All Comments on 'Not. Clue. One.'

What you don't know how to pick a language and stick to it choose please

If anyone got past that, congratulations! Was that supposed to be witty? It wasn't, just asinine. What would possibly interest me in a story by someone who wrote that... whatever it was? I think I'll just pass, permanently. I am going to read ten pages after that sample? Don't think so.

I can appreciate the value in being bilingual, but in writing for a wide audience, not all your readers will be. My Spanish is still good enough to figure out what you are trying to say, but it slows me down some. With a 10 page story already to start with, I can promise you a lot of readers will give up before they take time to figure it out.

I assume you wrote this because you had an idea for a story you wanted people to read. I would suggest that you not intentionally make it harder for them to do that. Having the Spanish dialogue does not enhance the telling of the story. It is not value added!

Damn, Kimi nailed it. I'm not about to read ten pages by this fuckwit. Systech must be bilingual, too. Figures, someone as smart as him and can read that fast.

but the execution is so overweeningly self-satisfied, I gotta give this a miss after 1 page. Have 5 starred previous efforts of fanfare and hope to do so again.

I can't believe Lordslamdawgg didn't like it, though. This reads like you wrote it, LSD. Are you sure you didn't? It's like this guy took a bunch or your comments and pasted them together. Stupid ass nonsense, in other words.

Slampuppy has given this writer fives and Systech24 gave it a favorite. That's all I need. Won't be reading this shit.

I was afraid you were suffering a Stroke !

Didn't read 10 pages . Hint , in the future , do not write a forward like that one . It seemed like you were purposely wanting to give people a reason Not to read .

No score , just scratching my head .

I have given you five stars with the hope that there is a masterpiece in the not distant future.Your satiric timing is pretty good but your jokes can be raised up by a notch or two.Please produce several similar themes on the failings of our "advanced" society.

Couldn't do it. "This s a"

If it wasn't worth your time to write properly, it's not worth my time to read.

Miraculously, I made it through five and a half pages, to the 'humorous' rape of a virgin. The story meanders terribly, the attempt to be erudite failed miserably. Stick with basic English and grammar until you can get that right. The inane 'TM' shtick was a distraction and not even close to funny. You've done much better, this was an abject failure I gave up mid-sixth page. Try again.

illiterate shit.

I was unable to make it through the entire rambling introduction. That's a damn good clue the next nine pages will be difficult. Expressing disdain, contempt, or pity for the reader in the first few paragraphs will not lure them into reading the story. You put a lot of effort into a long work. You should give it a chance to be read. You scuttled it and it sank.

I agree with @Harddaysknight...After all the rambling introduction, I gave up reading this story...Wink, wink. Nod, nod...so no rating...

I find this story shallow and pedantic, yes very shallow and pedantic and way too long

I just couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. When something is that painful for me to read I just don't find it enjoyable. I'm sure I'm just not smart enough to get it, but I'm not going to subject myself to 10 pages of that.

to super size your way of life styles. TK U MLJ LV NV

"Defining non-consensual acts of rape." - What other kind of rape is there? By definition rape in non-consensual.

Badly conceived and even more badly executed.

Sorry but this shit was just all over the place (WTF)

He's completely delusional.

You're trying too hard, buddy.

the other commenters beat me to it. When it comes to writing I am afraid that you have Not. Clue. One.

. . . the first 1 1/2 pages, then realized I had 8+ painful pages to go. No way was I going to wade through that. Your story might have even been interesting, but you killed it with that ridiculous intro. Thanks for you effort, though.

when I think of all of the electrons that were wasted in the generation of this pretentious mishmash. No vote but move along folks nothing to read here.

When I comment about stories and the quality of the writing, I am told to 'piss off grammar Nazi'.

Well...it seems our ranks are growing if the comments are anything to go by.

Thought to start you were democrat. That changed to a democrat trying to outdo democrats. Not uncommon. Now I think you are a closet Republican. A conservative.

Just think yours is yours. If it's not its somebody else's. Close to the vest. Quit hiding. And, don't shoot the messenger.

Ed

I mean really unreadable.

I have to admit that this reminded of some Stultus's stories. I did get to the end by skimming the last three pages.

Complete shit

Boring...boring...too wordy...author too full of himself

After struggling through this submission, I went back and took a look at your bio. Sure enough, I had you pegged as an extreme leftist "progressive" and I was correct.

Of course you had to be considering that your primary characters were all crooks whose ends always justified their means. Just like a good Democrats.

Further, you were obviously of the intelligent class, NOT. Ha, you do not even know the difference between "to" and "too". I guess your liberal education was long on "community organizing" and short on English/Grammar.

Spend more time with a dictionary and less time trying to run down your political betters, please.

None of your many stories has been rated at 4.5 or higher. Is this a coincidence or is it because you don't care about your readers to write a careful, realistic story without wordy digressions?

You have inundated your readers with verbose diction - in other words, bullshit.

The flourishes others noted detracted, but when around page 4. It looked like an incest bit I bailed. Maybe a wife came in later. I don no.

Barely made it half-way through the first page before I was lost and lost interest.

I see few others did much better.

Keep on writing and perfect your craft though!

Tripe. I can summarize your writing without a thesaurus.

Literary crap.

See how easy it is?

How the fuck did this get through? Oh I forgot, the admin of this site now only allow bullshit illiterate writing or cuck shit now. 1*

I guess your one of those accepting liberals that is all for love and peace? Yeah.....that's the ticket! Story was bad, humorless, hard to follow ( I don't read Spanish), incomprehensible. Just WTF. You must have Not. Clue. One.

don't give up your day job,,,, there is bad and then there is real bad... your more of the latter...

Here is a great story with a truthful background with all of the pussy grabbing idiots in full review.

If not the single worst story ever posted. This is an epic fail. This deserves to have the worst score in the history of Literotica. The Indian Wives stories aren't this bad. I couldn't finish the second page. I think this guy is just a troll, trying to piss people off.

Very stupid story written by a pseudo-intellectual liberal idiot with the political comprehension of a toddler. I could only tolerate a few pages and will forever regret the time I wasted.

Makes you think very hard and still not understand what you are thinking about. It read like a hundred disjointed flash stories.

Don't all the critical cunts who for the most part can't tie their shoes, dissuade you from writing, FF. It's how you get better and spend all the money I do to have my novels ready for publishing! I didn't care for your story, couldn't finish it, in fact. But keep writing to get better.

Yeah, I've been going back and forth with my editor all morning on a new one (166,000 words) he's started!

Not really a tale against conservatives per se. Just a story full of distrust and skepticism. And the reality is, all these things have been proven true and are possible.

Everything exaggerated beyond the maximum.

Once again the comments are entertaining and amusing. Readers checking bios to have more to complain about, even when their own bio is blank. Then of course some turn everything into a political and ideological platform from which to rant. I wish they would stick to Twitter and FaceBook.

oh well

I give it 3* as there are some mildly humorous sections. So much rambling junk. The writer's politics are diametrically opposed to mine so I was biting my tongue to keep from yelling at the screen. My biggest problem is the complete lack of knowledge of the Air Force especially how rank is achieved. Do some research rather than just blather on about how unfair life is because you weren't given everything for free. That's too bad, go out and earn it. Try not to rape doomed sex slaves to get there though.

Flashman is a great fictional creation by an author who wrote in plain English we can all understand. George MacDonald Fraser understood there is no point in trying to be clever if nobody can be bothered reading you.

Maybe not as obviously humorous as the original Flashman, but definitely in the Noir American style. I read in one attempt and anticipate each new page and was satisfied by them.

Thanks for writing.

It really sucked. I kept hoping it would get better. nope

I guess slack lives don't matter. You should get Rachel Madcow to write the introduction to your first novel. She won't even have to read it to tell everybody what its about.

Really, I was kind of proud of myself that I was able to make some sense of this screed up through page four, until you assassinated Lucy's character as she admitted to fucking married men, to sate her sexual hunger. Uh, is it too mean to point out your stepmother was a selfish slut, enabling assholes similar in virtue to Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and all the Kennedy's, to cheat on women who actually were good mothers and wives?

But despite how bad this is, its really reflects a lot of misguided effort and passion, like breaking Starbucks windows then outrunning the police. So maybe you could take this energy and groom it and discipline it (I know, I'm microagressing) and actually write something that George MacDonald Fraser might find worth reading, to the end. This? Not so much.

P.S. The next 8 years are really going to suck, for you.

Crazy

and some of the comments are legit. Once you got into rhythm there were passages that flowed well enough to keep me reading. As a moderate your blitz on the Tea Bag military industrial complex was refreshing. Didn't see any Black Panzers or Jane Fondas. Maybe the bitch should have had a private email server?

The TM gag was way over played. I could have gone 4* without it. The plot was good enough for full marks but the Spanish had some issue and the heinous use of vocabulary just for the sake of using a word was forced. I love me some big words but they need to fit the grand scheme. I have checked out on stories after less than a page but kept finding redeeming value everytime I promised to quit this one. Call it a solid draft. Whittle and reimagine a bit and try resubmitting something around 5 pages and I can see decent results. 3*

I'm Glad (TM) that you could Amuse (TM) Yourself (TM).

You are one of the worst writers I have ever read on any genre on literotica. A dumb ass liberal that thinks you have talent..try shoveling shit on a dairy farm..then you would be in your element!!

Sorry your ambition is to be another Flashman is deeply frustrated in that you can't write like George MacDonald Frazer. A number of short stories would have been better. The writing about politics was perhaps ok if predictable but the sex was lousey

You may wish to split the 10-page story into about 7 chapters.

I personally likeyour writing style.

But an ass of the 1st degree. He is a self hating liberal who wallows in class envy. The character could have been self-righteous except for the crimes against humanity he participated in within that cave. He profited from human trafficking. Even if he couldn't stop it at that time, I saw to attempt later to redeem himself by helping other victims of trafficking. Hey Fanfare, many of the richest people in the world today are self-made. Most inherited wealth doesn't last beyond three generations in the modern economy. Only those families with great discipline retain those fortunes.

lowered the ranking

Tom Jones it ain't, just complete amorality

Did read the intro, and some.of the comments. Didn't read the story. Thanks for the warning.

The first couple of pages are so poorly written such that reader wants to immediately stop reading and if it were in paperback be thrown into the garbage!

Maybe I'm just in a good mood today. I read part of the author's rant on his bio page and had to stop to ROFL. Skip the instructions/criticisms to readers, the history(?) lessons, and political rants(some of which ran more than 1 screen); and the story feels like 5-6 pages and is fairly funny in places.

How can you take seriously a writer who doesn't know to from too?

This was great, f*#ked up in parts but an entertaining read. Thanks for making me smile and laugh for a little while!

What a fucking pompous windbag. I had to stop after the first page.