All Comments on 'On the Run Ch. 02'

Right now not caring for the way the story is going. Nowhere in my experience would my brothers EVER abandon me that way for a group of PURE STRANGERS no matter how "at home" they feel. THey only meet less than two days ago. At what time did they have the chance to bond?

And how old are they to be so useless and trusting of the people around them? 5? You said they were 15-16 teenagers. Kids that old have strong minds of their own, especially after losing their parents and only having their sister to rely on and draw comfort from.

I understand that you may want to write a story about just the MC but you really need to consider that the MC's family would not abandon her for strangers in a situation like this in any way shape or form. If you cannot redo your story to make the changes then I would lower the brothers ages to 4 or 5 or even remove them altogether.

I like this story as it is intriguing however:

James is an asshole with no regard for Callie other than a breedable bitch.

Callie's brothers are stupid if they think this is how their sister is actually acting despite seeing her run from the dining hall!

Please i hope that the story works itself out and that things actually get better for Callie and her brothers

Words of advice... Your story, thus far, has a good start. Keep going and develop it. If you have the itch to write, DO NOT BECOME DISCOURAGED if you are getting critical comments and aren't getting solid 5.0 chapter scores! It just doesn't work that way. Also, don't turn off the scoring and public comments. A lot of the comments will be sage advice. Unfortunately, a lot will also be anonomus rants. The most necessary tool for anyone writing for public consumption is Kevlar underware! Don't let it take the fun out of it for you. Your story, to this point, is plausable. You seem to have a good grasp of language and grammer, American, I think. The story continuity ia good. I noticed only one error; the name 'Amanda' poped up when, I think that it was supposed to be 'Riley'. One last thing; it seems that people like chapters to be around eight to ten thousand words in length. You may have to throw in a lot of fluf to keep from out running your story. Good luck. Keep going. PerryNormal

This is in desperate need of an editor. Names change at random.

I like the premise of the story and kinda where is going but James is a dick. He is not kind and compassionate as an Alpha should be. No wonder the mother left. I hope he gets his head out of his ass. Still giving you 5 stars because I like your writing. Hope you continue!

The story is interesting but I do not like Callie. She has attempted to run and abandon her brothers TWICE! And I agree with a comment another user made I have a brother as well and best believe he would have been stuck to my side like glue as I would have been to his. Either way I'm interested to see where this goes.

There was another were story where the female was forced and it ended badly.

I don't like that and James is a douche.

He isn't thinking about Callie's feeling at all, just enlarging his pack with a forced mating.

Don't like that Callie immediately abandons her brothers in part 1 then again in part 2

Don't like how the brothers are totally unconcerned about the situation or their sister in both parts

Don't like that the pack kidnapped them instead of taking the time to explain everything

Don't like that James has the nerve to be frustrated that Callie tries to escape and that she's unhappy with them

Seriously don't like how flakie Clallie's personality is written

I have a sister that I borderline hated at times (and she was even more hostile towards me).

If anyone outside attacked either one of us they would have both of us to fight.

Callie is all the family the brothers have, and they don't care about her?

She is a terrible older sister. She ran away from her brothers, not once but twice. what older sister does that? if that were my younger brothers, i'd be fighting tooth and nail for them. not going to continue reading because no matter what she is a selfish brat who doesn't care about anybody but herself obviously.

It'll all end in tears.

Kidnapped and enslaved, soon to be raped.

If she was submissive enough to accept this she wouldn't have run from the authorities when she became an orphan.

Someone or more than one will die, and it will escalate from there.

I hate non consensual anything. Generally crap stuff does not last long in stories on lit, so hope this is one. With any luck she will turn into a big bad doggie and kill the slaver who has taken her prisoner, as he is about to sell her into servitude to some drooling idiot who cannot get a girl of his own. She can then move on. Forget the brothers, they are too stupid and are meek and mild followers.

I can't wait to see what happens next. I hope she stays strong and because of her human blood is somehow able to reject the mating or something. I don't like the way he is making them stay there. I can't wait to see how she get out of it. Maybe finds her mom''s old journal or something that tells why the mom and dad ran away.

She was not abandoning them just trying to get away so she could try and get them back from the dicks that were holding them.If they were smart enough to know not to talk or trust strangers when the 1st guy talked to them then why are they so trusting now.

I can't wait to see what will happen next. I think she should find her mate.

I can't wait to read more! I keep rereading this series.

Holy fuck, from Callie's eyes, these wolves are a cult!

James seems to be really thick, not understanding Callie's point of view at all. Practically kidnapping the siblings as if they were property instead of people, and preparing for a forced mating soon, if no mating pull surfaces soon. Doesn't sound like a good alpha to me.

Not that she's explaining her point of view, either. But at this rate she will be too agitated to feel any pull for quite some time, if there is any realism in the story psychologically.

And indeed, her brothers are described as too trusting. They were struggling when taken from the diner, and at the compound they are suddenly fine with everything? Not likely for a teen family on the run.