All Comments on 'One More Family Vacation Ch. 02'

Oh my this one has ended far too soon - you tease.

way too short and a horrible place to stop. Keep this series going for a long time, you have so much to work with.

I liked the daddy/daughter stuff. The girl on girl stuff is OK but I'm reading this for the incest. Please make the next chapter longer.

Yes please edit it and the first chapter and repost. Editor needs to pick a narration case or narrator - one - and stick wit it consistent throughout the entire story. I suggest third person omniscient as switching between who is narrating the story interrupts the flow and really hacks it up. Also Sara or Sarah pick one spelling and stick with it. Otherwise I like the story and I'm looking forward to chapter 3, 4 and 5.

But please stick to one POV. You change with no warning and gets too hard to follow. As said before, just use 3rd person POV.

Otherwise was a good story till half way.

I love the variety...and mom hasn't even gotten there yet. This one did end a bit too soon, but you've the makings of many more chapters here. Only one minor flaw; in chapter one she was 5'7" but here she "shrunk" to 5'4". But it is very entertaining stuff, so please write more!

I can't to read more soon! I hope that you will be able to bless us with further erotic gold!

Really liked it, but I have a few suggestions.

First, maybe break the story as each day passes, as we are racing time till mom arrives, aren't we?

Second, to avoid the POV switch confusion, you add breaks, such as a dotted line.

Otherwise, really hot dialogue, not to cheesy, not too cheap, not too posh.

Given that it's been a year and a half since chapter two was published, I don't think that we'll be seeing how it turns out with Marilyn or if Mom makes it over to Greece. Too bad this was a two and done story! It had great potential.

"Over the top" is an understatement. It's very entertaining but it just doesn't make me very horny -- not suitable for self-gratification... I cant ask for my money back, though. That would be like cutting 10% off a volunteer's pay.

Doesn't matter, I'm happy with what I got!