All Comments on 'Nina's First Adventure'

...and my last. We broke up that night.

That is how the story should have ended. Sorry it didn't

Writing is worthy enough. But really, looking for a hook up in a Walmart? Is Craigslist not skeezy enough?

Just some more racist idiocy. Not sexy, not interesting, just boring and racist.

fag cuck shit.

1*

I love sex, especially when it is wives fucking random guys, so my 2 rating is not because I am some conflicted zealot that reads these stories, hates themselves for it, and then gives you a bad score because of it. My first issue is with wal-mart. Talk about unsexy. The second problem is with the title. It should be something like whore gf goes to wal-mart. If it is your first time, you are timid, excited, concerned, etc. You don't typically start out walking up to a random guy and reaching into his pants. The writing has potential. It just needs considerably more thought.

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

taking the wife there to get laid may be a new low. I guess Kmart would be worse.

to be taken seriously

I salute you for taking the time and having the nerve to post your first story in Loving Wives. Surprisingly while you got mostly negative comments, not altogether unjustified, you didn’t get the ‘eat shit and die’ variety so common on this site.

Now on to your story—you have chosen a plot that’s very common here and if one overlooks your beginner’s errors, you didn’t do a real bad job. Since I like to offer constructive criticism, I’ll point out a few things, if I may.

#1 Watch words that sound alike but means different things. Ex: his fiancé had wasted no time…not waisted. Nina shed her jacket, not jacked. (Typing error spell check will miss) I thought I saw others while reading, but can’t find them now.

#2 Watch the short choppy sentences. These abound throughout this story. Ex: 3rd paragraph—consider this rewrite: Each symbol had a meaning, the first one simply meant slut. Nina….

#3-Proper punctuation, while not vital for a readable story, should be strived for, especially concerning dialogue. Nothing will jerk a reader out of a story faster than improper dialogue punctuation. Ex: Paragraph 14, if I counted correctly should read something like this:

“You live here?” the man asked.

“No, but my fiancé and I have a hotel room.” She tried to give him her best smile.

“Think he’ll be OK with it? After all, he might show up.” Grinning, he rubbed her pussy with one finger.

Just remember—when writing dialogue, a new paragraph MUST begin every time the speaker changes.

If you want to continue writing, you should spend some time reading articles in the Writer’s Resources section here on Lit.

Good Luck!

I liked the premise of your story, but I was rapidly put off by the simple spelling errors and by the poor punctuation scattered throughout. I do admire you for posting, something I've not done on this site, but I have on other sites, and what you need most of all is an editor.

Just some questions: "The two had decided to venture out of their local neighborhood for their first hot wife experience"...But she after all wasn't his wife but only his fiancée...Then in the end he was hubby again...They weren't married and already want to venture in "Hot Wife" life style? Will they get married at all? He doesn't show any respect or love for her and she doesn't show any self-respect or love for him...They are having fun...Then soon or later each will follow their own way...The writer used in it almost all the stereotypes of this kind of stories...No need to refer to them...they are all there...1*

Just can't illiterate the difference between a Whore and a Hot Wife, can they?

I frequent this site to read about wives being fucked, not girl friends. 1*

Nothing new, nothing original, and absolutely nothing erotic. So some guy enjoys watching people fuck, especially with the woman has some emotional connection to him; could be his wife, his sister, his mother? Does it matter? And neither partner appreciates any special risk just picking up a stranger and fucking him? But we're supposed to suspend that concern because this is erotic fiction, and you just want to write your version of a cuckold wanking story, because . . ., why? What's special about your version of a demented weenie wanting his wife/girl friend/sister/mother fucked by Godzilla cock?

Try this. Read all the other cuck stories on this website. Yeah, I know, how many years will that take? Then start looking for the repeated boring predictable patterns, and see if you can find something different and original to put into your stories. Big cocks, big tits, buckets of cum, screaming mind-bending orgasms, and panting wanking cuckboys have been pretty much done, and done, and done some more.

Once you get what you think is a really unique interesting approach, write it up, then put in in Fetish, where is belongs. Would you do that for us, or at least consider it?

Thanks.

I only made it through the first two paragraphs before the horrible grammar and punctuation made me give up. Please get an editor.

How can she be a slut wife, when she isn't even a wife??? 1*

Ugh, couldn't get through the third paragraph. Did you proof read before posting? Or maybe get someone to do it for you before posting.

The sound made by this turd hitting the trash can. Give it up..

Just out of interest, what is the 'Loving Wives' category of this website SUPPOSED to be for?

On the admittedly few occasions that I've strayed into this category I always seem to find hotwife/slutwife/cuckold stories, with loads of comments about the story having been posted in the wrong section.

Although I personally couldn't give a flying f*** about what particular category a story gets posted in, all these comments do make me curious as to what a legitimate 'Loving Wives' story is supposed to be like.

Most of the other categories are fairly self-explanatory, so you know what type of thing you'll be getting when you click into them, but 'Loving Wives' sounds a bit vague to say the least.

Are these stories just supposed to be about a husband and wife sharing some sort of 'sexy time' together and showing how much 'in love' with each other they are, or is it specifically supposed to be about wives having affairs and that kind of thing?

Neither sound particularly appealing really (perhaps this isn't the category for me) but I'm just curious as to what the difference actually is between this category and, let's say, the 'Romance' section - something I don't go anywhere f***ing near!

If, as I suspect, this category is supposed to be a bit 'edgier' than the sort of thing you might read in the Romance section, then what is the distinction between what should be posted in here versus what should be posted in the 'Fetish' section?

Also, another sore point seems to be the technicality of whether the woman in the story is actually married or not. Seems a bit pointless to me really (either the story's a good one or it's a load of s***) but there you go. Though this does pose the question of where a story should be posted if it's a perfect example of exactly the sort of story that should be posted in this section....except for the fact that the woman in the story is only a girlfriend or fiancé, rather than an actual wife!

I do think some people on here need to calm the f*** down before they give themselves a f***ing heart attack or something, but that's just me.

Any answers to this aren't exactly going to change my life or anything like that, and I'm certainly not thinking about posting any stories myself, but if anyone wants to reply to this with an answer to any of the above, then go right ahead....and thanks in advance I suppose.

re:

Some Questions (for anyone who knows/cares)

Just out of interest, what is the 'Loving Wives' category of this website SUPPOSED to be for?

On the admittedly few occasions that I've strayed into this category I always seem to find hotwife/slutwife/cuckold stories, with loads of comments about the story having been posted in the wrong section.

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Some of the arguments are for examples:

Whether fetishes which cuckolding and creampie eating are belong in LW or in fetish with the other fetishes?

Does femdom properly belong in BDSM like other domination stories?

Does the 'husband' sucking the 'bulls' cocks make it more properly a gay sex story?

The categories are in place so that readers can easily find what they want to read (and avoid that which turns them off).