All Comments on 'Not on My Watch'

Did you even read this? Didn't seem like the sellers were very flattered. Not a very good story by not a very good writer. Two stars.

means never jumping to conclusions or fantasies, TK U MLJ LV NV

Good premise (wife thought her hubby was dying; it was instead their dog) but the inevitable editing mistakes detract from the story. It's the curse of the amateur author: no editor. Plus, the story is just one quick vignette, so we don't get too involved with the characters. But still, a good read. The prose flows smoothly and is easy to read. And some people like quickies.

It sure does not have an apostrophe. Plurals are not made with apostrophes.

Decent but you failed to stick the landing with fantasy’s instead of fantasies and not reopening your quotation marks for “who said anything about...”. But the worst mistake was completely blowing the punchline when you dropped the ‘my’ with “Not on watch”. It just fizzles out when you make goofs like that on what is supposed to be the payoff.

“When we sat on the sofa Paul put his arm around me and Max our - well really my English bull dog, waddled over and laid his head on my bear feet as Paul clicked the TV remote.”. It is too bad that she has bear feet. It must be really difficult to find good looking shoes. Maybe you meant to say “bare feet”?

Made me laugh. Those poor sailors!

You switched up the characters and had the Lafleurs make comments about the house, grammatical and spelling mistakes were common; but overall a twist on the usual tripe we are nun dated with.

Second story today with major narrative errors and editing failures.

The plot was ruined....

The basic idea maybe the basis of a good story. But.....

I suggest a re-write and find an editor. Then re-post the story.

I hope I didn't hurt any feeling's, as I have been told I'm a major cross to bear....😄😄😂.

AMerryman

Fun read, that is what this site is all about.

All of that setup for no payoff whatsoever? What on earth is the point of this? The whole cancer storyline was irrelevant, unless that was used as the sole reason why she agreed to fulfill his fantasy. Even then, so little emotion was portrayed that readers are forced to wonder why this woman is talking about sex after learning her husband is dying.

One quibble about the editing: when you write dialogue, the part between the quotes is what the characters are saying out loud. Any additional narrative should be outside of the quotes.

“I’m cumming!” she shouted.

Not: “I’m cumming she shouted!”

A husband who's teasing his wife about getting strange cock and then, without any real prompting, tells her that his real fantasy is a M/F/M threesome that he goes into detail about? That's more than a "fleeting fantasy". If she had gone out and set it up, he'd have no one to blame but himself.

... but instead, she's a reasonable person, and talks to him first.

Similarly, if he were like half of the quick-tempered LW husbands, you could have had him blow up at the wife's suggestion about going out and finding another guy.

... but instead, he's a reasonable person, and talks to her first.

Which is all great for a relationship, but leaves us with a story about two ordinary reasonable people who have a brief misunderstanding that's swiftly resolved, which means there's no real conflict or drama or stakes or really any meat to the story.

Sir, do you suppose it would be possible for us to get your vacation schedule? Is there some point during the summer when you will take a vacation, say a couple of weeks, and be without electronic access?

If possible, could you make it somewhere around July 4? We are actually hoping you will take two vacations, one around July 4, and the other around March 17. I can get you half-price tickets to Disney and Universal, but only on those two dates. I hear that Sherwood Forest is lovely in July, as well, so perhaps a lengthy hiking tour among the majestic trees would be salubrious. Please advise, Randi, for the Worldwide Association of Cross Bearers.

I enjoyed this little tale of miscommunications. Obviously some readers didn't think it was up to snuff but that's the loving wives peanut gallery for you. The best laugh may have been when Randi decided to blowup a Merryman out of the blue! No comment about the story. Just the commentator! Now THAT was funny! I do question her offer of half price tickets to Disneyland. Mickey is a tight ass and likes to get his full nickel from everyone for everything. Thanks for the effort.

Your story was not much of a story.

And the punch line was botched...

"Not on watch," he chuckled. <<--- get an editor.

It was kind of obvious there was a curveball on its way but it was a strike.

The lady really proved her love for Bill.

I like it as far as it goes. I would have put the dog reference earlier in the story and tied it to the empty nest. When it is stated, my immediate reaction was the dog has the cancer. The friend’s affair with her boss is left hanging so one wonders why it’s there and what impact it has on the story of their lives.

I gave it a 4* for content and hope the rest of it gains some momentum.

Thanks for sharing your effort.

Great story, amazing love between two lovely souls.

This sparked faint ripples of memory of O. Henry's " The Gift of the Magi ". Yet here the couple is prosperous and not impoverished. Yet in both the theme of life is made up of smiles, sobs and sniffles with the sniffles predominating is explored. Writewinger deftly dispatched poor Max, so this golden couple can keep on living unalloyed resume of monogamy.

Now I want a sequel where unscrupulous but genius medical researcher invents and offers magic elixir to cure dog , but if it works and malignancy disappears… .the comely narrator has to spend week in Paris with him.

Charming read overall, not presumptious or overweening. I thank the author for sharing.

Husband was smart and realized that some fantasies need to stay just that. Good story

Love this story..... sexy but not over the top. Very real and well written. Nice job !!

I like your stories but your technique makes them hard to read. Your constant use of leaving the dialogue tag in the previous paragraph.really, really gets old. Dialogue tags should be in front, in the middle, or at the end of the sentence. You can also lead into a sentence by using an action sequence.

One question when did carol become Lisa? Other wise a pretty good read.

Good, complete little story. Enjoyed it very much.

No reason to identify the buyers and sellers by name, especially first and last names since their identities were not relevant to the story. You could have just referred to them as "the buyes" and "the sellers" and you wouldn't have had to keep track of who they were - Carol became Lisa and I had a hard time trying to figure out why Mrs. Laffer was making snide comments about her own house. And what did Marge's one night stand with her boss have anyhing to do with the story? You could have used that space developing the three main characters, to include Max who was more pertinent to the story than the Laffers and the Mortons.

This is supposed to be a site for sex stories; not junior high English Writing.

and good read

Reminded me of an episode of The Honeymooners where Ralph intercepts a Dr's report sent to his wife.“A severe case of manochromia exists. This is the type of disease that normally affects Boxers. The signs are: blue tongue, hair falling out and irritability." He thinks it's about him but it turns out to be his mother-in-law's dog.

"Not On My Watch" is a nice little story and the wife turns the tables stating her fantasy and making him wonder.

Cuckold crap!

WTF WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS. 1*

That was funny. Except for those unable to remove that stick from their backside

Not bad at all, 4.3*..... I figured out the catch early but still good. YOU made a big typo on the story title phase, "Not on watch,".... MY?

What you selectively left out of the story was Bill's profession, letting the rouse grow.

But the cuck diversion flatten the story for me. You left the bimbo cheater diversion hanging.

A pretty good story with a couple of good twists.

Great original story. Some typos and bad grammar detract from it being epic.

Good story. Fun twist. Thanks for the effort. 5*

Reminded me of an old “Honeymooners” episode where Ralph reads a report his wife left out saying that he was dying.Turns out it was from the Vet about his mother-in-law’s dog.

Who is Lisa Morton? Suddenly her name appears out of nowhere.