Nirvana Ch. 02

With a few fast strokes and licks, Owen felt himself about to finish, but he didn't want it to end yet. He took his hand out of his mouth and held Noel's head, guiding him to a slower pace. He took two deep breaths, willing himself to calm down, but the feeling was more than intoxicating.

Noel licked the full length of his cock from base to head, swirled his tongue around the frenulum, and teasingly licked his way back down. He loved the taste of it, the look of it, the smell of it. And, most of all, he loved how responsive Owen was. He loved the delicious sounds that came out of his mouth erratically. The haunting sob he made after he'd been holding his breath for longer than he should, and the yelp that came out when he teased him.

He wrapped his mouth around the head, and felt the pulse in his own dick pounding strongly. His five senses were overwhelmed with ecstasy; he knew all it would take for him to finish was one tug.

The fervour in his movements and velvet feel of his tongue made Owen lose the fight against his adrenaline. He was no longer keeping quiet -and he couldn't even if he wanted to. Steamy, deep, and loud grunts came of his mouth. His eyes shut tightly and shoulders rose off the bed. He thrust up in a spasm, and felt a rush run through his body. It was impossible for him to hold back any further, so he let his climax take over.

With hectic, sexually charged screams, he squirted his semen into the back of Noel's throat, taking the latter by surprise. Noel drew him out, short of the head, and worked his hand firmly and rapidly, taking one shot after the other. Owen's back arched up in an awkward curve. He sighed and grunted incomprehensible words, clinging hard to Noel's hand.

Noel swallowed the load with the head still in his mouth. When he was sure Owen had finished, he took him back into his mouth slowly, and licked the drops of cum that he missed. He didn't stop until Owen gestured him to. He took his hair out of the bun, rubber band back to his wrist, and threw himself on bed next to Owen.

Moments passed with the two of them writhing and panting, tenderly looking at each other. No words were spoken, mainly because they both were worn out, but partially because Owen was too flabbergasted. He never thought for a second that he would enjoy it as much as he did, and he was too worried it will make things awkward; but it didn't. If it weren't for the gentle strokes of Noel's fingertips, tracing lines on his face with a smile of serenity, he wouldn't believe it were real.

As he slowly regained composure, it suddenly occurred to him that Noel didn't get his release. He looked down, and Noel's cock was still hard -although not the hardest it can get. He thought about how much he wanted to do to Noel what he did to him, and was worried he won't be as good. What if Noel didn't enjoy it, he thought. A notion came to mind that maybe Noel wouldn't like him anymore; that he would ruin the beautiful thing they had. But, he quickly dismissed it as mindless paranoia.

Noel saw the concern on his face, and could tell by the look of it what he was thinking. He pulled him in for a peck on the lips and spoke quietly, "Don't worry about me, okay?" He took him for another kiss, this time he captured his bottom lip and stealthily eased his tongue in. The salty taste in his mouth reminded Owen of what they'd just done. It made him groan lightly and prolong the kiss.

"I've really enjoyed this. Really." Noel said.

"Really?"

Noel hummed in confirmation, and then chuckled. "You know, ever since I heard you singing on the stage, I wondered what your orgasm would sound like."

"Oh Jesus!" He laughed, "Are you pleased, then?"

"Absolutely!" He gave him light pecks on the cheek, "I've never been so close to coming without being touched."

Owen's eyes widened and he felt his dick rise up, and he wondered if it was too late to give him what he didn't get.

"But, don't worry though." Noel continued, "You don't have to do anything."

'But I want to!' Owen thought. It felt like Noel was drawing the line, and he had to comply.

"Maybe next time..." Noel's voice trailed off at the end, and blood rushed to Owen's head. He tried to read Noel's expressions, but it was like a closed door with no keyholes. Next time? It seemed to him like a promise -an unwritten agreement. But there was no way he could hold his breath for that.

"Speaking of next time," Noel regained his playful, flirtatious attitude, "Next time, I could do with a warning."

Owen knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"You know."

"I really don't."

"I nearly choked!"

"Oh!" He said, and covered his lips with his hands, "Oh my god, I'm sorry."

"Stop it, it's fine." He elbowed him in the ribs. "It was hot, but don't do it again."

Again?

Owen studied his body language, looking for something -anything. There was nothing beyond the occasional volatile grin. Words came out with nothing to show for them.

Noel fumbled in his drawers for a pair of boxers, and put them on. He tossed another pair to Owen.

"I don't suppose you'll be wearing yours again, will you?"

Owen laughed, "I need the toilet, actually."

Noel automatically pointed to where it was, and lay back in bed.

When he shut the bathroom door behind him, Owen had an old familiar gnawing feeling in his gut. One that he absorbed from the eyes of his audience after a good song, and found at the bottom of a bottle after a bad day. A feeling that left him empty, wondering what's next. The only way he could get rid of it was to indulge until he's drained. Play the next song; grab the next bottle, and the next one, and the next one.

It was more tormenting than frustrating, and he was awfully aware of how inappropriate that was. Noel owed him nothing, yet in his head, he was a flippant tease throwing him a bone to see how closely he can follow, and how many hoops he can go through. Even with his cock buried in his throat, there was never enough of him. The worst part was that it all felt so dangerously temporary. So dishearteningly destined to end.

He washed the parts of him that needed washing, and shook his head vigorously, the way he did when he needed to get his brain in line. A few slaps on his face, and a look of "what the fuck are you doing" stared back at him from the other side of the mirror. He fixed his hair and jumped into Noel's boxers.

He hesitated at the door, like he used to do as a child, afraid that a monster will be out there waiting for him to come out. But, this time, and for the first time in his life, he wanted the monster to be there.

And he was.

He was still lying there, exactly where he left him, fully extended with his palms facing upwards. Owen took a quick glance at him, and all of a sudden he wasn't a monster anymore. He caught his breath and sighed of relief.

"Did you like my bathroom?" Noel asked with his eyes still closed. Owen thought it was a strange question, and he had to think as he barely paid any attention to his surroundings.

"I had it decorated myself."

"Oh. It's really nice." Owen said spontaneously.

After thinking long and hard, all he could remember was that it had hardwood flooring, white suite, a green shower curtain, and a pot of some sort of plant on the sink. There were also pebbles in the sink and around the tub.

"I wasn't happy with the energy in this place when I first moved here, and the landlord only allowed me to decorate the bathroom. It was a good thing, because it's in between the east and northeast bagua areas. All I had to do was throw in a bit of wood and earth elements to get the energy I've always wanted."

Owen was dumbfounded, trying to decipher the words coming out of his mouth. It annoyed him that he spoke with such confidence, as if it's what normal people do on a normal day-to-day life.

"I managed to feng shui the apartment to keep the good energy flowing, but it's the bathroom I paid more attention to. Now I get a good Chi flow to support spiritual growth and good health." He gestured theatrically, "It's now my sanctuary."

"Oh, that sounds..." Like a load of bullshit, is what Owen wanted to say. "Interesting."

He tried to keep the sarcastic tone hidden, but he knew it had leaked out when he heard Noel snorting.

Noel patted the empty side of his bed, and he joined him readily.

"You know, Owen Matthews, I used to be like you."

"Like me?"

Noel hummed and spoke slowly, "Uptight. Scared and constantly worried. It wasn't easy, but I'm much happier now that I learned to let go, and love everything."

Owen scoffed, "You mean when you became a hippie?"

"Well," He made a face that was neither amused nor offended. It was one indicating he'd heard it, and said it a million times before. "I don't really like to limit myself by a label."

"...is exactly what a hippie would say!"

"You can say that, but I really just do whatever speaks to my soul."

Owen thought it was futile to repeat himself, so he decided to nod away and let it go. He remembered he needed to send his father a text from hours ago, so he grabbed his phone and checked his inbox. There were many notifications from Facebook he couldn't be bothered with, and a text message from David saying "so I guess you're not coming home tonight then..." He mumbled "fuck" to himself.

"You're wasting your life away on that thing, you know." Noel said, bluntly.

"Excuse me, I'm texting my father."

"Texting, texting, texting. Why is everyone obsessed with texting these days? Miss your father so much? Take the train and go visit him."

"Yeah I was going to, actually. You stopped me, remember?"

Noel shrugged as if to say 'oh well, you got me there', Owen smiled, tutted, and stared back at his phone. An intrusive hand stole his phone against resistance and a loud groan, and threw it on the nightstand. Another hand took hold of his necklace.

"So, are you going to tell me what the deal is with this?"

"Can you stop doing that? You could have cracked the screen!" Owen whined. It was impossible to keep a stern face against a grinning Noel.

"Not unless you tell me."

"Alright! I accidentally stepped on a harmless, peaceful caterpillar once."

Noel cocked an eyebrow. It was obvious he didn't appreciate the joke. "You're a funny man, Matthews."

Owen smiled apologetically and reflected. It had been roughly four months since he moved to New Jersey, and he made a promise to himself that he won't tell anyone about his drinking problem. New city, new beginnings, he thought; what's in the past shall remain in the past. It was him and David, and a whole life ahead of them. They met up with Carl, and formed their band, The Silver Lining.

He wanted to be seen as a person, not a textbook case for pity; it was enough for him seeing that in David's eyes. Locking away the ghosts of his past seemed to be the only effective way he could move forward. He remembered the day David accidentally told Carl, and he didn't take that very well. The three of them then made a vow that it stays between them. He was dead serious about that vow, yet he was the one who's so gladly ready to break it.

His mouth articulated against his orders, and he found himself easing into the subject as if he didn't threaten David and Carl it would be the end of their friendship, and subsequently the band, had they said anything.

"I'm a recovering alcoholic." He muttered.

Noel's soothing touch against his skin didn't falter, and his smile didn't recoil. The forlorn expression on Owen's face as he thought back made Noel brace himself for something big. He figured an overreaction was the last thing Owen needed, and kept a calm demeanour.

"I've been clean for over five months." He took the butterfly in his hand and forced a smile, "My baby sister gave it to me, and it's been my mascot ever since."

Noel took his lips in a soft kiss, as words seemed too insignificant. Too useless. His heart sank upon seeing vivid images of a shivering, vomiting, weeping Owen curled up on an unmade bed. He struggled not to take him in an embrace and apologise. All he could do was kiss him, and hold his hand; and it was also all Owen needed at that time.

"It's fine, really. I'm fine." Owen faked a smile that quickly faded into a frown. The hint of crystalline tears started to form under his eyelids. They both knew he wasn't being honest. "I've moved cities, started from scratch, but it's still there. It's always there, and it only gets worse. I have to fight it every day."

Noel squeezed his hand to get his attention, and emphasised on his words, "You don't have to fight it alone."

Owen eagerly took him in his arms, and pressed his own faint, shaking body against his. They kissed delicately, lips warm with passion and teeth cluttering clumsily. Noel cradled his head against his chest and soothed him like he would a frightened child. It had been the first time in years that Owen felt safe, and it wasn't long until they were both fast asleep in each other's arms.

Rays of sunlight shined on Owen's face in the early hours of the morning, and he woke up in a haze. His watch read 5:38AM, and Noel was still soundly asleep next to him. It took him a few seconds to recollect memories of the rollercoaster that was the previous night.

What started as a good gig followed by fun, dancing, and drinks, ended up with him breaking a vow, coming out and sleeping almost naked in a bed with another man he's never spoken to before. He rubbed his forehead, and glanced at the door. All he could see behind that door was reality, ready to hit him as hard as it possibly could. He'd walked through that door the previous night as a straight man, and he'll walk out of it as a gay one, with all the pressure the word entails.

Behind that door was responsibility, fear, and rejection; the things he had been running from all his life, hiding behind a straight man mask. For a second, he thought he should never leave. Stay there and delay it for as long as he could. After all, Noel said it was a sanctuary.

He took a look at Noel and wondered how he could handle it; how anyone could handle it. He wondered if in his early morning state of sobriety, Noel would reject him, too. A shudder ran through his spine. It was nothing but a one night stand, he thought, and he had no reason to stay there. Plus, the longer he delayed stepping out of that door, the more difficult it will become.

Tip-toeing through the room, he collected his clothes, phone, and keys, and walked out. Noel woke up half an hour after that, other side of the bed already cold, and there was no trace of Owen anywhere. He shook his head and sighed of disappointment.