All Comments on 'Not Your Typical Family Ch. 01'

Your story has a lot of good meat on the bones. However your grammar and spelling make it virtually unreadable. It is nearly impossible to proofread your own work very well. Look on the Literotica.com menu page and find the link to find editors!!!!

Not going to rate this until you do.

It doesn't happen often ....to find an anonymous comment being constructive ....but I agree with it. At times throughout this story I had to guess what you were really trying to say. And though some of the words were spelled right they weren't the right word. The story has promise but I would suggest you try not to jump around. Example : from slave sister to "soon to be slave sister" with help from slave mother…etc. I will be looking for the next installment.

3 stars...hoping to give more next time.

Before you write chapter 2, you should work on chapter 1 one more time. First the spelling and grammar are loosy.

Second your plot doesn't make sense.

I had a hard time understanding what was happening because you introduce his girlfriend Kristine without warming just as he breaks up with Sarah. You talk about winter break and summer vacation at the same time. Your time line isn't clear at all so it's impossible to follow.

To conclude, there is no background on the characters (or very little) so it's hard to connect with them and a woman doesn't submit to her son just because he forces himself on her and then doesn't let her cum. It's too simple. Where is the seduction? The guy is just full of himself for me. He is not a dom.

Your idea is good but your story needs serious work to be good.

Thanks!

This was so bad, I do not even think a good editor could help you. PLEASE STOP, and delete this rambling mess!!

Your poor spelling and bad grammar killed this story. Good writing has a certain flow to it and yours didn't have any. Listening to a recording of your story would make my head explode.

I liked it, spelling and grammar didn't bother me at all. Can't wait for chapter 2

Hope you haven't let this story drop.

Please finish the next chapter soon.

To those that critcised this story. My apologies - it was a first story I wrote many years ago. I did a little proof reading, but not enough. I am currently rewriting this story for better flow, spelling, and grammar errors. I hope to have it finished soon.

Thanks

Barber

more please great base build on it

Nice story would like more

AndyA

the writing made it a little hard to follow but was still a good story

A couple of times I was reading along, having a good old time, when WHAM. You throw in a really wacky sentence and confused me. Had to reread a couple of times. I would say get an editor but most wasn't that bad. I would suggest you have someone at least read your stories a couple of times before you post.

Not a bad start but I would’ve enjoyed your story more if you found an editor..⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Aussie - this was my first attempt at publishing a story. I have since found an editor outside of Literotica to do my proof reading.

Barber