by rhev
more than a month between chapters? I would boo you for making me wait so long, but I dont want to wait so long again.
Thank you for continuing to thrill us with this wonderful story.I see possible story arcs developing and can't wait to see them develop.The premise is great and could support an almost endless amount of prose. I hope that you share as much as you can. Thank you for your efforts and also for the enjoyment I have received from them.
Good story. Some suggestions:
the spell of attraction is called 'glamor'
you don't need to write something like 'caramel colored skin,' just say 'caramel skin.' Your readers know what you mean.
Re: "Glamor"
There are many different effects of glamour spells in different universes, and the most common is a form of illusion - not attraction. Let him make up his own magic how he wants.
Ghesta - shush you, you'll wait and you'll like it.
Thatrob - thank you very much for the compliment, I'm currently trying to post once a week on mondays, and once this story is caught back up in chapters to 90% true, I plan on splitting my time between them.
Anon1 - Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. I know that carmel skin would make sense, but I like the way that 'caramel colored' rolls off my tongue. An extra word? yes. But I see where you're going with that so thank you for the opinion. Also don't think too much about the actual spells, unlike my other story, this is pure fiction. None of it is real. :)
Anon2 - Thank you for the defense, but I do appreciate feedback even if it's critical in nature. But you bring up a great point that i am just making it up. :D That being said, I hadn't considered the actual mechanics of Ruby's spell, maybe I should make it illusion and not mind affecting? Then again, there's really no reason to go into the mechanics of how the spell works. Mike is learning a lot, and you'll see even more in chapter nine how he practices his abilities and learns to use them in new ways..
In any regard I hope that everyone reading is enjoying as much as I'm enjoying writing them!