All Comments on 'One More Family Vacation'

Writing in present tense is dumb.

But believable. Daddy and daughter are going to have a great time. Just wondering how Jill will like Mark when she finally arrives.

I always award a "5" when the story gets me off. I love the teasing, horny daughter, but on the other hand, the naked parade is a stretch. Dad has the requisite reluctance, but he obviously can't hold out for long on her onslaught. No telling what might happen when mom finally gets there and with the hotel clerk engaged in the story.

Damn HOT story !! His daughter is gorgeous, horny and playful. You know she'll get Daddy to a level that they'll begin a sexual relationship and because its Daddy; she'll do anything he wants and so will she to him. There are great opportunities and maybe his wife has a kinky side that not even hubby knows of ? His wife being an exceptionally talented woman and has great skills to read people; maybe hopes their daughter will overwhelm him and do him before she arrives ?? Anything is possible. You certainly have a few more hot chapters to write; do be too long. Thank You !!

I loved it. Please make sure chapter 2 is published ASAP. I hate to think that this is a "one and done" story.

I've already got more written. Just found a reasonable spot to break off at and put it out there for some feedback.

And I personally love the present tense because it puts me there, observing, not just reading about past events.

Personal preference, I guess.

I'll bet her Mom will be pleased at the progress in father-daughter relations and she may even take a fancy to the young marine. A family that eats together............

As far as I can tell, the father starts narrating and suddenly Sarah is narrating. Pick one.

First time posting, didn't occur to me

POV will change

It becomes pretty clear who's narrating quickly; but I can add a header name if it's confusing readers.

I hope that you continue the story, you've built it up so well so far it would be a shame to see it not continued. I think we all know how it will go, but what remains to be known is if mom finds out and how will she react?

As already stated, stick with the already established POV, nothing more off putting than a sudden change... if you are going to change to her perspective than give background on why she is acting like this and going from a tease to sucking his cock while he slept. but otherwise am enjoying.

This works better using past tense. Yes, if you are going to switch POV, you need to make it clear by using a page break of some sort. Use past tense narration for these stories, save the present tense narration for writing movie, TV, stage scripts.

But, that said, I agree with the previous commenter. I found the transition in POV jarring and the switch in tenses distracting. The central idea is a good one and definitely hot. But a little more care with how you present those ideas would boost your scores. Let's see what you do with the next installment.

Enjoyed the story. As you mentioned, it might be good to put headers for the change. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Good story so far. Looking forward to reading more.

The POV changes need to be more clearly separated and obvious otherwise very good.

Okay.

I don't see much concensus on which style is more favored.

Assuming I note the POV, do I continue with it, or switch to 3rd party narration?

If 3rd party, I'd resubmit chapter 1 corrected.

I'm too anal to just switch on the fly without going back and correcting.

CONSISTENCY!

Is the present tense really bugging readers?

I appreciate all of the input.

Thanks!!

I hate poor spelling, and bad grammar is really jarring... but I think the change of tense coiniding with the change of narrator works well.

A row of asterisks might have been nice to just highlight that there was 'break' of some kind, more significant than a new paragraph; but hey it's no big deal.

Leave it as it is - and let's have the next chapter.

Hot story, looking forward to part 2. You do need to work with an editor.

Interesting story, some jarring transitions, overall plot seems to be sort of circular without a specific end point.

Any self respecting Marine would castrate you with a broken beer bottle if you called him a soldier!!

Best story ever Have to read the next one

Oh wow. Thank you so much!

Concur to the Nth degree with hejo's comment. Mark was a Marine. You NEVER call a marine 'soldier' ! Now; you should follow up this chapter with one that has the wife coming on board and getting into plot . . . .