by oggbashan
It was a bit rushed at the end, and the editing was noticeably worse in the last few paragraphs, but overall a well done story.
I'm a little bothered by the consent issues in it, though. A similar story with a female protagonist would be easily considered straight up rape. Even the best intentions don't really excuse taking advantage like that, not even when they're actually helpful. I kind of wish there'd been some discussion of that.
What a creative and unusual story. I'm rarely surprised by a premise, but this one was very different, inventive, well-suited to the theme and praise-worthy in it's conception.
As always, your writing was streamlined and precise. It suffers a bit at the end. I'm guessing you were watching the sand fall as you finished.
Still, small blemishes aside--none of which really distract, in my opinion--I found this entertaining and enjoyable. It impressed me greatly right out of the gate with its uncommon plot, and kept me hooked with solid writing.
I tend to reward daring and originality. This shows both.
This guy really is super human. If he fought with the Australians in Borneo he would be in his late seventies at least