Nursing a Relationship

"Well, aren't there any other way? Scale down on office-space or something?"

"Long term contract, it will cost even more to renegotiate that. I feel guilty looking for a summer-house for us at the same time as I have to kick Alice to the curb. She will be left without husband, house and job but with three kids to support. It makes me feel ashamed that I even think about doing that to her."

"Honey, don't do it then! If we cut down, take out a mortgage on the house or sell off some of the forest, will that change anything?"

"Well, yeah, it would. At least short-term, depending on how much we can cut down. I don't think I can get another loan on the company, not now, but the house is worth a lot so with that as security we ought to be able to manage. But it has its risks, Randy: I can't guarantee that we will be back on track in a few years, that is based on my knowledge of plans for new schools and so on. There is nothing that says that we will get a piece of that though, even if we do have a good reputation."

"I understand that, but at the same time your people depends on you and that means that you have a responsibility towards them. Hell, let me rephrase that: our people, we have a responsibility. If that is what it takes it is worth it, isn't it? Even if the worst should happen we will manage somehow, won't we? Together! If you . . . we, don't have enough work to keep Alice busy she can do some things here at the house, assist in school, work in a soup kitchen or anything. Why not let all our employees spend some time on charity jobs, including us? Meg could do some sketches how to improve that ugly park at that old school for example."

Celia chuckled at that.

"Yeah, that would certainly be a service to the public. If you are sure it is worth the risk I'll look into it tomorrow."

"I'm sure. I don't want to see you worried like this and I'm sure we will manage somehow if we try."

"Thanks love! I needed to hear that. Will you make love to me now? I sure need that too!"

Celia never mentioned any names to anyone at the office as far as I know, but she called a meeting with the staff and presented the facts, telling them about the charity jobs that would fill part of everyone's time, adding that she cut her salary to zero and that expenses were to be minimized until further notice but that the jobs were safe. She also had a private conversation with Alice, asking how she managed with everything. In short she was told that Alice held it together but not much more. Her husband wanted their house sold as soon as possible and refused to sign anything before that.

Alice was reluctant to uproot the kids but didn't have the strength to handle everything. That led to an offer that they could move into our guest house. It was much smaller of course, but her kids already knew ours, we had the huge garden with swimming-pool, fruit-trees and bushes with the forest around to play in. Our house was also large enough to house the kids playing indoors if needed.

Alice response was, as could be expected, hesitant. It would sure feel good to get the divorce out of the way since her husband had already moved away to another family out of town and showed no interest to see his own kids, but she didn't feel comfortable with 'bothering' us. Celia told her straight up that it wasn't a bother but something friends did for each other. She did not intend to pressure any more, but Alice should think about it for a week.

They moved in two weeks later and their house was put out for sale.

The economy did get back on track and due to the preplanning and charity work done, the company was in a good position to grab a part of the expansion when it came.

The boat deserves a special chapter I think. I grew up with boats since my grandparents had both a sailing boat and a day-cruiser. If I'm not close to water - at least a creek or a pond - I feel like I'm lost in a desert. I don't have to be able to go out in a boat, not at all, but of course that makes it even better. After we had given up on our plans for a summerhouse on the coast and Alice family had moved into our guest house I joined in on the charity work.

Alice, Meg or Celia took over the chores at our house at those times and I did something else. There was a nursing home not far away and I spent some time there, talking with the elders, walking with them, caring for them or anything. Soon I got quite close to some of them and we went down memory lane quite often. One of them was Phil who had moved in after a stroke when he no longer could take care of himself. There was nothing wrong with his capacity to think clearly or remember things, but he had lost much of the control over the right side of his body. He still owned a house by the lake a few kilometres outside of town but thought about selling it as he couldn't return there.

Without any children he was at a loss how he should manage it though: someone had to clear out the place and there were things he wanted to keep as memories of his departed wife. As we talked he mentioned the things and why they were important. One of the things was 'the Boat'. They had bought it 50 years ago, a 'beauty in mahogany' he said, and they had spent a lot of time out sailing.

It had held a special place in their relationship, but when his wife had died he never used it again. It had lain in a barn for ten years without proper care, only as a visual reminder of what they had once had. He regretted it now, that he had let it 'fall to pieces', but as it was too late he wanted it 'put to rest' as he could no longer repair it.

As it was, I took him out to his former home to help him gather the mementos he wanted. It was a beautiful house even though it was not in perfect shape any more. It was somewhat difficult to get the wheelchair inside but in the end we managed and began to sort through all the belongings. It was clear to me that this would take weeks since he stopped to touch every single item, telling me the history behind it, but I wasn't in a hurry anyway.

The second week as we arrived he asked me to wheel him over to the barn. When I did and opened the double doors, there it was: the Boat. Dusty and dirty for sure but with beautiful lines, all in mahogany, with the top of the low cabin in white. As far as I could see it hadn't fallen to pieces at all but there was certainly things to take care of anyway. He stroked it with his left hand and whispered something I couldn't hear. I stroked along the hull too:

"It's beautiful! So sleek and beautiful!" I said and he nodded.

"That it is, just like it's namesake Anna, my wife. Now you understand don't you? Such beauty should be used, cutting through the waves, not lay in a barn until it is just a heap of wood. I wish I could take her out one final time at least, but it won't happen now. It's better to let her go up in flames then."

His eyes were as sad as his voice and I really felt for him.

"What if I get her back in shape and then take you out on a cruise Phil? Would you like that?"

"Of course I would! I could rest in peace after that, but could you do it?"

"At least I can try. I know about boats and I know how to sail. As far as I can see there are no real damage done to her yet. A lot of cleaning, some yarn to get her dry, coating and some TLC."

"Well, if you want to do it she is yours. Just promise me one thing: if you don't finish it, burn her! I should have done that myself years ago."

"You have my word Phil."

So there I was, the owner of a boat in need of work. All of a sudden I was even more busy than I had been, and when you get a problem you're not sure that you can handle you call . . . Daddy! That was what I did too and he wasn't hard to convince to at least take a look at 'Anna'. I think it was love at first sight for him when I took him out to the old barn.

"This . . . this is a real boat!" he exclaimed and I think I saw a tear in his eye "How can anyone leave such a beauty in a barn to dry up like this?"

I told him the background and he nodded his understanding.

"I see. Well, we better make good on that promise to restore her for both Anna's sakes then, but we better get her over to your house first."

I still spent time with Phil and the others, but dad compensated for that. Almost every evening and weekend he spent on it, sometimes with me, at other times with friends. The mast had to be replaced as well as the tackling and sails, but the hull seemed to be okay. I dare not think about how many man hours it took, but in late June 'Anna' was once more in her right element, water. There was some leaking naturally, but that is to be expected with a wooden hull and dad was happy that it was a small amount after all.

We made a few test runs to make sure we had got it all right and then, two weeks later, I gathered Phil and took him to the marina. Mum and dad waited there and Phil was lifted over to Anna's stern. With his left hand on the tiller and dad to steady him on the other side, and with mum and me as crew, Phil once more captained his love under sails. We stayed out several hours before we returned, and after we had hoisted him ashore Phil grabbed my hand.

"Thank you, son, you have no idea how much this means to me! Take care of my girl for me now!"

He hugged mum and dad, and after that I drove him back to the home. It was the last time I saw Phil Samuels, he died three days later, the day before my next visit, and the nurse who found him said that he had a smile on his lips and a picture of himself and a woman on a boat in his hand. Mum, dad and I went to the funeral as a courtesy and except some nurses and friends from the home - a dozen in all - we were the only ones there.

Phil had no close relatives as far as I knew, and a few weeks later I kind of got that in writing. One morning after breakfast the phone rang and when I answered, a voice said:

"Mr Goodman, my name is Mark Woodrow from Woodrow&Sons. I'm a lawyer and are calling about the passing of Philip Samuels a few weeks ago."

"Okay, is there any problems with that, his passing I mean?"

I had no idea what it was all about, but a lawyer doesn't call you to say 'hi', does he?

"Not at all, no problems I assure you, but we handled his affairs and among those his last will. Since you are mentioned in it, Mr Goodman, I would like for you to visit me at my office this Friday at two pm. Would that be possible?"

"Sure. Sure, I'll be there. Can you tell me what it is all about, more precisely I mean?"

"I'm afraid not, Mr Goodman, but you will understand on Friday, I assure you. Thank you and goodbye for now."

So we arranged for Alice to take care of the kids that Friday and I went to Woodrow&Sons office. There I was shown into a conference room where Mark Woodrow met up and asked me to sit down before he turned his back to look at the door. Exactly at two he looked along the corridor and then closed the door, sitting down beside me.

"Now Mr Goodman, I can tell you what this is all about. Mr Samuels will was very precise in a way but very vague in others. It specifies exactly how things should be divided but not any other names than yours. Mr Samuels had no close relatives but a lot of distant ones. That is a double entendre as he had not heard from any of them for a very long time, but since they were his relatives anyway he decided to give them a chance. If any relative of his, after a notice was published in a local paper, were to show up here today no later than 2 pm, the inheritance would be theirs to share and you would only have his 'eternal thanks', as he writes, for giving him peace of mind. On the other hand, if no one showed up as is the case, you inherit everything: the house with land, bank savings and belongings."

There it was: I was the owner of a house overlooking the lake with 25 hectares of woodland and shore, together with bank savings amounting to six figures. After signing the papers and leaving I sat for awhile in the car, thinking. In all honesty I hadn't been that close to Phil. I liked him and I felt for him, sure, but no more than that. He, on the other hand, must have felt a deeper connection, mustn't he? After all he had made me his heir, a total stranger only a few months before he died.

I picked up my phone,

"Hi honey." I said when Celia answered "Are you busy?"

"No, can't say that I am. Passing time more or less."

"Good. Could you meet me back at the house as soon as possible? No panic, but soon? We're going on a picnic, kind of."

"Sure, but what is it? You sound strange, has something happened?"

"Well, yeah, you might say that, but it's nothing to worry about. I want to show you something, that's all."

I hung up and made some more calls before I started the car and left for home.

Alice was ready with the kids when I got there and Celia was waiting.

"What's going on?" Celia demanded to know, but I only smiled, kissed her and told her to get back inside her car. Alice and the kids were split up between the vehicles and we drove away with me leading the way. When I parked at Phil's old house my dad's car was waiting with my as well as Celia's parents in it. I gathered everyone around me.

"Dad, you have been here once before so you know that it belonged to Phil, but there are new owners now since half past two today: Celia and I!"

"What?!" Celia sputtered "What do you mean? Have you bought a house when we should cut down on our experiences?"

Her short fuse was lit and I hurried to calm her.

"No, no, no. I didn't buy anything!"

I told them what had happened and added:

"So this is ours, together with enough money to repay the mortgage on our house. The question is what to do with this place? It would be a shame to sell it with the lake view and all, but I prefer to stay at our house. A summerhouse? Sure, but only 15 km from home? Rent it out? Possibly, but to whom?"

The kids were let loose to explore, Celia snuck up against me, arm around my waist as we walked around. Dad showed the others the house to begin with.

"It is beautiful with that old house, the lake and the trees all around." Celia almost whispered "But I think you are right: it doesn't fit in our lives somehow. Our house here, yes. This place at the coast, absolutely. This house her, no. Any ideas?"

"Some, but it's not for me to suggest anything. I thought that your parents or Alice might be interested, but if I suggested it to Alice I'm afraid she would take it as a 'leave us alone now', and your parents might not be interested since they sold their house to move to an apartment. If none of them take the bait I figured I could try with Meg, but that is a long shot, alone here away from the nightlife. And you?"

"I like how you think, darling! And Randy, I'm sorry that I yelled again, you know how I am."

"Oh yes, that I do!" I chuckled "I wasn't presenting it the right way was I? That was bound to set you off."

"It was, good thing that you were fast with the explanation."

We sat down by the waterfront, watching the kids play, arms around each other, not talking. It was peaceful and we were close together in more than one way. Later the others came down to us.

"It is a wonderful place." Alice said "I would have loved to live here, but not alone with the kids. It's too isolated and too far from school to be practical too."

"Yeah, I can understand that Alice." Celia's mum said "For me, I can only say that I sometimes regret that we sold the house. Apartment life isn't all that fun after all. No garden to tend to, no flowers to smell, no silence at any time. Of course there were negatives with owning a house too, repairs and so on, but I guess you can't have everything the way you want it. This place is wonder-ful though. Just think about waking up every morning and look out over the lake and the forest while you eat breakfast."

Hearing that I smiled at Celia and blinked an eye, but stayed quiet. She spoke up instead.

"I'm sure dad appreciates city life though with no lawn mowing, no house to paint and no snow to clear. Right dad?"

"Mostly wrong Celia. Sure it wasn't always fun but I miss it too, quite often. Such a stupid thing as finding a parking space at home now can make me furious. What is mowing a lawn once a week in comparison, and you can sit down doing it now anyway."

Celia's smile grew wider.

"But surely you wouldn't want to live in a place like this? So close to the water and a forest on three sides."

"Are you trying to make me mad girl? If you are I can tell you that you are doing a good job, so keep it up! This place is perfect and you know it: fishing and hunting a stones-throw away!"

"Okay, if you say so, dad. When do you want to move in?"

"Stop teasing I say! Let it be."

"So you have changed your mind already? Mum, can you try to make him decide what he wants, once and for all?"

I couldn't hold back the laughter any more and my dad joined in soon enough, he has always been good at picking up hints:

"Let me spell it out for you since the youngsters have decided to pull your leg: they are offering you a new home!" he said then.

"Really, you mean that?" her dad asked Celia.

"Of course! Haven't you been listening? Randy gave the reasons why we won't sell or move here. Alice said it was too isolated and far from school for them, you and mum are humming and hinting that you miss the house. Here you have another one, with a view and hunting and fishing. What the hell are we going to do with it otherwise?"

"But you said you don't want to sell it?"

"Mum, explain to that stupid old man about family-ties and things like that! Randy and I will go and check on the pier to see if it is in good enough shape to anchor 'Anna' there."

Celia's dad might not be the smartest man alive but he got it in the end and they did move there as tenants with no rent. Celia was delighted as she had had the impression they weren't too happy in a city flat. 'Anna' was anchored at the pier instead of laying in the marina and became a popular vessel for both sets of parents. We made use of her too once in a while, but Mandy was sensitive when there were waves so it wasn't too often.

By now you might understand that owning a company and having employees can be both worrisome and time consuming at times. There is no one else to blame when things go wrong, and if you have a family there is also the feeling of not spending enough time with them at the same time as you have the responsibility towards your employees. Me staying at home eases a lot of pressure in many ways: the food is ready, laundry washed, house cleaned and cars served. Sure, that is certainly nice and all, and Celia knows to appreciate it.

It doesn't take away the responsibilities and feeling of guilt though. I can't say if it is worse for a woman than it is to a man, but what I do know is that it eats on Celia's mind from time to time.

Those feelings are, I think, the hardest thing to handle in a relationship. No matter what you say the feeling is still the same just because it is just that: a feeling. I think Celia is an excellent mother and wife as well as architect and boss, and I also tell her so, often. Still the self doubt comes crawling back once in a while.

I do have a remedy that seems to work quite well, but I think it is personal in many ways, adapted to our situation and personalities. When I feel that her mood is on the way down I keep in contact with her PA to get her views, and if she agrees I ask her to clear Celia's schedule sometime soon a Thursday and Friday. That Wednesday evening I have an extra nice dinner ready with a favourite wine. The kids have extra leave from school and are away to visit one set of grandparents which all parties appreciate. The lights in the house is dimmed down, soft music is playing, candles are lit on the table that has a white cloth and is set for two at opposite ends.