by ilikeithot6308
If I was Gary, I would walk out on both of them. The woman that he obviously was falling for unceremoniously screwed another person without speaking to him first, and his close friend agreed to screw the woman that he was falling for, and she knew it.
Total lack of trust, and not fair to him, that she went about it. This way I was enjoying the story up to this point, and even if they end up in bed together, trust is lost completely because of it. Too bad it went about this way.
Seems as if you'd painted yourself into a corner. Jane sent Gary away so that she could have uninterrupted sex with Helen. Giving Helen the same courtesy she showed Gary. Fair enough. But this I know about lesbians; they have as much interest in men as straight men have in other men. So now you have Jane, having enjoyed a sexual encounter with Helen, having Gary see this. Honest to be sure, but now they're at a fork. What will you do with this?
Still a good premise.
But still lacks needed details. Action moves forward without step-by-step details. Sort of gets repetitious.
No real buildup to ass action. No touching. No fingering. No extended lubing it up. No dialog between them about what it was like as it was going on. Certainly no analingus at all.
And absolutely too much screaming of "Fuck.."
Four stars.
Really enjoyed the story until the end. She's with him all weekend then send him away so she can chest on him. Not nice! Otherwise I would have given it a 5.
Waiting for the other shoe to hit for sure....
Granted, it has only been a couple days, but it already seems a trust violation. There really should be some fallout for her actions as well as Helen, a friend, essentially doing this behind his back.
I like the idea of the 2 girls, but honesty is important. She didn't lie exactly, but certainly mislead. That seems wrong for a girl who claims to be direct and forthright.
did i miss the sequel?
this one has me all ready for more
Passionate...playful...pleasing perfection...such a sensual simmering story...like where this seems to be going! Waiting for what comes/cums next!!!
Was a great story, lots of passion, eroticism, and even love. What dropped it a star for me was the inclusion of Helen. Not necessarily her inclusion, but that Jane brought her in without Gary's knowledge. While the two definitely weren't in a serious committed relationship yet, those feelings and passions showed. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it just says "Jane cheated" on him. It is one thing to share an experience, and another to be left out in the cold.
Still a good story.
You, and a lot of other writer's on this site can't write a good story without fucking it up at the end.
The lesbian twist? Yeah, obvious from the first part, but not after all that passed between them...to be kicked out as an errand boy? Nope. Just not done. Would have chilled me for sure.
I liked this story, liked where it seemed to be headed. Even liked the idea of involving Helen. However I don't like the way you did it. There was a burgeoning romance between these two and I think you should have solidified it more first before sliding someone else into the mix, especially without our boy's knowledge. Lastly, since we haven't gotten to see how the scenario played out, we're left with a woman cheating on her new boyfriend. Disappointing.
Second that - didn't like the lesbian twist - especially when it seems a romance is starting and he's unceremoniously kicked out without getting a hint. I wouldn't be happy, most definitely pissed! But then I don't like to Share. I do like the story but find a nice twist for Helen and get rid of her.
Didn't like the addition of Helen to the party. Just didn't fit with the story in my opinion not that I mind those situations.
The name Jane Smith has me picturing her in my mind as Angelina Jolie from
Mr. and Mrs.Smith dressed in that sort of business sexy look. Mmm nice image.
You're such a tease - leaving us hanging for more! (no puns intended)
Seriously, very good read---so far!
the story itself is fine, but the ending left me hanging. There was in my opinion, no closure
Have a great day.
Great story. interested to see how the backstory of Jane's wealth unfolds.
extremely well crafted engaging & enthralling story
whatever happens , i hope it does not mess up his friendship with Helen
and i hope they all remain on good terms
Sublime...passionate...sensual...HOT...REALLY HOT!!!!! Can't wait for more!!!! WELL DONE!!!!!!
You've appropriately described Jane, and Helen's physical attributes, too. Now, it would be appropriate to tease us into the next level...be it watching the two hotties or making it into a 3-some. Can't wait to read Ch. 3.