All Comments on 'Oblivion Ch. 01'

The plot so far is very interesting and I can't wait to see how things progress. Looking forward to more.

Male driders are always fun to read and see but it's hard to find any content online on them. Also the way your story is and how it's both funny and suspenseful is amazing and I love it. I hope you're story continues to be amazing because I'm sure enjoying it!

This is unreadable. It appears to be written as a script for a play or movie.

The writing style is a few words of dialogue followed by a long sentence which includes the speakers name and how he said what he said. This includes tone, body and hand gestures both dramatic or otherwise.

It’s unwieldy, difficult to read fluently and slow. You have to read many paragraphs to get just a couple of short sentences of dialogue.

Nope.... Editor? I’m not sure an editor could fix this. It’s a fundamental writing style problem. You write a short generic or bland dialogue sentence, no describing features what so ever. Then to give context to that you need a rediculously long sentence describing who, what, when, where, why and how. FOR EVERY SENTENCE !

This is crazy. The general flow of dialogue should imply just about all of this. If not then fix it. ie: If Bob is talking to Bill in a room at night then night only needs to be stated once, Bob and Bill might only need to be stated once and tone ect should be implied by the words. This is simplified and does not apply to all situations but is mostly right.

Bye.