All Comments on 'Obsessed with Ember Ch. 03'

for the conflicting elements of not only chapt. 3 but the first two as well.

Clarification: Vincent was Marine trained, not army. Vincent is 6'2'',not 6'4''. And Ember's torn dress was to covered up by her shawl. Sorry audience, I hate typos too. I hope it did not mess up the flow for you.

Two more chapters (I think) to finish. Please comment and once again looking for a reliable editor.

Sorry but what the fuck is up with people using Imma like its a real word? My cousin has been using it and then I read it here. When did people start making up unintelligent words that make no sense in a sentence. Besides that grammar error the rest of the chapter was good.

Why only 2 chapters let to finish?

=....= this is definitely non reluctance.

I'm actually excited to read more... pleeeeease, make it longer.

Just a suggestion, please make Ember's struggle and Vincent's retaliation and result more descriptive. So far in my mental picture, Ember isn't with bruises yet. Shouldnt she feel sore and tired from the sudden fuck? The place, i still cant picture. Also, their thoughts. The arrangement of their thoughts are too random. Sooo more visual descriptions, better arrangement and definition of each essence of the paragraph and grammar checks please, really. This is good.

-chocolate

Although frustrated with the delays, I am really enjoying this story and want to see it continue with as many chapters as the author desires, hopefully with fewer delays. I might add that, as an African American woman, I am ashamed to confess how much the interracial non-consensual theme turns me on.

Love a good nut job

Por favor , se lo suplico! No use español si no sabe hablarlo ni escribirlo. Arruina parte del contexto de la historia. There you have a good translation and not some free translator app ..please, I beg you! Don't use spanish if you don't how to speak it or how to write it. It ruins part of the context of the story.

I really enjoyed your story. .. Please update soon :)

1. This IS MY story.

2. Don't like it, don't read it.

3. Due to the fact that there are several dialects of the Spanish language, I am very comfortable with the Spanish dialect I chose to use.

4. There are several dialects of Spanish (at least 5 in European Spain), as well as the different versions of Spanish spoken in the Americas (Mexico,Belize, Panama, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Columbia, Venezuela, Eduador, Argentina) versions, to mention some; get over it.

5. I like my foreign text/ writing style.

6.Why are the complainers always Anonymous. (Rhetoric)

Thanks for your input. To be honest, I felt bad about the long wait and wanted to give u all something. But then that just proved the concept that quantity is rarely better than quality; I will try to do better with following chapters.

Oh the pain is coming, just trying to get it right.

Yes their thoughts need to be more precise. Gotcha on that.

I love interracial non-consent shit revolving around an African American female too... lol

I recommend "Run" by Eve Vaughn, "Taken" by Koko Brown, and "Gargoyle's Challenge" by Nia K. Foxx.

For some reason you took offense to the person that tried to offer you some writing advice. I don't get it, the advice wasn't malicious or mean-spirited. Why so nasty?

While I have no problems with your writing style, I do wonder how a woman that has been brutilized and had her vagina penetrated viciously can all of a sudden become aroused because her rapist slowed down his strokes?!? .....I'm sure it's your poetic license.. Right?

I'm anonymous because I don't have an account on Lit and I stop by occasionally to read a few good stories. Relax, not everyone is out to get you. Some reviews are just a persons opinion of your story not you as a person.

Good luck with your writing though.

why only 2 more chapters left?? this story can go for much longer. Oh man I feel sooo bad for Ember, dude is fucking nuts!!!

Sorry about the non standard English usage, but in general, people tend to become lax in their every day conversations when speaking informally. So why not Vincent? He does not really respect Ember, he views her less an individual with rights and more as a possession, so therefore he further demeans her by speaking informally to her as well as physically and sexually. He's a major jerk. The poor grammar is just another writing style. What if my characters were from Arkansas or characters from Tom Sawyer (which Samuel Clemens uses in books), it's a writing style to keep or create the tone of a story.

I can see that annoying a reader, but again, It's just a style I am trying out here. I appreciate your input though.

I'm glad you finally updated this story. Love how the characters interact with each other. Ember needs to play it safe, until she can escape from Vincent because he is a type of person who will not give up. Black-Maestra go to fiction press and look for a story call "Sabine Woman by Scribe Mozell" this is not interracial. This story would be consider NonConsent-Reluctance. Thank you Bain

i wish u would make her character much stronger where she does get her revenge and punches him in the face and knocks him down and a lil more violent against the people with him. and she takes off running

Please find a good editor before you go farther! A good editor would make your story shine. What you've done so far could be majorly improved on. I kept cringing at every missing word and there were too many to count. I wish I'd left off after the first chapter, but your story line IS interesting, only having to fill in so many random words seriously detracts from the story.

A trick learned recently by a favorite writer of mine, after she became unable to use her hands and started using dictation, she had the program read her back the story, and she picked up on many mistakes that she used to miss while reading from text. Though this writer never missed whole words, only a letter here and there.

So I wish you the best of luck in your future writing. And being I took the time to write this comment I hope you take it in the way I mean it, to help you be the best you can be.

Again good luck. pobrat

Would love to edit....please finish this story.

I hope you finish this it's so good. Vincent is crazy. Ember I like her. Enrique is intriguing.

I apologize for the lapse in writing, believe it or not though I may not be submitting the story is going on in my head, just need a time to breathe so as to put it down the way you all and myself would like it. I had an editor, but he bailed on my mid chapt. 2. He had great incite and military experience. I have had others to offer but then "... life interrupted..." and some offer but never respond to my acceptance or 1 never sent back the section of the story I sent her.

A lot of your Spanish terms are terms we don't use anywhere in Latin America, and the sentences are grammatically incorrect. It's so awful, I couldn't understand most of it. Spanish is my first language. I think you should REALLY get an editor for the Spanish bits.

I am going out on a limb in guessing, by your statement you have little knowledge of the "Mother Tongue" tree or its numerous branches of the world to say the least. Google Translate gave me standard Spanish from Spain.

Did you know:

*In Spain, there are at least 5, yeah five various dialects of Spanish spoken, and that "Castilian" Spanish is considered the proper Spanish, meaning the King's language. I learned this years ago from a family member that is Spanish and was raised in Spain. *There are also numerous versions of British English (mi esposo es ingliteria) spoken not only in America, but around the world: American English (New Jersey vs. Southern Calif.) and Colonial English (The Caribbean Islands).

*In Latin America, which has way more dialects of Spanish spoken than its land of origin (keep in mind the various countries of Central and South America... like did you know cinco (#5) in Argentina is pronounced thinco? Or that Guatemala's Spanish word for gay (homosexual) is translated to "Lazy" in Mexico?

*In Baton Rouge, Louisiana the locals have their very own unique version of the Romantic Language, a combination of Spanish/French, Creole/Cajun, some English, and the local Native American language, with a sprinkling of Chinese. So labeling the language is a toss-up; so whose to say what semantic, syntax, or grammatical errors were made.

Am I a smart azz, most definitely, if I was wrong, I apologize, but I seriously doubt I was. See, its all a matter of one's interpretation. I don't want to offend anyone, but know your stuff when you correct a person. Y, si es verdad, yo hablo espanol muy pequeno. That was my 3 years of school Spanish.

Did u post this story on Valent chamber?