I was. I needed to work out my feelings myself. The psychologist helped but she was a woman, too, and I needed to work it out from a man's point of view.

I stopped by what had been Esther's apartment where we had lived for those short, so wonderfully happy years. Now, I know why she was trying to live life like there was no tomorrow. For my Esther, there's wasn't.

There was a young couple living there now, with a baby girl. They seemed very happy and I hoped that life would be kind to them.

I purposely came back as late as I could. Miguel had to get home to his own wife and five children. Part of his compensation was a free apartment and enough money to live a decent life.

I had given him a raise each time for the first three children but then I told him he was on his own for any others, I couldn't afford to subsidize his love life anymore.

Miguel was the hardest worker I had and when he finished at El Camino with his AA in horticulture, we were going to talk about starting a plant nursery as a joint venture.

The time to go home finally arrived and I sat on the porch a while, wondering what crazy idea Belle had hatched together with Nancy.

I'll say this for them, they sure put together a nice dinner out back. There were tiki torches and a baked ham and fruit and enough exotic stuff to call it a luau. Both of them were wearing grass skirts and bikini tops. Even though they both were in their 40s, it still was a gratifying sight for my tired eyes.

And, I figured it out.

Hawaii... Belle wanted to go to Hawaii, again. We hadn't ever returned after Esther was gone. We went other places, even more exotic than that: Tahiti, New Zealand, Australia, and all over Europe... but, never Hawaii... and, I was never able to take Nancy because I never knew which Nancy I would have been taking.

It was either that, or a threesome and I knew I wasn't... well, maybe my mind wasn't but my other mind sure was and I quickly sat down on the blanket-covered lawn with a napkin to hide my now very hard and demanding erection.

They wanted to go to Hawaii!!! I laughed like a fool, falling over onto the grass, holding my sides, tears coming to my eyes, it was so funny what I had been thinking at first.

Belle had brought out the stereo speakers and the music ranged from the 60s surfing music to Do Ho.

Nancy brought out the Honey-baked ham and the two of them, one on each side of me as I sat on the blanket, began feeding me tastes of this and that. While the food wasn't too much more than a regular California picnic with some pineapple and mangoes thrown in, the fact that they had gone to so much trouble, even if they were a couple of schemers, gladdened me.

I never thought I would be sitting next to my ex-wife again, let alone be almost comfortable with it. Coupled with what I had heard in the morning and the cooperation the two of them were showing, I realized that the past could finally take care of itself and leave me alone.

I never asked how she came to use a cane and she never brought it up with me. I did find out from Belle, though, that one of Nancy's Friday night pickups had thrown her down the stairs.

While I couldn't forget what happened, I also knew I couldn't hold her responsible for it any longer, either. Her bi-polar manic-depression had affected everyone in our little family circle, her most of all. When medication finally became available and she was diagnosed, the realization of what truly happened almost destroyed her.

Between the life insurance and the settlement from the lawsuit from the accident, Belle and I had bought several more buildings and the rents coming in kept us in a comfortable lifestyle. Without having to keep a schedule, a trip to Hawaii was actually an easily doable trip...

It was time for me to take the hint so I waited for a lull in the conversation the two of them were having and said, "How would you like to go to Hawaii?"

Since I happened to be looking at Belle at the moment I said it, I saw Nancy's disappointment and I quickly added, "the two of you?'

Her face lit up with a smile, the same smile I remembered from our wedding day when we both said 'I do,' and...

I stopped thinking about it, not wanting to go where the rest of the day eventually led.

While managing properties was a full-time job, none of us had a 'real' job so there was nothing to do but book the tickets and the hotel and maybe get some new swim trunks for me. I began to wonder if I could still surf as I had back in the 60s when everyone was a beach boy and girl and the sun always seemed to shine. Even though I walked with a cane, I still moved well in the water.

"Since," I began, "you two have gone to all this trouble, I'm going to leave the details to your capable hands. Just make it for a couple of weeks, though. I'd rather want to go back than become bored."

"You won't get bored, Vince, honey, that I can promise you."

"I'll have to hold you to that, Belle," I said, "and you, too, Nancy."

"That's the first time you've called me by name, Vince, since I've come to live here. Thank you. Thank you for giving me a second chance with you... and Belle. I'm sorry I never met Esther, I think she would like me... now..."

She seemed to run out of words and became silent. I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, the first kiss in twenty years. I could feel her tension; "it'll be OK, just give it time like I'm trying to do."

I used a finger to wipe her tears away as best I could but she didn't seem to stop. I looked at Belle for help but she just smiled and walked inside. She continued to amaze me.

Women and their secrets...

I just held Nancy to me and let her cry it out. Later, after everything had been cleared and put away, she came to me and tenderly kissed me. "Thank you, Vince," she said and closed the door to her bedroom.

I went in our own bedroom and began undressing for sleep. A long time ago, I used to wear pajamas but after the accident, I couldn't any longer, not that Belle minded as her hands would seek me out each night of our married life.

I would have liked to have a son or daughter but it just wasn't in the journey of my life. With Belle, it was physically possible but before we married, she said she didn't want any. The country, she said, wasn't a good place to raise a child, especially one of color. Unfortunately, I had to agree. Still, it would have been nice to have a little daughter in a nice pink dress, skipping down the street.

My life had been a series of 'what could have beens'...

I am sure there are those who would have never given Nancy a second chance. I am sure that there are those who would have resented the loving conspiracy that Esther and Belle had made so both could love me as my wife. I am sure there are those who would be angry with Esther never telling me about her sickness, but I understood why.

In life you have to play the cards you've been dealt and that was what I intended to do for whatever life we had left, just as I had when I fell in love with Nancy that late September day, just as I had when I fell in love with Esther and Belle.

Thank you for reading.

Chocolate Raisin cookies

Just like the popular candy, chocolate and raisins go great together!

Ingredients

2 sticks (1 cup) salted butter, softened

2 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup (packed) dark brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

9 ounces raisins (about 1 1/2 cups)

6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips (about 1 cup)

Hardware

Whisk

Microwave safe bowl

Large bowl

Medium bowl

Cookie sheets

Mixer

Step 1: Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.

Step 2: In a microwave safe bowl, combine butter and chocolate and heat in microwave until melted. Stir well; set aside.

Step 3: In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside.

Step 4: In a large bowl, with an electric mixer, blend sugars on medium speed.

Step 5: Add remaining 1/2 cup butter, and beat until grainy paste forms.

Step 6: Add eggs and vanilla extract, beat at medium speed until light and fluffy.

Step 7: Add the flour mixture, raisins, and chocolate chips. Blend at low speed until just combined.

Step 8: Drop by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheets.

Step 9: Bake 20-22 minutes or until set. Transfer cookies immediately to a cooling surface.

Makes 48 cookies.