Off with Her Pants

"I shouldn't let you touch me," I said.

Denver shrugged. "I might argue the point."

His touch was warm and gentle, and very real. He rubbed my thigh as one might idly stroke a lover, and the connotations of such a caress weren't lost on me. It didn't necessarily mean anything beyond what we'd already done, and that much was fine. Sort of. I liked it, anyway, and it wasn't hurting anything. Not really.

"I'm your sister," I said in a low voice, offering yet another token protest.

"I believe I knew that already."

"Wasn't sure if you remembered."

Denver's hand stopped moving for a moment. "Are you telling me to stop?"

I turned my head away and shrugged, acting far more indifferent than I actually was. For a moment I toyed with the idea of deniability.. Like, somehow, what we were doing had nothing to do with me, I was just along for the ride. It felt safer that way, like I couldn't be doing anything wrong even though I was sharing in the fun.

Denver lifted his hand and put it back in his own lap. The loss hit me harder than I liked.

I stared wide-eyed and hurt at my brother. He met my gaze levelly. He silently dared me to complain.

"I didn't say to stop," I said.

"Yes, but you didn't say not to either."

"Well... you...."

"Just say it, Relly. Tell me what you want."

I clenched my fists tight against the bedspread. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because... you already think I'm slutty. I don't want to make it worse."

Denver sighed. "I absolutely don't think that. I wish you'd stop saying it."

"Yes you do. You just wouldn't say it out loud, is all."

"Seriously. Neither your actions, nor the amount of guys you're messing around with are cause for worrying about sluttiness."

I rolled my eyes. He had a point about the number of guys, though. And maybe I wasn't experienced enough in various ways to actually be much of a slut, despite recent occurrences. "Fine. So what would you call me, then?"

Denver didn't hesitate. "Beautiful."

I opened my mouth, then stopped and bit my lip. I shook my head. "You doofus. That's not what I meant."

"Well you are, though. And doing sexy things doesn't make you slutty, so it'd be nice if you'd stop saying that it does."

"Even if they're with my brother?"

"Even then."

"Prove it."

Denver tilted his head. "How would I possibly prove something like that?"

"I dunno. Think of something."

To his credit, Denver thought hard. I was more than a little regretful that I hadn't steered him back toward feeling me up somehow, and I'd backed myself into a corner of waiting for him to answer my stupid challenge.

I was in a situation where more experience would have helped. I could have gotten what I wanted without all the metaphorical dancing around and self-doubt. Fay would just laugh if I tried to tell her that I had what I wanted, then talked my way down to waiting for my boy to solve an impossible riddle. At least afterward she'd hug me and tell me what to do next time, so maybe it wouldn't be all bad.

"You can't think of anything, can you?" I asked. I needed to get Denver talking again, as well as get over myself enough to get him touching me some more.

"I had one idea," he said. "But it's kinda bad, in most respects."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"It just is."

I wriggled impatiently. "Well, try it anyway."

"Ok." Denver took a breath. "I don't make out with sluts."

My brow wrinkled, and I went over his short statement in my head. "What does that--"

Denver waited for me to start talking, then leaned in quickly and kissed me. My mouth was opened weirdly at first as a few errant syllables mumbled their way out. My face muscles relaxed semi-instinctively once I realized what was happening.

At first I was prepared for Denver to pull back and give me an impish grin, like he'd played a clever trick on me. He didn't, though. The kiss that I assumed was just to make a point turned into something like a real kiss, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

It was unclear to me whether the kiss lasted a really long time, or if it just felt that way to me. Perhaps unknown to my brother, it was my first real kiss with a boy. I didn't know what to do and wasn't prepared for it, but it seemed like I was doing ok. His dangerously soft lips pressed and flexed against mine, never once giving an indication that I was 'doing it wrong.'

I lost myself in the kiss to the extent that when it ended, I leaned toward Denver in the hope of reattaching myself to him. It was only a brief lapse, but it was noticeable, and it took me a moment to recompose myself.

"Does that help any?" Denver asked, a vaguely amused look on his face.

"Uh huh," I murmured uncertainly.

"The idea was that since I kissed you--"

"Yeah, I got it, thanks."

"So it was kind of stupid, right? Because--"

"Den."

"Yeah?"

"Do it again."

I wasn't sure that he would. He'd just been making a point, after all. It wasn't like it was really, truly, technically about the kiss itself. I was leaving myself vulnerable by requesting that he repeat the kiss. He'd know what that meant.

At least I didn't worry that he'd think badly of me for expressing my want aloud. It was never sluttiness specifically that I was worried about, but it was a convenient catch-all for various 'bad' things that might infect my brother's opinion of me. Good sisters didn't let their brothers take such liberties with their bodies, after all. Nor did they enjoy being kissed in such an un-sibling-like manner. But the way he'd done it had reassured me more than he probably expected. Sometimes stupid gestures were important.

After an interminably long, excruciating wait--which outside my head was probably in the vicinity of several seconds--Denver leaned toward me again. I was ready this time, more or less. I still didn't really know what I was doing, but I at least tilted my head properly and closed my eyes just before our lips met. That was a good start.

Being kissed by my brother felt right in a way that I couldn't really explain. Maybe that was just my inexperience, maybe it would have felt just as good with another guy. Maybe. All I knew was I liked it.

"Like that?" Denver asked softly.

"Yeah. That was nice." I couldn't help smiling a little. "Again?"

Denver gave me a curious look. "You're awfully eager all of a sudden."

I flushed. "So what?"

"I'm getting very confused about what you do and don't want, and what is and isn't ok."

"It's... complicated."

"Yeah, that was kinda my point."

I shrugged irritably, then lay back on the bed. My shirt pulled up to expose part of my tummy, and I didn't bother to fix it. "I don't know, alright? A lot of this is new to me, and I don't know what I'm ok with. Especially...."

"Especially with your brother?"

"Yeah. That."

Denver shifted position to be closer to my sprawled out form. He put his hand on my tummy, actually pushing my shirt up even higher in the process. The small but distinct weight of his palm was comforting.

"That's fair," he said. "I don't really know how to feel about everything either."

"But you keep doing stuff."

"I do." Denver nodded. "I decided I'd regret it too much if I didn't see where this goes."

The meaning of my brother's words was not immediately obvious to me. At first I thought he just meant that he was curious, or intrigued. But it had to be something more substantial than that. If he was worried about regrets when it came to me--his little sister for fuck's sake--then he had to be dealing with some of the same obsession and fixation that had plagued me lately.

"You mean that?" I asked in a shy voice.

"Well... yeah."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. "'K"

"'K? 'K what?"

"As in 'ok'."

"I know, but what...." Denver sighed. "I don't know what you mean by it."

I shrugged and kept my eyes closed. Denver's hand had slipped off my tummy slightly, but was still mostly right where it started. I focused on the warmth of it, and the physical connection to my brother it represented.

"Goddamn you're confusing sometimes," Denver said.

"You're only just now realizing that?"

"No. Just making sure you're aware."

Denver's fingers turned until they were more or less lined up with my spine. Ever so slowly, they crept up my tummy to just under my breasts. I bit my lip so hard it hurt. He was so close.

"Do you have a molestation fantasy or something?" Denver asked.

"Ew, gross, Den."

My eyes flung open, and I glared at my brother. The mood had been jarred, and I almost slapped his hand away again for being a doofus.

"Well that's all I can figure. You keep, like, being all passive and shit. Like you're pretending to ignore me."

"So what if I am? That doesn't mean you gotta make it into something gross like that."

"I wasn't trying to be gross. It just freaks me out that you might, like... change your mind. Or something."

"Jesus, Den. I don't know what I'm doing, ok? I'm trying to figure it out. I'm sorry I don't know what all the right things are."

This time I did shove his arm away. Now I just felt stupid instead of anxious and sexy. I rolled off the bed and stalked to the door. Denver was slower to get started, but he caught up with me and slammed the door closed again when I only just barely started to open it.

"Don't leave," Denver said.

"I need to go. At least for now."

Denver had me trapped between him and the door. He still held it closed with one arm, and he had to stand right behind me to be able to reach. Our bodies bumped together in a few places, and I was pretty sure one of them was his dick. Despite everything, his hardness and its implications weren't lost on me.

"Stay," he said, his voice a rough whisper in my ear.

Denver's chest pressed against my back. His free arm looped around my waist and held me in a light grip.

"I can't promise I'll do the right things," I said.

"That's fair. There probably isn't even really any right thing to do."

"'Cause of the sibling thing? You know that's not what I meant."

"I do." Denver kissed my shoulder where my shirt didn't quite cover. "Stay anyway?"

I nodded. "Just for a bit."

"Sure. Just a bit."

I ducked out of Denver's grasp and crawled back onto his bed. It was only partway through the maneuver I remembered the flimsiness of my outfit. Denver probably got a pretty good view of my panty-clad butt wiggling across his mattress.

Denver sat down next to me. I curled up on my side, with my knees pulled loosely toward my tummy.

"Now what?" I asked.

"We can just hang out."

"Oh right. 'Just hang out,' huh?"

"Why not?"

I turned my eyes away from Denver, just far enough to leave him in my peripherals. "Well, for one thing, you've still got a tent in your underwear."

Denver gave a lopsided grin. "What did you expect, exactly?"

"Nothing specific. But we can't 'just hang out' if you're hard."

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"

"I dunno. Can't you just, like, jerk off or something?"

Denver tilted his head. "In front of you?"

"Ew! No. In the bathroom, you freak."

"I'm not jerking off in the bathroom. That's weird. I'm not even sure I could."

"But...." I frowned. "Don't boys do that? Jerk off with the door locked so no one can catch them?"

"Why the hell would I do that when I can do it in my bedroom? You know, where my computer and the vast wonders of the internet are?"

"So no one accidentally walks in on you?"

"I...." Denver paused and scratched his chin. "I was gonna say that's never been an issue...."

"'Til today."

"Yeah. 'Til today."

The whole sequence of catching my brother doing his weird cam-show stuff flashed back to me. I'd been doing so well at not thinking about it.

"So no bathroom jerking, huh?"

"Not so much, no."

"Shit."

"It'll go down on its own. Eventually." Denver pulled his leg up to block his erection. "Does it really bother you that much?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"I see. You don't suppose there's any chance it only bothers you because you're afraid it might not actually bother you?"

I frowned and tried to work it out in my head. "What?"

"You know. Like... how sometimes people are homophobic because they're afraid they might be gay."

"Oh."

The question sounded silly at first. I was pretty sure I was only bothered by my brother's cock because... well, it was weird. As his sister, I shouldn't be thinking about it at all, let alone looking at it.

The longer I thought, the less sure I became of my initial position. Maybe I was worried about my own reaction. Maybe I was fine with Denver doing or feeling things because it left me free to pretend like none of it was a big deal to me. If I started looking at him the wrong way, or even touching him....

"You might have a point," I conceded grudgingly.

"Really? Neat."

"Yeah. Great." I glanced at his leg that was shielding me from his cock, or perhaps vice-versa. "So now what?"

Denver shrugged. "I guess we wait."

"For your stupid penis to behave? How long is that gonna take?"

"No idea. Probably longer with you lying there looking all... the way you do."

I smiled crookedly. "Say it," I said softly.

"Say what?"

"Whatever you were gonna say about the way I look."

Denver rolled his eyes. He remained mute at first, but I stared him down until he cracked. "Looking all sexy," he finally said. "You look good, alright?"

"In my panties?"

"Yes. In your panties."

"Boy, Den. A charmer like you, hard to believe you don't have a real girl in your life."

"Relly?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up."

I chuckled softly and rolled onto my back. I wondered idly about how visible the outlines of my breasts were in that position. My shirt felt kind of tight across them.

"Maybe you should just go ahead," I said. "I don't plan on getting any less sexy."

"With you in the room?"

"I guess. You want me to leave?"

"Whatever. It's up to you."

Despite his attempt at nonchalance, Denver appeared hesitant. He dropped his leg quickly enough, but his boxers didn't go anywhere. I pretended not to care one way or another, but I watched him fixedly from the corner of my eye.

"You gonna do it or what?" I asked.

"Fuck off. It's not that easy."

"Well maybe cut me some slack when I'm not fully confident about something then, hm?"

"Fair enough."

Denver still didn't get his cock out. For all my waffling on the issue, now that I'd mentally prepared myself the wait was excruciating.

"Ok, I'm going," I said. "This is just going to get awkward if I stay and--"

"Alright, alright."

After a deep breath, Denver stood and quickly slipped his boxers off. While not actually the first time I'd seen it, it was the first time it was on purpose and more than a brief glimpse.

"Stare a little harder, why don't you?" Denver said.

He sat on the edge of the bed, facing perpendicular to me. His erection jutted out at an angle from his lap. It intrigued me more than I cared to admit.

"If you're allowed to stare at me, I'm allowed to stare at you," I said.

"You got over your shyness pretty quick."

"Yeah, well... maybe I'm a slut after all."

"I'm not sure you really understand what that word means."

I went back to staring up at the ceiling, only watching my brother peripherally. The lack of direct observation relaxed him a little. After a moment to build up to it, Denver wrapped his hand around his cock and started stroking it.

"Wow," I blurted without fully meaning to.

Denver flushed and looked away from me, but kept his hand going. "It's just masturbating. Nothing special."

"First time I've seen it in real life. That's kinda special."

"And is it what you always dreamed it would be?"

"As shocking as this will no doubt sound, I've never actually had much interest in imagining what it would be like."

"Really? Never?"

"You're my brother, dude. Why would I?"

Denver was silent, except for the faint, hard to describe sound of his self-pleasure. I was torn between watching his face, and sneaking peeks at his lap. Something about his expression gave the impression of guilt.

"You've thought about me doing that, haven't you?" I said.

"Maybe."

"To you, or to myself?"

Again, my brother's reluctant hesitation dragged for longer than I liked. I wanted answers, damn it.

"Both," he said.

I squeezed my thighs together as a sudden thrill of naughtiness overtook me. I wasn't sure why Denver thinking about me masturbating excited me so much, but it did. And if he thought about me playing with him....

Before I had a chance to chicken out, I stretched out my arm. I had to shift a little closer to my brother to get my hand to his lap properly. I refused to actually look as my fingers bumped into his. His hand had stopped moving as soon as he realized I was reaching for him.

"Relly?"

"You've thought about it, right?" I said, trying to keep my voice level.

"Yeah, but you haven't."

"I'm thinking about it now."

"That's not the same thing."

For a moment I thought he'd refuse me. I felt simultaneously hurt and relieved at the impending rejection. Then, he let go of his cock. I either had to back down, or do what I'd implied I would. After taking a deep breath, I wrapped my fingers around my brother's fully hard penis.

"Oh fuck," Denver whispered.

I kind of agreed with him. Granted, I'm sure it felt much, much nicer for him than it did for me. It was, however, the first cock I'd ever held in my hand. I tried my best not to think about how it was Denver's. That was a mental tussle for another time.

It surprised me just how hard and soft the penis was at the same time. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was perfectly rigid, yet flexible and padded. If ever there was an object or body part made for gripping, this was it.

"That's not so bad," I said.

"Well that's... good?"

"It's kinda nice."

Denver visibly relaxed. "Yeah? Not freaking you out?"

"Pff. I can handle a penis."

Denver snorted unexpectedly. "Seems so."

It took me a moment to realize what I'd inadvertently said. "Mentally. Not... oh, shut up. You know what I meant."

"Still funny."

I squeezed harder on Denver's shaft for a second; not enough to really hurt, I assumed, but enough to chastise him a little. That was the intent, anyway. He just moaned like he liked it.

"Does that actually feel good?"

Denver looked at me quizzically. "Yeah. Why?"

"I dunno. Thought you were delicate down there."

"I mean, kinda. Balls are, for sure. Dicks are pretty good at taking beatings, though. You'd have to get a lot rougher than that."

"Huh."

I tightened my grip up again. "So that's good?"

"Mmhm."

My initial reservations were dissipating rapidly. I found that I was watching what I was doing and felt neither freaked out nor disgusted. It was actually quite fascinating to me the way Denver's cock moved and felt as I slid my hand up and down a little.

"So just like that?"

"Yeah. More, though."

"I know. I've seen it done. I gotta go pretty fast at the end, right?"

"Right."

I didn't bother picking up any speed right away. I kept toying with Denver's erect cock for a bit, purely for my own education. Eventually I gave in, as I knew I must sooner or later.

"Ok," I said. "Lie back."

Denver made a disappointed sound as I released his cock. I ignored it and set about positioning myself correctly. If I was going to really do this, I needed to be comfortable and have a good view.

My brother seemed a little uncomfortable and awkward in his reclined position. I couldn't really blame him. His erection poked straight up from his body, and was about as on display as it could get. Meanwhile, there I was peering at it like a scientist examining a new specimen.

"Don't just look," Denver said.

"Why? You shy or something?"