Not Knowing

"Enough of the getting old talk! I am three years older than you! And are you joking with me? Nothing special? Karen, you are something REALLY special. You are just plain gorgeous!"

I blushed, I smiled happily.

"You are biased," I returned his swat with one of my own then kissed him primly on his cheek. "But thank you anyway. Seriously though, if we do this, how do you know anyone would actually want to? I doubt they would so maybe we should forget the whole thing."

He took my hands in his and turned very serious.

"Any man who didn't want to is either dead, gay or in a coma." I smiled at that. "But I am never going to say we have to do this. I still want to but it has to be both of us and I promise you, I am not going to sulk if you decide no. Well, maybe a little bit of sulking. Two, three months of sulking, tops."

I giggled at my silly husband and wrapped myself back up in his arms.

"I will think about it," I whispered before tearing myself from his embrace. "Now go. Unless there has been a natural disaster, no way you would be this late."

"No problem," Jack stretched out on the bed. "I will just tell them my insatiable wife demanded that I fuck her and..."

We both giggled then, the pillow I threw at him landing squarely on his dumb old face.

I didn't start work until 11 that morning so I had plenty of time to shower and get ready, all the while my mind working away at the problem and the desire. I knew I wanted to do this but I wondered why. I spent most of the day at work wondering why. I work in a real estate office so it's easy to daydream. Why did I want to do this?

I love my husband. It had not occurred to me to sleep with anyone else before now. I just didn't want to. I had my share of men trying it on with me but none of them were my Jack so saying no was a simple enough job. Our sex life was not boring or dull or even rare. Jack was a gifted and generous lover who knew just what buttons to push and when to push them. He pushed them quite regularly, thank God! So it wasn't any sort of dissatisfaction that drove me to want to do this. It was pure excitement, the thrill of the... of the... the wrongness of it all. Yes, that was the word. Wrongness.

There was something else Jack had said that kept playing in my mind. "It's like I turn you into a porn star in my head."

That simple sentence excited me so much. Me, a porn star? Why not? I know it's not EVERY woman's fantasy but it had quickly become mine. To be desired completely, to have that effect on men, it was all so exciting, thrilling and deeply arousing to me.

This thought was usually followed by another. What happens after? Jack might not love me. He might not want to touch me after that. I might disgust him. And what about me? What if I enjoyed it so much that Jack would not be enough for me? What if I wanted it more and more?

All day long, the thoughts chased each other around my beleaguered brain. I had to go lock myself in the bathroom at one point, hiding until the tears stopped falling. I was in a state of total turmoil. I wanted this; I didn't want to lose Jack.

I got through the day and got home. I made dinner, nothing fancy. This was not a fancy food kind of a night. I met Jack at the door, helping him out of his coat and wrapping my arms around him, kissing him as lovingly as I could. He returned the kiss, becoming more passionate as it went on. I broke from him.

"Easy Tiger," I smiled. "We need to talk. We need to eat and talk."

Jack sat down to dinner opposite me.

"Straight to the point," I said in my best businesslike voice. "We need to talk seriously about what we said last night. I am going first."

Jack opened his mouth and I held up my hand to silence him.

"I spent all day agonising over this. I was yes then I was no then I was I don't know. You know?" I could see by the look on his face that he clearly knew and I knew he had a similar day to mine, minus the tears, of course. "It's so exciting but it's so dangerous. I love you, Jack. I really do. I know you said you want this too but I am scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I am scared that it could end things for us. I am scared that if I do this, you won't want to touch me again. I am scared that if I do this and it goes wrong, I won't want to touch you again for letting me, no, MAKING me do it. I know you are not making me do anything but that's how I will feel after. I am also scared that I would turn into a dirty slut."

"You are already a dirty slut," Jack tried to lighten the mood. "That's why I married you."

I smiled weakly.

"Be serious, Jack, please. Sorry, honey, but I need you to be serious."

"I don't think it could end things for us. I know I want you to do this and like I said, I would be there and I would pull the plug on the whole thing at the first sign of any trouble. That includes me not being able to take it. I cannot imagine a time when I would not want to touch you. I am crazy about you. You may have noticed? If it goes wrong, again, it stops. Period. And I know you too well, if I thought for one second this would turn you into something you are not, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

I smiled, relieved to hear what I already knew. I just needed to hear it.

"Who would you get to do it, to do me?" I asked.

"None of your business," he grinned. "Isn't that the whole point?"

"Yeah," I grinned back. "Just testing. But we need to lay out some rules if this is ever going to work."

"Ok," Jack turned serious. "The guys would be carefully handpicked, tested, checked. Nobody you work with, nobody I work with. No neighbors! No unnecessary complications. It can't happen here. This is our home, our nest. It has to happen somewhere, you know, neutral. And most of all, right down to the wire, it cannot happen if either one of us back out. Even at the very last moment, say the word, I pull the plug."

He never ceased to surprise me, that man. The way he described it was almost exactly how I had it planned in my head. Apart from the detail of not doing it here. I hadn't thought of that and I was deeply embarrassed that he had.

"And no matter how much you bug me about it, before or after, I am not going to tell you who any of the guys are. Never." He added with a determined set to his jaw that he knew always failed to work against me. This time, however, I suspected he would stick to his guns.

We spent the next two hours talking back and forth, laying out rules, coming up with objections, resolving them. I doubt there has ever been a military campaign planned so meticulously. Finally, we found ourselves talking in circles, going over the same well trodden ground.

"Are we going to do this?" I was sat in my favorite place, on his lap. "Really?"

Jack looked at me carefully, taking his time.

"Yes. We are."

We stared at each other, excited by the prospect, frightened at the prospect.

"Take me to bed," I whispered. "Make love to me, please?"

He carried me up the stairs, laid me on our bed and took me to heaven and back. Three times.

A week went by. Another. We talked about it constantly. Details were ironed out and crumpled up to be ironed out again. We knew it would happen on a friday for obvious reasons. Obvious to Jack, that is. I hadn't thought of them. We both had weekends off. Friday night was perfect because it gave us both a full two days to recover, if recovery was needed. Apart from recovery, doing it on a friday meant there was no need to rush anything. I was impressed and a little scared at just how much thought Jack put into this.

It also meant I could relax more easily through the week. That first friday, after our big decision, was fraught. I was jumpy, nervous as hell and about as aroused and excited as I could possibly be. Or so I thought.

On the fourth week, Jack turned cold on me. We didn't make love at all. We didnt fuck. I tried but he always brushed me off, tight lipped and silent. I thought that was that. I thought that my willingness to do this, to let other men fuck me, had sickened him and I was on my way to losing him. I tried asking him but he made reassuring noises and asked me to be patient. I didn't press him on it.

Friday morning came around and Jack was ready for work. I stood at the door with him, ready to give him his kiss, when he leaned close to me, whispering in my ear.

"Tonight," his words curled hotly over my ear. "It happens tonight."

He kissed me. I returned the kiss as best I could. My legs were like jelly. All of me was like jelly. Tonight. It became real.

I had an incredibly hard day at work on that day. It wasn't the work itself. That was mundane and repetitive as always. It was more my mind racing, my heart pounding, my body trembling and a constant, burning, almost desperate excitement that consumed me all day. I lost count of how many trips to the bathroom I had made, drying myself off as the excitement got too much for me. I even had to go out at lunchtime and buy a pack of fresh panties, five pairs, and by 3pm, I only had two pairs left.

"Mrs Karen Stokes?"

I looked up, my face flushed, knowing my arousal was all too obvious but unable to do anything about it. A man stood in front of me, young, in uniform. I frowned.

"Package for you, Mrs Stokes," the man said flatly. I reached out my trembling hand, feeling rather than seeing the package placed in it.

"Sign here, please."

I signed, my signature an illegible scrawl. The man looked at me.

"Everything ok, ma'am?" He asked.

"It's all good," I muttered. "Thanks."

He left and I looked down at the package. It was small, no bigger than a letter. I opened it nervously and emptied it out onto my desk. It looked like a credit card and a folded piece of paper. I was curious; curious enough to forget my insanely aroused state for a moment. I unfolded the paper.

"Majestic Hotel, Room 207, 7pm."

I knew that clipped, neat and methodical handwriting as well as I knew my own. Jack.

The credit card was not a credit card. It was the key to a hotel room. I suddenly felt sick and ran once more to the bathroom. My heart was hammering wildly in my chest. My hands shook uncontrollably and my mind had a full force storm of emotion, of excitement, of fear, raging through it.

"This shit became real" I whispered to myself, forcing a wry smile.

I thought of backing out. I still wanted this, my gushing vagina was proof of that alone. I wanted it so bad but I thought this was the time to back out. Then I thought of Jack, of all the trouble he had gone to. He clearly had the men lined up ready. He had booked the hotel room, even sent me the key. He wanted it too. I couldn't let him down.

That was the wrong thought. I couldn't let myself down. If I didn't do this, I would always wonder about it. If I didn't do this, I would probably end up cheating on Jack for real. I couldn't let that happen but something inside me, given my heightened state of excited arousal, told me it was likely. I stayed in the bathroom long enough to regain some form of control. I peeled off another soaked pair of panties, tossing them into the sanitary bin along with the others. I dried myself the best I could and slipped on another pair. I went back to my desk and sat down, collecting my ravaged thoughts. Some of them would not be collected.

I watched the clock avidly for the rest of the day. At 5pm, some of the agents who worked from the office came back to file whatever paperwork they had to file. I listened numbly to their talk of closing deals, making money and other insignificant matters. At 5.30pm, I once again had the office to myself.

At 6pm, I locked up and left, walking through the streets, my head buzzing, my heart thudding, my panties clinging uncomfortably to my soaked pussy. I took the bus, for a change. I didn't want to be on a crowded subway train in the state I was in. People packed tight against me would be too much to handle and I just knew the scent of my arousal would not go unnoticed.. The bus was busy but nowhere near as much. A guy sat beside me, watching me intently. I must have been giving off some pretty strong signals. I did what I always did at such moments. I raised my left hand, wiggled my fingers, showing my wedding ring. Eventually, he got the message. Then we reached my stop. I looked out of the window at The Majestic Hotel and my heart skipped a minimum of ten beats.

I walked through the lobby as if in a trance, reaching the lift. I stood in the lift, barely aware of the others who climbed in there with me. I got off on the second floor, walked a short way down the corridor to room 207. I paused there for an eternity, staring at the door. Eventually, I took out the key card and swiped it. The door opened with a deafening click.

I took the first faltering step into the darkened room and into silence. I reached for the switch and blinked rapidly in the blinding pool of brightness. The room was empty. Where was Jack? I closed the door behind me and sank down into an easy chair. It was either sit down or fall down at that point. It was a decent room, a good size. Two easy chairs framed a wooden dresser and the whole room was dominated by a king size bed. I stared at that bed, picturing what was going to happen on it, when I saw another folded piece of paper. I reached for it and unfolded it.

"Strip completely. Everything off."

That same neat handwriting. Something about the impersonal instructions got to me. I think anything would have got to me at that point. I did as it said, removing my soiled panties, my skirt, my blouse, folding them all and putting them on the back of one of the chairs. I kicked off my shoes too. The note said completely, after all.

"Good girl," I almost screamed in shock at the voice behind me. I whirled around and there was Jack, framed in the bathroom doorway. I ran to him, collapsing in his arms. He held me for a moment then gently pushed me to arms length.

"I said everything," he whispered, reaching for my hand. I watched as he slipped my wedding ring from my finger, pocketing it. I looked at him inquisitively. He pulled me close again.

"I know this is hard for you," he whispered. "I know you thought about backing out. I did too. It scares me and it excites me all at the same time. You too?"

I nodded, clinging to him.

"I took off your wedding ring because I think if I saw it on your hand when they... when it all starts, it would complicate things. Do you understand that?"

I nodded. I understood.

"We have not made love this week," Jack went on. "And I said I would explain. I thought that after a week of frustration, you would be more open, more willing." His hand brushed over my stomach, down over my mound, eliciting a deep moan from me as his fingers glided over my soaked sex. "Was that wrong of me?"

"No," I breathed.

"Turn around," he ordered, pushing me gently from my hold on him. I did as I was told. Something black closed over my eyes, cutting off my sight. I could hear my heartbeat then, so loud, so fast. Jack felt it too. His lips came close to my ear.

"Remember," he spoke soothingly, calmly. "I am with you. If it gets too much, say the word and it all stops. Ok?"

I nodded as he guided me blindly to the bed, easing me down on the soft covers.

"And if it gets too much for me, I will stop it. Is that ok with you? No matter what?"

I nodded again, unable to speak at this point. He gently stroked my cheek and whispered in my ear one more time.

"I love you."

"I l-love you t-too," I stammered in response. His lips brushed over mine for an instant.

"Then we begin," he said more loudly. I heard movement, slow, steady, padding footsteps perhaps? I heard the thunk of a closing door. I heard breathing, deep breathing.

I jumped as hands rested on my thighs, stifling a cry. Other hands moved to my stomach, touching, stroking gently. I felt a hand in mine and an arm around my shoulder, knowing that to be Jack. He made shushing, gentle sounds as the two pairs of hands caressed me so softly. A third pair joined them, on my breasts this time, my nipples hard at the touch, my back arched. The hands on my thighs moved inwards, slowly, softly. I tensed and they stopped, stroking gently until I relaxed slightly. Then they put pressure on my inner thighs, easing them apart. I resisted at first but the squeeze of my hand was so reassuring.

The hands stroking my stomach dipped down over my taut skin, down over my trimmed mound, touching my sex, making me jump again. The hands on my thighs moved up and a finger entered me effortlessly. I cried out, biting my lower lip.

"Man, she is..."

"No talking!" Jack snapped. "Not another word." I squeezed his hand then.

Silence returned apart from the heavy breathing, my own, the swish of hands on my bare skin. The hands on my breasts caressing me, pinching my hard nipples, the finger inside me joined by another, another finger moving in circles over my hardened clit. It was too much.

I came there and then. An instant orgasm that took me by surprise. But it wasn't instant, was it? The foreplay had lasted several hours, ever since Jack said "Tonight". My orgasm was powerful, loud, violent enough to pause the hands on my body for a moment. They soon returned to the stroking, caressing, impaling of my shaking body. Another hand stroked my cheek and I frowned, trying to count the hands on me. I lost track. Was it four pairs now?

Jack tried to ease his fingers from my grip and my grip tightened. I need his hand. I needed him to ground me, to keep me sane. The stroking continued until suddenly, it stopped, every hand removed. I lay there, panting, breath coming in short ragged bursts in the silence. I felt a weight on the bed, low down, between my legs. I flinched again as a hand rested on each knee, prising them further apart. I swallowed hard. This was it, I thought. This was it. Oh God, this was it...

The weight on the bed shifted upwards, covering me. I felt skin on my skin, sliding up my legs. And then I felt something move over my swollen pussy lips. Something soft yet unyielding, moving up and down, following the contours of the folds of my sex.

"Are you ok?" Jack whispered.

"Yes," I croaked.

"Are you ready?" he whispered back.

"Yes" I breathed.

And then I screamed as a cock, a cock I didn't know, a cock I had not seen, entered me all too easily, filling my pussy in one fast lunging thrust. I screamed again as another orgasm rippled through me, not as violent, not as powerful. The unseen man began to move, slowly at first, his cock gliding in and out of my pussy. I heard the sounds it made, the hot wet sounds of my arousal as his cock slid into me. He became more urgent, fucking me harder, his thrusts becoming more powerful. My hips had started to move with him, flexing and rising to meet his thrusts. I moaned each time. It felt so good, so excitingly good. I opened my mouth to scream again and felt something touch my lips. I knew what it was and I craned my neck, parting my lips further as another cock slid into my mouth. I sucked on that cock, I sucked hard. My tongue was never still, swirling over the thick shaft. Jack let go of my hand, pushing it down the bed until it reached another hard cock. My fingers wrapped around it, squeezing and stroking it.

I had become a creature of instinct, of response. I did what I did without thought. The sensations running through me made cogent thought impossible. The cock inside me swelled, stiffened and I knew what was coming. And come it did, hot semen rushing into me, filling my unprotected pussy. I screamed in pleasure too, muffled by the cock buried in my mouth.

The weight lifted from me, immediately replaced by another. The cock gone from my hand as the unknown man took his place between my spread thighs. Another cock entered me, not so easily. It was bigger, thicker, stretching me wide. Whoever he was, he was careful. He eased it into me slowly until he was fully inside. He withdrew just as slowly, fucking me so carefully, letting me get used to him. I felt him lean down and my heart lurched again. Bearded lips kissed mine and I breathed in his scent.