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Click hereHe paused from moving his food from one side of the plate to the other. "So, what do you do for a living?"
She smiled. It was one of the oldest questions in the dating game. "Books."
"Excuse me?" he asked, raising a puzzled eyebrow.
"I own a bookstore. What line of work are you in?"
"Well actually, I'm a high school P.E. teacher."
What a boring, underpaid job she thought. "Hmm, sounds interesting. Something I would have never guessed. I guess it's my turn to ask a question." She sipped her wine, pondering over the multiple options, "Is this your first blind date?"
"Honestly? Yeah it is," he lowered his head, "For a while, I had left the dating game all together. But that's a long story. What about you?"
She shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, I never got much into dating myself. I've been more of a career woman. But I'd like to think I'm ready now."
Their waiter came along and set the check on the edge of the table, they both reached for it. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, why would she want to pay? Its a free meal, curtsey, tradition.
He smiled, "That's okay. I have it covered."
"But I insist that I pay for my half," she countered, "I've never let a date pay for me." It was sweet, but still annoying.
"Then I'll be your first. You can get the next one." His grin grew wider with eyes of a hungry predator.
"You seem to think there'll be a next time."
"If there isn't, then you can look back fondly on this and think of me; the one guy who was persistent in treating you well."
She restrained herself from rolling her eyes and forced a smile instead. "All right, you've convinced me. However, just this once."
"Of course, Nicole."
She looked up, scanning the restaurant. A waiter was sweeping the floor, a waitress putting up chairs. The hostess stared at the ceiling, absent-mindedly tapping an unlit cigarette against the podium. It appeared that they were the only customers left.
"Want to go before they kick us out?"
"Oh, shit. Right. Ain't no better time than the present."
She gritted her teeth, "Ain't is not a word."
"But it's in the dictionary these days."
Breathe, she thought to herself. "It is not a proper word, merely slang. Therefore, it is not in my dictionary."
* * * *
A black Honda motorcycle was the only vehicle in the parking lot other than her blue Ford Escort, twinkling under the dim street lamps. The bike was presumably his, unless he walked. A faint scent of coffee grounds hit her nose, as well as a hint of rain. She tightened her jacket about her waist as she made her way to her car. She glanced back, "It was nice meeting you, Victor."
"Nicole, wait," he jogged over to her, "Do you want a ride? The night is still young!"
"Don't you think that it's a bit soon for you to be taking me around on the back of that death trap? This is only our first date. Besides," she glanced at her watch, "it's eleven. I have to get up early to open shop."
"Work? On a Saturday? You've got to be kidding!" He took a step back, placing a hand to his hip.
"Well, not all of us are P.E. teachers, Victor. Some of us do have to work after the school days are over and the weekend begins."
He twinged in discomfort, "But the bookstore? Who needs that?"
She stared at him derisively, one eyebrow raised, her hand on the door handle.
He reached up and took her hand into his, "What I mean to saw was, why on the weekends? You should be kicking back and having fun...with me."
She gently pulled her hand away. "We'll see about that."
He whipped out a pen, fished out a scrap of paper and jotted on it. "Here this is my number, give me a call anytime."
Nicole grabbed the pen, hesitated for a moment, then scribbled her number onto his hand. He smiled with a greater confidence than necessary and leaned in to kiss her. She pushed him back, the smell of garlic dripped from his every pore. "Sorry, no kissing on the first date. That's the rules."
He paused momentarily, but didn't argue. "All right, I guess that's fair," he smirked, "Maybe next time."
She opened her door and climbed into the driver's seat, "Don't get your hopes up."
"Bye Nicole," he said, grabbing his helmet from a compartment."
"Goodbye, Victor."
She checked her rear-view mirror as she pulled away. Victor sat atop of his motorcycle--still holding that cheeky grin--waving. She waved back before driving off. He was playing right into her hands.
*
This is my first erotica. Eep. So please post detailed feedback telling me what I need to work on. Also, the sex scene will pop up and slap you in the face, so don't leave just yet.
Maybe the sex scene will slap me in the face, but part one does nothing to draw me in.
You haven't indicated who'll be dominant - or for that matter, even whether part two will involve these two characters!
Not only is there no sex, there's no tease, and no story.
And honestly, I don't even want to read stories about people who get all pedantic about the use of perfectly good words like "ain't". It certainly IS a word.
I love the story thus far. It's very detailed for your first erotica. The scenes are visceral and really grab and keep my attention. I would like to say that chapter 2 is out of the blue. Not only does the POV change from 3rd person to 1st person, but the characters also change (unless the Mistress is Nicole as well but it is never mentioned.) While I liked the chapter, it seems detached from the rest of the story. I also noticed that you sometimes jump the time frames by using a new line and an asterisk. Sometimes, this type of transition leaves me confused. In one of the chapters the formatting wasn't exactly the same and I was left bewildered at the sudden change in place.
Other than the POV, transition discrepancies, and some word omissions, the story is written well and I can't wait for more :)
Your character's are pretty well written and sound like actual people; they have amusing stand out traits which hopefully won't make them 1-dimensional and just help get them across to the reader. I do agree with you: chapters are as long or short as you want them and building is important but just don't over think things; go on your first hunch and let your mind run wild. good story so far; keep on writing!
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