by JimBob44
Good story, I can match this story to FrancisMacomber's story "Unrelenting".
Borderline exhausting read with all the sublplots and tawdry flashbacks packed into the JimBob44's short but intense story. My main nitpick would be that Glen was such a unabated loser. Giving him lead character status cast a pall over the retail world with wholesale imbroglios.
Reading this author is like a trip to the gym with a despot personal trainer, in the end you're glad you did it but almost as glad it's over. I thank this writer for testing my limits. As per almost always I admired this JB44's craftsmanship & eye for fine detail. ****
I got about half way through the first page and was absolutely exhausted trying to keep all the new characters straight. New ones just kept being stacked on new ones.
Sorry. Too big of an investment for an unknown payoff.
Three gallons of water in a two gallon can. Words spilling out all over the floor. On the main level, given the patience to read it through, it works well. Honestly, I had trouble keeping the female names straight, what with all the flashbacks in Glen's sordid life. At first, Tracy seemed the central character, with Glen the threatening foil. Her little husband was a compelling idea not pursued. In the end, it was a morality play, with good prevailing over evil. Good stuff really.
LSD pretty much nailed it! I imagine that if one has read all the base stories the characters are from (very recently), this 'family tree' would actually scan as smoothly for his readers as it does for JimBob. Unfortunately, I fear that JimBob is the only person who has those characters clearly pegged in his brain.
It is one thing to write for yourself, it is another to have NO consideration for your readers! (Like moving the list of characters and their origins in the foreword, instead of as an endnote!)
I do also agree that there is a lot to keep track in this one - more it feels like in others -
Part of that is the flashbacks they switch with no clutch - they work to identify Glen as the sleaze he is and make you want to see him drop off the roof of the parking structure into the path of an 18 wheeler driven by an angry woman - but even knowing they were there I had a couple of spots where I had to back track to be sure I had not missed a paragraph or something to explain how I got over here?
It was a good concept and decent execution we do need a bit more help keeping up -
As usual,it was jumpy,it had too many characters & at times, was confusing as hell.
Yet, I gave it a 5.
'Coz, there are a lot less stories about cheating husbands.lol.
Thanx,for the change.
nice read (twice) to fully appreciate it.
don't know how you keep track of all those crossover characters from different stories but it does give them a soap opera quality, you get a feel for the families and community life.
Only read it once, not twice. I was able to follow it just fine if I took it slow enough. Very entertaining, I have always loved the Louisiana flavor your writing always highlights. Thank you for taking what some would consider a mundane moment in a Cajun life, and making a truly wonderful read. It really makes me feel like those same mundane moments in my life can be just as entertaining if I could just get someone to properly scribe them.
Even with crossover characters this was an excellent stand alone story.
And while I am well aware it is fiction - I was glad to see Tracy and Kevin together 5 years later.
Far to many characters and detailed description of the retail industry.
There was a pussyhound in there but it was a story about a shop ffs.
At least it was until I gave up on it.
1*
Well hell - Another really dark tale. Well written for sure, but not sure where I'm left at the end... 3*