All Comments on 'Not Related by Blood'

Awesome story please continue it

I really don't know what else to do. A lot of my stories are one shots. Sometimes I can think up ideas for sequels but this one is pretty much done. I don't know what else to do with it.

written in a way that made it seem long and boring. Heavy editing might fix it but not sure it is really worth the effort.

I couldn't get past the 2nd page.

He pulls up to his house amd walks in. Then later tells his (sexy?!!) 200 plus pound aunt he walked into his best friends.

I'll do some more editing on it. It seems like every time I think I've got everything on my stories, I leave something in. Much appreciated for pointing that out. Thanks for being nice about it.

Start by cutting away lots of tedious and boring details that has no implication for the understanding of the characters or the plot of the story, E.g. the distance from the bed to the night table, the specific brand and colours of various items etc.

But the main reason why I neither came past page 2 was that the story and the characters seemed constructed and unreal. Try e.g. to explain what kind of relationship there previously has existed between the main character and his aunt that may make her think its OK to bring him into a sex toy store the moment his wife has cheated on him.

But if you really don't understand how you should go about to improve the writing, maybe your aspirations currently exceeds your abilities. Reading lots of quality literature first may be a good approach in trying to become a (good) author.

I can easily offer some suggestions, both to greatly reduce the length of the latest story, but also for a Smokin' HOTtt sequel to it..

Jim

And absolute crap! If this is your style of writing and story telling - don't waste your time.

You know what's really funny to me? When people will use the most rude and hurtful things they can think of to insult your work instead of laying it down on you in a more polite way. I especially find it amusing that you have to hide yourself behind 'anonymous',inch like the hacker group, in order to lay down the insults.

If you're going to insult me, at least use a name, instead of being a coward.

This is exactly why I'm done writing once I finish the Silver Coast Beach and Gift From Hell series.

I'll admit my past submissions probably weren't the best, but is that really necessary to be an ass? (no pun intended). Like I said though: Finishing up two series' then I'm done here.

Erotic writing isn't my thing. So I'm calling it quits on that and sticking to non-erotic which I'm better at. So don't worry. I won't 'bother' anymore.

The vision of a 220 pound 47 yr woman being the sex object......

The main character also sounds childlike. No wonder wifey fooling around!

well...

I enjoyed the story. The writing was good; you know how to express yourself using the written word (unlike some who put their efforts on Literotica... and I am way beyond tired of encountering their crap).

I didn't expect that you would be able to maintain the peaks and troughs for seven pages. But you did, and quite well to boot.

It's a pity you allowed the morons to affect your desire to write erotic fiction. If it's what you want, then go for it. Our loss.

But I am glad you aren't giving up on all of your literary activities. You've too much to tell and a good way of telling it.

Don't let the bastards grind you down. Life's too short to allow their lack of taste to linger long; fuck'em.

Keep up the good work.

Please, re-read your story before you post. There were several typo errors on the very first page alone. Also, don't rush the story just to throw the sex in. If the intent of the story was to find out his wife was gang banging his best friend, and her aunt was interested in him, you should have completely skipped the "we knew each other as kids.. I filled out playing football in HS, then she moved back.." yadda yadda.. Just simply say "My wife Gina and I knew each other since we were kids. She had moved away for a while but came back after high school where we resumed our school age crush." Boom, simple to the point and explains how you got involved perhaps too young. To go from the paragraphs introduction, then 'boom we got married and we're 21, and I've got a week off of work because I've got a stalker" was throwing too much information that wasn't necessary to the story in there.

As for the sex scenes, don't rush them for the sake of throwing as much into the story as you can, and please again proof-read, spell check, and go over your sentences. A "Glory-hole" isn't another word for a woman's sexual organ. Its a hole in the wall where a person has anonymous sex with another person.

I like the enthusiasm, but take your time, proofread, edit. Also quite a bit of the dialogue seems horrible juvenile. While a 20 something may use some of that language, a 47 yr old woman wouldn't.

I decided to comment before I finished your story. In the future, regardless whether you choose to write erotic or non erotic stories, please don't use commas after your adjectives. Example… "I saw a red, balloon." Try writing, "I saw a red balloon." instead.

Good luck!

Now, back to your story.

I had to skip from 4th to 7th page then skim paragraphs. Boring, repetative.

great story, just say fuck you annony you old ugly fat fag no wonder your wfie cheated on your sorry ass.

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!

I think your story was really hot. Don't let the rude comments get to you, Rome, certainly wasn't built in a day, you'll get better.