No Way Honey --- Heather

As long as that was all!

Oh Christ ---- please let that be all.

----------------------

I fully admit that I was fidgeting the following evening waiting for her call. The day had been bad enough and several people had asked me what was wrong.

But what do you say?

I'm worried that my wife is making out with some other guy??

No of course you don't. You just do as I did and smile back, and tell them that nothing's wrong at all.

It's not easy!

I snatched at the phone on the first ring, just managing to stop myself from shouting down the receiver.

"Hi honey, that you?"

"Yes Heather it's me sweetheart," I replied.

We never so much as mentioned her meeting, or what she had been up to during the day. All I was worried about was what she had been doing yesterday evening, and the night for that matter as well.

"Been thinking about me honey," Heather asked in what seemed a nervous tone.

"Thinking about you and what you've been up to Heather," I replied, unable to keep the note of concern out of my voice.

"Did you enjoy wondering what I'd been up to darling?" she asked me. The question surprised me, and threw me off balance for a moment, leaving me unable to give a straight answer.

"I take your silence to mean that my playing around turns you on then Jack. Is that right?"

"Playing around Heather?" I shot back. "What the hell do you mean? ----- Playing around?"

My mouth was starting to go dry, and my insides forming a ball. Playing around surely meant more that a quick goodnight kiss?

"Nothing for you to worry about Jack." She answered immediately, full of confidence. "We just went out to a club, had a few drinks, and danced quite a bit --- even a couple of quite fast numbers."

I decided to ignore the inference of the last comment, and pushed her for more information. She was teasing me --- that was obvious, but what lay behind that teasing. I had to know.

"Who did you dance with Heather," I demanded. "Several of the guys or would it be one in particular?"

"Sorry, I don't understand what you mean," she responded.

"What I bloody well mean my wife, is did you dance with other guys from your meeting, or did that damn Brosnan look alike monopolize you?

"Oh I see," came the breathless reply. "Didn't I tell you sweetheart, there were no others last night. Ted took me out on our own for a night on the town."

Oh shit!

Heather couldn't be doing this to me. She was either winding me up, or risking throwing our marriage down the pan.

"Don't be too jealous Jack," she went on when I didn't say anything. "I'm having a really good time honey, and I'll be back tomorrow morning to make it all up to you I promise. I'll be there about eleven thirty."

"But Heather, you didn't mess around with him did you? You didn't do anything you shouldn't have done?"

"Oh don't be upset honey," she replied in a low pleading tone. "I haven't done anything to be ashamed of --- not really ashamed."

"But what have you let him do Heather? Have you let him feel your boobs yet --- has he got your clothes off."

"You're getting carried away Jack," she came straight back. "Sorry but I've got to go."

"Hang on Heather," I cried down the phone. "What did you do last ....... "

I dried up, nothing more to say, as I realised that my wife had put the phone down on me. She was off on another jaunt with her new boyfriend, and Christ knows what they would get up to.

It was only then that it dawned on me, that I still had no way to contact her. I didn't so much know the name of the hotel she was staying in, never mind the number. Her mobile phone was a waste of time as well.

I spent the rest of the evening and into the night imagining what she had done the night before, and how much further she might go with him that night.

It was a confusion of disgust and sexual stimulation. I didn't want her to do it ---- but if she did --- if she was ---- then ---- well bloody hell I just didn't understand my mind.

I eventually fell asleep on the sofa sometime in the early morning, and dreamt of my loving wife, naked in the arms of another man.

It was a worried, confused night.

--------------------

A cold shower the following morning bought me to my senses. It had been years since I had done that.

I didn't know what I had to look forward to, only that I loved Heather, and I felt ashamed of the emotions that had coursed through my body at the thought of her in bed with that bastard, revelling in sex.

I hoped and prayed that nothing had happened.

Eleven approached and passed.

Eleven twenty, and the phone rang, like a church bell ringing to summon the end of all normality.

"Hi honey," she greeted me. "I had a fantastic time last night ---- didn't sleep much of course. Well hardly at all really, but I'll tell you all about it when I get home."

"When you get home?" I queried desperately, fighting back the urge to scream at her. "You're supposed to be home about now."

"Ah yes Jack," Heather wavered. "Slight change of plan I'm afraid."

Silence reigned

"Still there Jack."

"Yes."

"Look Jack, honey, I know I promised, but things got a bit out of hand last night, and by the time I got back to my own room this morning to pack, I'd already missed my flight.

"What!" I screamed down the phone. "What the fuck do you mean by that Heather? --- What the hell do you mean ----- got back to your own room this morning?"

"Well I didn't mean to go that far honey, but ----- well what can I say? Anyway Ted has invited me back to Canada with him for four or five days."

"No way Heather --- No bloody way." I screamed angrily down the phone at her.

It's as far as I got.

"Look Jack, it's only for a few days after all, and I know I'll be .... Well like I'll be with Ted and things, but when I get back we can sort it all out. Don't forget that I love you Jack, just you and nobody else."

"Four or five days Heather?" I mumbled, falling back into my confused state, totally unable to take in the train that had just hit my whole life.

I should have been shouting and screaming at her, but I was so shocked, that I couldn't muster my thoughts.

"Yes just a few days sweetheart," she answered without any sense of regret. "Ted would like me to have gone for longer, but I've really got to be back at work before next week end."

"Next week end?" I queried pathetically.

"Yes," she replied cheerfully. "I've a project that I have to finish."

"Heather, how can you do this to me," I objected wearily.

It's all very well thinking how macho you might act if this happened to you, but the reality is that it hits you straight between the eyes when a loved one does something like that to you. The energy simply flows out of you. You feel hopeless, stranded, simply incapable.

"Look I've got to go Jack," Heather told me. "The flight leaves in a couple of hours, and I'll see you next week some time honey. Oh yes ---- I've left a note for you in the drawer by the fireplace. Read it Jack. You must read it straight away ---- It's most important that you read it now."

"A note?"

"Yes a little letter sweetheart. Read it now and you'll find it explains everything."

Click --- the connection was cut.

I suddenly felt sick.

I sat there for some time with my head in my hands, unable to believe what had happened to my life in the last few days.

She'd ended up in the bastard's bed last night, and now was running off with him --- abandoning me.

I'd never felt such emptiness in my life.

I wasn't going to stand for it --- no way --- our marriage was over, and if I could find that bloody Brosnan look alike, then I'd murder the sod.

Then I started to think about the note she'd left, and the truth of her visit to Paris dawned on me.

The cow ---- the bloody cow. She had all this planned in advance.

She must have known that she would be meeting up with this Ted guy before she even left. Heather, my wonderful trustworthy Heather, the love of my life, had left me a note before she'd even left the house. She must have known that she would be meeting him in Paris, and maybe even that she would be going off to Canada with him.

I didn't seem possible ----- not my Heather.

How long had this been going on behind my back?

How long had she been cheating on me?

I wearily pulled myself up from the armchair, and made my way over to the fireplace, pulling open the drawer to the small desk alongside. It was a desk that I never used myself, and was normally full of junk.

There it was!

The note.

Sat there innocently on top of the pile.

One little note that signalled the end of my life as I knew it.

I stared at it for some moments before my shaking hand reached forward to pick it up.

I slowly, nervously, unfolded it, dreading what I was about to read.

My legs shook with the tension that I was feeling, and my eyes nearly glazed over as I read what was written on the single sheet of paper in front of me.

I couldn't understand it.

It made no sense whatsoever.

On the single sheet of paper, the following single sentence was written in Heather's own handwriting.

WE DO NOT HAVE AN OFFICE IN CANADA

What the hell did that mean?

------------------------------

"Hi Jack, It's really great to be back home."

What?

What the hell!

I spun round in astonishment, and there stood with a grin her face, was Heather.

"Fooled you didn't I jack?" She continued, as my mind span in circles.

"But ..... but what .... How ...." I just didn't understand, and stood there, the note falling from my hand.

------------------------

Having devoured my lovely wife in kisses and nearly cuddled her to death, we eventually settled down, and I demanded that she told me what the hell had been going on.

"The note," I started. "No office in Canada --- what was all that about?"

"Insurance," she replied. "Just in case it all went wrong."

"What went wrong Heather?" I demanded with all the presence that I could muster. "What the bloody hell really happened in Paris?"

"Never went there," she replied. "There was no meeting in Paris."

I stared at her blankly, not knowing what to say.

"Thursday I went in to work like normal, and then that night I went out to the pictures with Wendy who I work with. I slept at her place that night."

I continued to stare at her, my mouth open wide in amazement.

"Then I went into work Friday again, and then went to my parents for a couple of nights. Haven't really spent too much time with them lately so it was overdue."

"Your parents?" I queried limply.

"Yes Jack --- they send you their love and all that. I've just driven back from there this morning."

"The meeting in Paris?" I queried again, trying to make sense of it all.

"Didn't take place," she repeated.

"Ted, the Brosnan look alike?" I demanded.

"Figment of my imagination."

"So the kissing and ---- and things?" I mumbled, my mind hardly able to take in what I was hearing.

"The only person I've kissed since I left here are my Mum and Dad Jack." Heather told me, smiling at me and my confused look.

"But why?" I asked, the warmth flooding back into my life, as I realised it had all been a game.

"To tease you --- get you turned on and worked up a bit," she replied. "To get you back for doing your James Bond thing to me the other week."

-------------------------

We agreed to disagree about whether it had been over the top or not, but I had my Heather back with me, and we spent the rest of the day in bed.

If it had got me turned on, then the charade had done wonders for Heather, and she took me apart in bed, leaving me a shattered wreck.

I spent the rest of the weekend wondering how I could get my revenge, and I suddenly remembered Josie from the accounting department at work.

Now Josie, was nothing like Halle Berry really, but she was black and a pretty little thing with a lovely trim little body. What's more she was always up for a laugh, and would surely go along with some spoof on Heather.

We could .... Well no, that wouldn't do.

Perhaps we could sort of .... No just too far over the top.

I know --- Josie could ..... maybe not, that would get Heather a bit too jealous.

"Ah .... I could take Josie ..... no, that's just plain silly.

Eventually I came up with a plan.

A good one I thought.

Me in my Pierce Brosnan dinner jacket, and Josie pretending to be my Halle.

I might even get to steal a kiss from the pretty little coloured girl, and Heather couldn't act jealous.

I'd broach the idea of my plan with Josie on Monday morning.

------------------

I went to bed that night feeling pretty pleased with myself, having worked out the details in my mind.

"Hi lover," greeted Heather as I slipped in beside her. "I didn't tell you about the film I went to see with Wendy the other night did I?"

"No Heather," I whispered back to her, as I curled my arm around her, cupping her firm breast when I found it, and smiling to myself in the dark at the plan I had worked out.

"We went to see the latest James Bond movie," she went on. "Wow, there's a new James Bond lead, and he's called Daniel Craig."

The first warning sounds washed over me.

"You should see Daniel Craig Jack. Wendy and I drooled over him, and Brosnan and his lot are history now."

"Oh." Was all I managed.

"And wait till you see the leading lady Jack, she ......"

I lost track of what she said after that as my plans for my revenge collapsed in a heap.

Oh well ---- I had time ---- back to the drawing board.

I pulled Heather over to me, and stopped her talking by planting a huge kiss on her mouth.

Who cared anyway --- It was just so wonderful to have her back.

Fin.