OK Ch. 19-22

"I only found out I'd been lied to when I got back yesterday, and I've immediately come here. Clearly a mistake. All right, fine. I'm going."

He turned and before she could say anything, he was on his way down the stairs. Before he disappeared completely, he threw a last comment.

"Tracy and I, we're not in a relationship. Never have been. She's with someone else. Someone you know. You could easily have found out she's with Dermott, but it didn't suit you did it? Cramp your style with the new boyfriend, wouldn't it? No excuse any more to whore it around! Good bye Carol. You won't be inconvenienced by me again."

With that, John turned, ran down the last steps and rapidly left the building, leaving her standing open mouthed at the door.

She leaned against the door jamb. While he was berating her she had caught a whiff of his cologne, the same one he always used to wear; the one she always told him she loved.

"Oh, God, not again!" she whispered to herself. All her feelings for him had returned with that cologne, all the loss, all the desire and her need for him, but this time things seemed truly beyond repair.

With a gaping void in the pit of her stomach she made her way back to Martin Prior, who was sitting on the sofa awaiting her return. It was their third date.

She had allowed a kiss after the last date, she had cooked him a delicious meal this evening, and he had hopes of making more progress this time: they had finished a bottle of wine together over the meal and had been in a kiss with hands wandering over each other when the doorbell interrupted them. He saw her face when she returned.

"Good God, Carol, what's happened? Who was that?"

"My ex-husband," she said dully.

"What did he want?"

"I don't want to discuss it, Martin."

He put his arm round her and pulled her to him but she was wooden and he let her go.

"Martin, I think you'd better go," she said. "He's given me a lot to think about."

"When d'you want to meet again?" he asked.

"I don't know Martin. I'll ring you or let you know at work."

He looked resigned as he stood and she went with him to the door, where she put her arms round his neck and kissed him fully on his lips. He kissed back and when they broke he smiled.

"Let me know soon," he said. "Love you!"

"I'll ring you." She assured him. Martin was a man any girl would want, she knew that, and wanted to keep her options open. Things did not seem reparable with John.

He kissed her again more briefly, and left.

She made her way back to the living room, sat down and looked around herself bleakly. Then she picked up the phone.

"Susan? I've really messed up again. Can you come over?"

—

"I was so sure that Tracy and John were an item." Carol said disconsolately after they were settled in the living room. "John said she's with Dermott. Did you know?"

"So that's who his new girlfriend is! He's had us all guessing, but Carol, everyone told you Tracy and John weren't an item. You wouldn't listen. She was house sitting for him. He got her to furnish the place for him." Susan was trying to be patient.

"Yes, I know, but they were an item in London."

"No they weren't. Friends with benefits, that's all they were. So John came here tonight?"

"Yes, and we had a row. He accused me of being a slag, falling into bed with someone else after promising him I'd wait."

"Well-"

"Yes, I know, Sue. I really thought it was over between us. He's been gone so long and never a word. I've only been out with Martin twice, tonight was the third time."

"He was going to stay the night? Third date and all?"

"Perhaps, I hadn't decided, but as soon as John had been, I sent him home."

Susan sat in silence.

"Why did John come round?" Susan asked suddenly.

"I don't know. I didn't give him a chance to say. He said he only found out about the hotel when he got back yesterday."

"Well, that explains why he's not been in touch." said Susan. "He was magnanimously standing aside for you to pair off with the fictional old flame! Carol, he's not with anyone else. He's been under a misapprehension. He's just found out he's been lied to again. Now Carol think! Why do you think he came round immediately?"

"I don't know!" she wailed.

"Carol, don't be thick. Before he left on this assignment of his, why was he coming to see you at the party? Why did he say he had gone there in his email?"

Carol thought for a moment and then looked even more depressed. "He wanted us to try again."

"So why did he come tonight? You know, so admit it!"

Carol looked up. "Oh no! I yelled at him, told him I had a visitor, and told him to get lost. Well, that finishes it."

"For crying out loud, Carol, think! He's not with anyone else. He's single Carol. It's only two hours since you sent him away. Go and see him now."

"I can't do that!" she moaned. "He said he wouldn't trouble me again."

"So go and trouble him instead! Look, have you been drinking?"

"Yes, half a bottle of wine."

"I'll drive you. Come on!"

--

John left Carol's building and phoned Tom.

"Hi, Tom, it's John."

"John! Tracy said you were arriving yesterday."

"Tom I know it's Saturday, but are you free for a pint down at the Griffin?"

"Just a minute," Tom said, and there followed a muffled conversation. "Ann says yes, but no shop talk."

"I can manage that, I've had enough of work!"

He drove the car back to the house and then walked to the pub. The air felt unusually mild for December, so he only wore a jacket. The walk would do him good and he suspected he might not be fit to drive after the pub visit.

John had a pint ready for Tom when Tom arrived with Ann. He went and got her a shandy.

"Remember, no shop talk," said Ann in a tone which brooked no refusal. "I've come along to ensure that the rule is kept."

"Am I allowed to ask him where he's been?" asked Tom with a smirk.

She nodded, trying to look stern.

"Where've you been John?" he asked with a grin.

"Philippines and South Africa," said John. "I'm really glad to be back, and I'm now on two months' leave. Great time of year!" He laughed and took a long drink. "Thank God for English Beer."

"I hear that Tracy is going out with Dermott," Ann said. "She going to carry on staying with you?"

"No," John said blandly, "She's moved out now I'm back. That was always the arrangement: she was house sitting for me."

"But I thought-"

"Yes, and I'm sure everyone else did as well. Well, you're all wrong! Tracy's a good friend and I'm delighted for her. I wondered if she'd ever settle down and now it looks likely."

"But you were-?"

"In London we were friends with benefits. Here, she was house-sitting."

"But if she's settling down with Dermott, doesn't it mean she wants to settle up here permanently?" Ann persisted.

"Yes," John said. "I'm sure that's true."

"But her job's only temporary," Ann continued.

"Ann," John said patiently, "I thought we weren't allowed shop talk? But since you brought it up, Tom will have heard rumours that I may not be returning. Tracy mentioned that, but I've not heard anything. If it's true, Tom will want to decide what to do about Sales and Marketing."

"Well, she'll be staying in post," Tom asserted. "She's perfect for the job. Very talented and a good leader."

"What would you be doing?" Ann asked, intrigued,

"Ann," Tom said, "John just told you he knew nothing about that."

"He must have ideas," she said stubbornly.

"I've just got back after four months gruelling work. I've got two months when I can forget the blasted company and relax. So I'm not even going there." John's dogged response put an end to that discussion.

"Seen Carol?" Ann asked, starting another thread.

"Yes." His reply was clipped, but she was not taking the hint.

"Ann!" Tom warned.

"Sorry!" she said. "I wondered if you'd heard what's happened while you've been away."

"Yes," John replied with a sigh of defeat, "I got a run down from Tracy. Carol is dating someone and has put me firmly behind her. If you must know, I got that from her own angry lips this evening."

That finished that conversation and the trio passed on to families and friends. At eleven Ann and Tom had to return home to relieve their babysitter who had come at very short notice, so John made his way home as a torrential and freezing shower of rain and hail began to pelt down on his uncoated body. His only protection was his sports jacket, which was no protection at all.

--

Chapter Twenty Two

By the time John had got to his road, he was drenched to the skin, and was preoccupied with feeling wet, shivering with cold and wretched when he opened the gate to his house. Then he saw that on his doorstep there crouched a figure in a coat with its hood up, arms round knees. He could see it was a woman, and then she raised her head on hearing the gate.

"Carol?" he exclaimed as he approached.

She stood and waited for him to come near. He saw how soaked she was.

"John," she said dully. "I need to see you. I've got everything wrong again."

He extracted his key from his sodden trousers, and she stood aside while he opened the front door and cancelled the alarm.

"Come in!" he said. "You're soaking wet."

"So are you," she replied.

"Comes of going to the pub in December without an overcoat. It's been so mild the last couple of days and I thought today's rain was finished for the night. Come through to the kitchen: it'll be warmer there."

They entered the kitchen.

"Take your coat off," John said, as he put the kettle to boil. "Tea or Coffee?"

"Tea please."

She took off her sodden coat and it revealed that her sweater and slacks were also soaked through.

"Look at you," he said, concerned. "Come upstairs to the bathroom. I'll find you a bathrobe and towels. We can dry your clothes in the tumble drier. Have a shower if you want, you look really cold. It'll warm you up. Tracy left some shower gel and other stuff when she went."

He gave her a bathrobe and a couple of bath towels and pointed her to the bathroom on the landing.

"Put your wet things on the landing. I'll take them down with my own when I've dried off."

So saying he left her standing and went to his room, where he stripped, towelled himself off and dressed in a tee shirt and boxer shorts, over which he donned a dressing gown. Then he collected the pile of her clothes and took them down to the tumble drier. He saw how flimsy and sexy her bra and knickers were and wondered if she had put them on to come to him, or whether they were for her new boyfriend.

He hung her coat over the drier but realised it would never dry before she needed to go home. He wondered what of his would fit her. He made the tea and waited in the kitchen for her to re-appear.

He heard the shower running and sat down to wait a while longer.

Needless to say, he wondered what she had come for, but did not try to hazard any guesses any more. He liked the feeling she was in his house and was using his shower. He had a fleeting vision-memory of her naked under the flowing water, and felt a twitch below. She had said little or nothing about her purpose, only that she had got everything wrong. Again.

The surprise of finding her huddled on the doorstep, and the discovery of her sodden condition had evaporated any vestiges of the anger and distress that he had felt on leaving her place; now he was simply curious and concerned for her.

Meanwhile Carol had gone into the bathroom. It was the first time she had seen it and she was impressed. She stripped off everything, and even though the bathroom was warm, she was still shivering. She found shampoo and shower gel, and decided to take up his offer. Naked, she put her clothes outside the bathroom door as instructed and tarried a little, but he was nowhere in evidence to see her, which disappointed her somehow.

The perfume of the gel and shampoo were not those she normally used, but she liked the gentle aroma, Tracy had taste, she thought. Then she followed it with the thought that if Tracy had had a casual thing with John, that proved her good taste as well. It didn't stop her feeling jealous.

As she washed, she laughed to herself. Who would have thought that within hours of seeing John again after so long, and the shouting match they had had at her door, she would be naked in his house! She relished the word 'naked', it felt so naughty, so sexy.

Then she sobered. What could she say to him? What might he say to her? This might be the final conclusion to their relationship. She got a flashback of their lives together and how blissfully happy she had been. How badly she wanted that life back again! What could she say to him to convince him to try again?

It was with much less optimism she towelled her hair and body. She could not delay any further, so put on the bathrobe and left the steamy bathroom, making her way down the stairs.

He looked up as she entered the kitchen. He took in her red face and her straggly damp hair, her slim calves and bare feet, and realised afresh how beautiful she was, and how appealing in her dishevelled state. He shook himself mentally.

"Let's go into the living room," he said. "Easier on your feet."

He offered her a mug of tea and led her there, where he sat in an armchair and she took the sofa. She sipped the hot liquid and smiled shyly at him.

"Thank you," she said. "I feel much better now."

"You're welcome," he said with an answering smile.

There was now a silence until she put down her mug.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you when you came earlier," she said. "I was caught by surprise and reacted badly. I was sure you were with Tracy now, and I had only just started dating Martin. It was our third date tonight, and we were just getting serious, but after you'd been..."

She hesitated, not wanting to admit what might have transpired, and then changed the subject. "I called Sue and she put me right about Tracy. She'd told me before that you two weren't an item, but I was sure you were."

"You were partly right," John interrupted. "When I thought you had found someone from your past life - and I thought that until Tracy put me right yesterday - I wondered if Tracy and I could have a future. We had been lovers in London and we get on very well together, but she was never serious about me, nor I about her; we made love as part of a comforting no strings friendship. That stopped as soon as I learned about Dermott. But I interrupted you," he said, sitting back and relaxing.

She looked relieved but there was a little jealousy there as well.

"Where was I?" she wondered. "Ah, yes. As soon as I realised you'd been under a misapprehension even as late as yesterday, as well as mine about Tracy, I sent Martin home. I felt so despondent, thinking you would have nothing more to do with me, but Sue shouted at me that I should come and explain.

"So she drove me here because I'd had wine with the meal. I saw your car, so I sent her away, thinking you were in, but you weren't."

"I went to the pub with Tom and Ann. Drowning my sorrows." He grinned at her.

She nodded, then continued. "Anyway, I sat and waited, and then it began to rain and hail. Did it ever rain! I nearly got to the point of trying to walk home, I was so cold, but I knew that I had to see you tonight. I couldn't let this go on any longer. I just longed for us to sort everything out. I've been in hell for so long, trying to get over the consequences of my own stupidity."

She stopped and looked expectantly at him, how would he answer that? It was an admission of sorts that she wanted him back.

For his part. she was so exquisitely beautiful in her eagerness to hear his response that a calmness came over him, and he had to face it, he had a deep consuming desire for her. All the turmoil and negativity melted away, he wanted her so badly.

The question in his mind was: what was the purpose of this visit of hers, and more to the point, of his visit to her earlier? It was to put right a wrong, wasn't it? To clear all the misunderstandings - didn't she just say as much? But then what? Was there more?

His silence began to unnerve her and in her worry she began to fidget. He realised he had to say something.

"It was Tracy," he said, allowing the words to come unconsidered. "She said it was about time we sorted out all the wrong information we were responding to. You do know, at that party I was coming to tell you how much I appreciated what you'd done for me with our friends, how grateful I was and that I wanted you to come back to me? As I drove there I was seeing a bright future for us together again. I was so optimistic and happy."

Her spirits soared. He'd said it. A future together again. She felt like screaming, but he was still talking.

"You can imagine the shock when I thought you had left me behind. I was too late through my own stupid anger and the vengeful way I'd set you a seemingly impossible task when you had begged to come back. All my own fault.

"Of course I blamed you at first for being fickle, then later wiser counsels prevailed and I saw it must be someone you had been in love with before me. So all I could do was to set you free to follow your heart. Then, of course, I was on my way out of the country for months."

She relished the thought of how much he loved her to think only of her happiness. He had set her free to follow her heart! She smiled lovingly at that, then sighed.

Now she felt free to confess her own feelings. "And it was all Liam's doing: his lies and nastiness," she said in response. "You know, I knew you were coming to the party, I'd asked Leo to remind you, and I longed to see you again. I was hoping against hope that you would want me again and we wouldn't be saying goodbye that night. My phone's battery was flat so I didn't get your messages until it was too late, or I'd have rushed to you."

A shadow crossed her face. "I had a really bad time when we found out it was Liam's doing. I despaired of ever getting back with you, and when Tracy took up residence, that finished it for me. I thought you had moved on. I saw you with her in the Griffin, and you looked like a couple.

"John, I've not been truly happy since Liam fed me those photo's, but it was made worse when I realised I'd thrown away an innocent man who loved me so much. I've realised I've loved you all along; I'm sure it was always there deep down. I've wanted you back so badly."

She stopped again, on edge and eager for his reply, hope in her eyes for his protestation of love. It did not come.

For indeed, while John did know then with total clarity that he wanted what she wanted, he just as vividly realised he had a problem.

"Carol, I need to tell you what I've been doing over the past months. You'll have heard some things, but I need to tell you it all."

She was puzzled. This seemed to have nothing to do with what they were saying. She had been as certain as she could be that he was moving to the resolution for which she now hoped, and now? Where was he going with this?

"I don't understand," she stammered, "I thought we were-"

"This is important," he interrupted her.

She shrugged. Was he now going to backtrack and say it was all over? Her face showed her distress.

He had to tell her, it would not wait. "No, Carol, just please listen. You need to understand something."

"There's someone else? Not Tracy, someone else?" she asked in desperation as her fear rose.

"No! There really isn't anyone else. Please! I beg you, just listen.

"The first time I went abroad was to The Netherlands. They had personnel problems and I had to sort it out. It took four weeks. No sooner had I returned home than Maurice Callaghan sent me on a hush-hush mission to the Philippines.