Off with Her Pants

"Two regular hamburgers, one large fries, one diet coke, and please don't ask any questions," I said. "Here is a money for your magic money box."

The girl looked at me like I was mildly insane, but punched in my order and made change without any fuss. I decided she was my new best friend.

I tore into my first burger as soon as I sat down at one of the tables. Fay was still terribly pleased with herself. She nibbled at her french fries and sipped her coke while she watched me devour my food.

"Did you know you go slightly feral when you haven't eaten?" she asked.

"Seems that way. God, I hope those guys at the counter don't think I'm too crazy."

"I can't imagine that you even break the top ten weirdest encounters this week. Customers are fucked up, dude."

"Uh huh."

I slowed down halfway through the second burger. I switched to picking at the fries to give my tummy time to settle out a bit.

"Your mystery boy's still giving you trouble, huh?" Fay said as she played with her straw.

"Why are you inferring that from my being hungry?"

"Because something's clearly throwing off your whole rhythm."

"My rhythm?"

"Your routine. Your ability to look after yourself."

I poked a french fry into the ketchup and swirled it around a little. Fay knew me too damn well. It would be nice sometimes if she wouldn't poke around in every little trouble I had.

"Ok, you're right. It's the boy thing again."

"Knew it. Did you go on a date yet?"

"I told you it wasn't that kind of relationship."

Fay shrugged. "Mighta changed since last time."

She wasn't wrong, exactly. Things had changed. Just... not in the way she probably assumed. The important question was whether or not I should tell Fay about any of the stuff that had happened. I needed to get it out of my head, but I also desperately needed no one to ever find out how I'd let my brother touch me.

"Nope," I said. "Still not my boyfriend."

"Why not?"

"Because. Alright?"

Fay took another sip of her drink, eyeing me all the while. Her soul-staring was a bit unnerving.

"Do you want him to be?"

I opened my mouth to answer 'no' immediately, but I didn't quite get there. I hesitated and thought about it for a few seconds before realizing that my first instinct had been correct. Of course I didn't want to date my brother.

"No," I said.

"Are you sure? You don't seem sure."

"He can't be my boyfriend, and neither of us want that anyway."

"I see. He's already married?"

I flicked a small fry at my friend's face. "Don't start guessing, Fay, or I'm going to have to stop talking to you about this."

"Fair enough. Do I at least get a hint as to what happened this time? I can't help if I've got no info to work with."

The remaining half of my second burger was getting cold in front of me. I thought about taking another bite just to buy time, but my sanity and appetite had returned mostly to normal, and it just didn't look appealing anymore.

"Something happened," I said. "And it's not really important what it was. I just haven't seen him since then, and I'm a little scared everything's ruined."

"Oh, honey...." Fay reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze. "Did you have a fight?"

"No."

"But everything's possibly ruined?"

"I mean, probably not. I just need to see him again. Maybe I should call."

I brightened up a little as the completely obvious solution occurred to me. I absolutely could just call Denver and see what he was feeling. Or text him, maybe, so I didn't appear like I needed immediate reassurance.

"So, don't get mad at this question..." Fay said.

"God, that's ominous."

"It was a sex thing, wasn't it?"

"Fay...."

"No, listen though. If it is, and you don't have to confirm it because I'm, like, ninety-five percent sure it is, then you've got nothing to worry about."

"Alright. I'll bite. How do you figure that?"

Fay smiled and pushed her drink aside. "I'm glad you asked."

"And suddenly I'm not."

"Oh, hush." Fay cleared her throat. "So you did sexy stuff with a boy. Doesn't really matter what it was, though I think it's safe to guess that wasn't full sex or anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I know you. Anyway, you do whatever you did, then presumably you don't get a chance to talk about what happened with your boy-toy afterward. Hence your current anxiety."

I nodded. That was fair enough, except for the 'boy-toy' thing.

"Here's the secret," Fay continued. "You're thinking about this encounter emotionally, or maybe logically. Guarantee you your boy's only thinking about how hot it was."

"Fuck's sake. That's your big reassuring speech? Boys think with their dicks? Great. What a revelation."

I slumped back in my seat and pushed my hair back with both hands. I didn't know what I'd expected from Fay, but certainly something more than 'boys like doing sexy things.'

"See, I don't think you're thinking this all the way through," said Fay. "You've got the pieces, but they aren't in quite the right places." She moved her hands around the table, illustrating her points. "Boys like their penises played with. They also like hot girls. And then you put those together, and--"

"Never touched his penis," I mumbled.

"Oh." Fay faltered for a moment. "Not even grinding on it a little?"

"He touched me. That's all. And I just let him. And we shouldn't have done it. I don't know what's going on with me."

I almost felt like crying, but I wasn't that out of control. Especially to do it in a public place like that. There was something about admitting my worries out loud that made my emotions more intense, was all.

Fay scooted around to my side of the table. She put her arm around me and held me. It was a comforting sort of half-hug. It calmed me down a little.

"Relly?" Fay said softly. "He didn't... force anything, did he?"

"God no." My eyes went wide for a second as I thought I'd described events much differently than I meant to. I relaxed when I realized Fay was just making sure I was ok. "No, he didn't force me to do anything. He'd never do something like that."

"Ok. So you wanted this to happen?"

I wriggled awkwardly against my friend, trying to worm my way out of the situation. "I don't know, exactly. I guess I must have."

"Did it feel good?"

I nodded a little too quickly. "Yeah. It was nice."

"Did he make you cum?"

"Jesus, Fay."

I pulled out of her embrace and tried to hide my face. It felt like it was bright red, though I hoped it wasn't quite that obvious.

"So no, huh? That's ok." Fay returned to the other side of the table. "There's always next time."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know if there's going to be a next time. I don't know if he wants it, and... I don't know if I do either."

"Yes you do."

"What?"

"You do know. You just don't want to admit it to me, or even yourself, I suspect. You wouldn't be this upset over something that felt nice but you didn't really want to do again."

"That's... actually kind of a good point."

"Damn right it is."

"So then, like, what do I do?"

"Hard to say specifically without more details. In general, just act normal and do the same kinda stuff you did before. It already worked once."

I nodded like I understood, but there was still some internal conflict. If I followed Fay's advice, it'd essentially be a matter of seducing my brother into something fairly immoral. Our games weren't innocent anyway, but the pretense made it easier to rationalize. 'Oops, my pants are off and you're touching me' was different from 'I took my pants off, please touch me.'

"We should get back to school," I said.

Fay stopped me as I started to gather up our trash. "Hate to break it to you, but we're already late for our next class."

"Son of a bitch. How did that happen?"

"Your stuff was more important. And more interesting, for that matter." Fay leaned back, unconcerned. "We might as well just chill and catch the next one. Skipping one won't hurt anything."

"I hate how easy this stuff comes for you. Did I ever mention that?"

"Once or twice."

"Well... good. Just so long as you're aware."

****

I spent the rest of the school day, what little I attended, trying to figure out what I was actually going to do about Denver. The only thing I'd really decided was that I had to do something. My sanity depended on it.

Fay made it sound easy, but then making things sound easy was very much her thing. The only thing that kept me from strangling her sometimes was the knowledge that she wasn't always as confident as she acted. I'd known her long enough to know that her in panic mode and her in calm, relaxed mode looked very similar most of the time.

So part of the question became how much of Fay's advice did I take as a hundred percent accurate, and how much did I view with suspicion? It was easy enough in theory to say that I should just march up to my brother in my underwear and shove his hand down my panties. It might even work in reality. He was a boy, after all.

I didn't like putting my faith in such a hit or miss scheme. I either wanted a sure thing, or I needed to be tentative and testing. That's what had worked for me so far; things had built up slowly until Denver was rubbing my pussy and neither of us were freaking out about it. Well, not in the moment, anyway. Afterward was a different story. And, I reminded myself, that was only because I hadn't had a chance to gauge his feelings. It had nothing to do with the event itself.

By the time I got home, I was settled on a discussion with Denver at the earliest opportunity. I didn't want to avoid him, or throw my vagina in his face. There was a nice middle ground in there somewhere, and that seemed the best place to be.

The first thing I did was slip downstairs and see if my brother was in his room. I heard his very muffled voice from outside his closed door, and I assumed he must be talking to someone online; probably in a game. I almost knocked on his door, then stopped and reconsidered.

After a moment standing there like and idiot, I turned around and raced back upstairs. If I was going to talk to Denver, I needed to do it right. Just because I didn't listen to everything Fay said didn't mean I couldn't extrapolate some of her best advice to use to my advantage.

I shed my pants as soon as I got to my room, then switched my panties out for what I thought were a slightly sexier pair. I really needed some actual sexy panties. There'd never been much of a use for them before. Fay'd take me shopping for some if I asked. That was something to worry about later.

My hair needed a little fixing, and I adjusted it in the mirror. Then I decided I was as ready as I could get, and had hit just about the perfect middle ground between innocent sister, and slightly-less-innocent playful girl.

I snuck downstairs for the second time. I felt attractive enough to boost my confidence, and bold enough to simply walk in and demand my brother's attention. So that was what I did.

"Hey, Den," I said in what I hoped was a casual tone. "I wanted to... talk... to...."

Denver stared at me. I stared back. It was the briefest of moments, but felt like much longer.

"Fuckshitsorry," I blurted, then turned and slammed the door closed again.

I put my back against the closed door and slid down until my butt touched the floor. What the actual fuck had I just seen? The sounds of my brother finally coming back to life, and his barely audible swearing filtered through from inside his room as I tried to process.

Denver had been at his computer, as expected. But he hadn't been playing any kind of video game. He'd appeared mostly normal at first, until I realized he wasn't wearing anything below the waist. It was amazing that there had been a second or two before I'd noticed that. In retrospect, it felt like there'd been a big, neon sign pointing out my brother's exposed cock.

I slowly pieced it together from memory fragments that didn't quite want to line up without some effort on my part. There'd been a half-naked girl on Denver's computer screen, so that was probably who he was talking to. Their combined nudity and his erection implied a sexy chat of some kind. But he hadn't been jerking off, and he was doing something down--

"Eeeek!" I squealed in a very undignified manner as the door I was leaning against swung open and I fell back.

Denver looked down at me with an unreadable expression. He had boxers on now, at least, or the view would have been far more disconcerting for me. I could still make out his cock somewhat since his erection hadn't entirely faded away yet.

Denver jerked his head toward his bed. "Come on," he said.

"Wait, no. I didn't mean to, like, interrupt. Or whatever."

"Yeah, well, you kinda did."

"Oh. Sorry. Is your, uh... lady friend gone?"

Denver snorted. "Yeah. My 'lady friend' is gone."

I got to my feet, feeling absolutely horrible. In all my worrying, it had never occurred to me that there'd be another girl in the picture. That made things far more complicated, even if she wasn't physically present.

Denver closed the door behind us. He took a seat on his bed. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, whether to sit or stand.

"Was that your girlfriend?" I asked in a low, mumbled voice.

"Relly, sit."

I took a few hesitant steps closer, then sat on the edge of Denver's mattress, about as far from him as I could.

"I know it's not really my business," I said. "I'm just asking 'cause if she is--"

"She's not. She's just someone I... do weird shit with sometimes."

"Oh."

"Never actually met her except for online."

"So you guys just... what, like, take your clothes off on webcam?"

"Basically, yeah. I mean, we talk and stuff too. We've kinda become friends, actually."

I nodded like I understood. I scratched at an imaginary itch on my wrist, and for a moment I focused on the back of my hand like there was something fascinating about it. I just couldn't bring myself to meet my brother's eyes.

"Den?"

"Yeah?"

"When I came in... did you have a thing in your butt?"

Denver didn't say anything at first. I folded my arms and turned my head fully away from him. This was so not how this conversation was supposed to be going.

"Well, I did tell you we did weird shit," he said softly.

"Oh."

"Look, I know it's fucked. And if you're grossed out, I totally understand. But please don't judge me too much for it. It's not even something I'm that into."

My head whipped back around. "I don't think you're gross."

"You don't?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Because...." Denver's hands moved back and forth as he attempted to nonverbally explain something that he couldn't find the words for. "Shit, Relly. You caught me doing weird butt stuff, then you got all freaked out. Explain to me how you don't think it's gross."

I'd been on the verge of fleeing the room in tears, but now I was able to manage a faint smile. "Den, you doofus. I don't care what you're into. You thought I'd get upset over something like that?"

"I'm still not understanding something."

"I'm saying I don't care what you put in your own body. That's up to you."

"No, no. I get that. I mean, I want to discuss it further, but mostly I want to know what the hell you're upset about if it's got nothing to do with what you saw."

I bit my lip and turned my gaze downward. "I didn't say that had nothing to do with it."

"You're going in circles now."

"That's 'cause it's hard."

"Hard to talk about?"

"Yeah."

Denver slid closer to me on the bed. I fidgeted with my fingers. His hand landed on my shoulder, and I had a brief, insane urge just to bury my face in his shoulder and hug him until I fell asleep.

"Well you know one of my embarrassing secrets now," he said. "Does that help?"

I managed a fake chuckle. "As if that's the only one I know about."

"Fair enough. Is yours worse than any of mine?"

"That depends on your perspective, I suppose."

"So try me."

I leaned tentatively to the side. Denver didn't move, and I fell into him until he was supporting my upper body. His hand went from my shoulder to my waist on the far side. I drew comfort from the feel of him against me.

"You're the first boy who's ever touched me like that," I whispered.

"Like wha-- oh. Ooohhh."

"I know it's not really a big deal. I didn't even think I cared that much. But now you've got your sexy friend on the computer, and maybe other girls too, for all I know."

"Relly...."

"I wasn't even sure if we should be doing that stuff anymore. It's kinda bad, right? But I liked it."

"Relly, we can still do stuff. Nothing's changed."

"I don't think so. It was a little too naive of me. Of us, I guess. I'm your sister, Den. Your computer girl isn't. You should be playing with her, not me."

"Jesus, Relly. That's not... it doesn't work like that."

I tried to pull away, but Denver wouldn't let me go. That was fine, actually, since I didn't really want to leave. I just felt I should make a token effort.

"Fay's always telling me I need a boy. She's probably right." I stared across the room at nothing as I mused out loud. "I could find a boy to play with. Someone not related to me, maybe. Someone who doesn't have other stuff going on."

"So you don't like that I do stuff with another girl? Is that what this is all about?"

"Very much the opposite, if you were paying attention. I think it's great. I want you to be happy, you know."

"Fuck's sake." Denver sighed. "I'm glad I only have one little sister. I couldn't handle more of you."

I smiled wanly. "I know. I'm a drag, right?"

"You're a pain in the ass is what you are. You come in here in your panties, get upset when I was messing around with another girl, and you're telling me you're only concerned about my well-being?"

"That's not exactly--"

I stopped. Denver had taken his free hand and placed it squarely on my nearest breast. His palm and fingers gently cupped the soft, sensitive part of me.

"Not what?" he asked.

"You're touching my boob."

"I know. What were you gonna say?"

"Nevermind that. Why are you grabbing my boob?"

"You wanted me to be happy. Your boob's making me pretty happy right now."

An actually, real smile fought for control of my lips. "You fucking perv."

"You know it."

Denver switched to my other breast. He was a little more adventurous this time, and gave it a bit of a squeeze instead of merely holding it.

"Is this your plan, then? You just molest me until I stop arguing?"

"So far so good."

"Why can't you just play with your internet friend?"

"I told you, we never met in real life. I've never felt her boobs." Denver paused. "Or her pussy, for that matter."

"Den!"

"What?"

"Just... don't say it like that. You make me sound slutty."

"No I don't. I wasn't even talking about you."

"You were making implications. You were implying that you can do those things with me."

Denver arched an eyebrow and switched his hand back to my nearer breast again. "Relly, I just started grabbing your tits, and you haven't done a thing to stop me. I can't help feeling you're taking offence to entirely the wrong things."

I pushed Denver's arm away, a token protest to the way he was talking about me. He almost immediately put his hand on my bare thigh instead. I let it be.

"So maybe I shouldn't let you touch me anymore," I said.

"Yeah. Maybe."

Denver's fingers trailed across my skin in a delightfully promising way. I did my usual thing of sitting rock-still.

Of course I wasn't going to stop letting him touch me. I was too deep into whatever this was to quit now. On some level, I needed to keep playing our bizarre little game. I needed to see where it went, and perhaps more importantly, I craved the feeling of Denver taking advantage of my lack of resistance. But I still had to pretend like there were boundaries, like he couldn't just do whatever he wanted. I was kind of afraid of what it would make me if I didn't.