One Rose

I told her that for the sake of argument we'd just say it was some girl that I was interested in that was also interested in me. Because, using her as the girl brought up a totally different issue, that of my best friend. He had a problem getting into relationships because every single one he'd been in so far, the girl had cheated on him. And, I had enough reasons not to cheat already, that I didn't need to add betraying my best friend to that list. She immediately told me there was nothing to worry about there, because there was nothing between them. They were only friends, and while the one night they'd spent together had been nice, that's all it had been, one nice night. There hadn't been any sparks, or anything from either of them that would have led to a long lasting relationship. And, they'd both agreed that sleeping together again wouldn't change that. So, I wouldn't be betraying my best friend, and there was no reason not to use her as the girl who was interested in me. Besides, she'd get more honest answers and reactions from me if I had to give my reasons to the girl I was turning down, than if I was talking about some hypothetical girl.

OK, if she wanted to make this personal, we'd make it personal. It's not like it would change my answers, since they'd apply to any girl and every girl. So, I started with the biggest reason besides what direct impact cheating would have on my marriage, and that was what impact it would have on me. I considered myself an honest person, and fucking another woman behind my wife's back was about as dishonest as you could get. She asked me if I was kidding, considering how dishonest my wife was being. If she lied about this so often and so easily, what else was she lying about? So, the last thing my wife should expect from me was that I keep being honest with her. I told her I agreed, but that this wasn't about what my wife should expect; it was about what kind of person I was. Just because she was a liar didn't mean I should give up my principles and become a liar too. I'd hate myself too much if I did something like that.

She thought about that for a minute, and said that the answer was not to lie then. If my wife asked me a direct question, I should give her a direct short answer without giving any additional information. If she asked me right now if I was fucking some girl, the answer would be no, right?  There was no reason to tell her I was planning to, was there?  Or maybe it might be a good idea to tell her anyway, by saying no but also saying you were thinking about it. That way she'd get the message that it was her behavior that was causing me to think about cheating. I wouldn't be lying to her or doing anything behind her back, because she'd already know it was coming. And, if she didn't start fixing things to stop me from thinking about cheating on her, then it would be her own fault when I did cheat.

While I didn't actually agree with her way of looking at it, I didn't argue with her about it either. I mean, it made a little sense in an offhand way, and maybe if I thought about it as little more it might make more sense. Then again, maybe I didn't argue because I was looking for a loophole myself, that wouldn't make me the bad guy, and this was as good as loophole as any. So, I moved on to the next one of my obstacles, the logistical side of cheating. Like my friend, I didn't have anywhere to take a girl for sex, and unlike him, I definitely couldn't take her to my place. She shot that one down real quick by saying that she had a place of her own. And when I looked questioningly at her, for going to my friend's house, she said it had been his idea. He'd been trying to show her how little he had to offer her, as if she'd only wanted to be with him for what he could give her. And she'd let him take her there to show him it wasn't important to her. It hadn't been important, and it wasn't why things didn't work out, if I needed to know. It was the fact that he hadn't really been interested in her to start with that had been the problem. Anyway, like she'd said, she definitely had a place we could go, so that wasn't an issue. And, in her mind, any girl who started something with a married man, without a place to take him, was more interested in the man's house than in the man himself, if I knew what she meant.

And I did know what she meant, which brought me to my last reason for not cheating. If she wasn't interested in my money or my house, what did she want from me?  I didn't want to be insulting, but it couldn't just be sex, because she could get that anywhere, from men a lot younger and better looking than me. I wouldn't accept that she had a thing for older men, because she'd gone after my friend first. And, I wouldn't accept that she just wanted a good time either, because she'd already admitted to trying to start a relationship with my friend. She looked at me, and then lowered her head before saying she knew I'd ask that even though she'd hoped I wouldn't. I was right, she did want something from me, although it wasn't the same thing she'd wanted from my friend. It was more along the lines of what she'd seen in an American movie once, something called a "fuck buddy". Except she wanted a little more than just that, maybe more along the lines of another American phrase, a "friend with benefits". When I looked totally confused, she said she wasn't sure if she could explain it right. Still, she had to try, because she didn't want me thinking she was after something more than what she really wanted.

She raised her head, took a deep breath and said she was looking for a relationship, one that might eventually lead to marriage. And, she had hoped to find that with my friend, because she enjoyed being around him. But, as soon as they made love, she realized they weren't made for each other. There was no magic for either of them, only something comfortable that would never turn into love. And, she wouldn't have minded continuing that while she looked for her true love. My friend though, hadn't even wanted to make love a second time, that's how little he'd felt that night. And had he known then what she just told me, he'd have been even colder towards her than he'd already been the first time we all drank coffee together. However,   he did still want to be her friend, he just didn't want to be her lover again. That's why he'd acted cold towards her, because he thought she still wanted a relationship with him, and he wanted her to know he didn't. And once they finally cleared that up, she did tell him about wanting the comfortable sex thing. That's when he'd started telling her about my situation, and suggested she get what she wanted from me.

Now came the hardest part, where she told me she agreed with him, and why. Because what she had to say to me might come across as insulting, and she didn't want me to feel that way. I was handsome enough and my body was good enough for her to have sex with me. But, I wasn't the type she could ever have more than just warm feelings for. Still, if I didn't mind giving her the comfortable sex she wanted while she was looking for love, she wouldn't mind helping me fix my own love life. That's what she'd meant by the "fuck buddy" part, where we'd have sex with each other maybe once a week. However, she also hoped I wouldn't mind cuddling a little too, and maybe talking a little, so she wouldn't feel like the whore she'd feel like if it was only sex. That was the "friends with benefits" part, where we'd be just friends who happened to fuck every now and then. She didn't expect an answer right away of course, because it was a lot to think about. Still, she hoped I would think about it over the next couple of days. And, she wanted me to know that she'd keep trying to help no matter what I decided, because she liked me and wanted to be my friend, with or without benefits.

We quit talking about that subject after that, because exercise time was over, and it was coffee time. I mean, talking about it in low voices on the treadmill was one thing, talking about it in front of my friend was another. Birgul did do one thing though that sort of showed that she was telling the truth about her and my friend. That was to sit next to me rather than him at the coffee place, and to lean against me often enough that he knew she was interested in me. And, he also added his side of it on our walk to his house after we left her. He told me she was more my type than his, since she had small tits and a small ass, and I knew he preferred women with big tits. And, he made it clear that it was way past time that I started getting some on the side to make up for the bitch not giving me any at home. Still, neither one of them,   her offer and his approval, was enough to override my objections to cheating on my wife. And, while I did think about her a lot the next two days, I had to tell her on Friday that as much as I'd like to, I just couldn't cheat on my wife.

True to her word, she accepted my decision, although she was naturally a little disappointed by it. And also true to her word, she said she would keep helping me with my problem. She did however tell me it would have been easier had I actually decided to cheat, because as she'd said before, the answer was in acting as if I had decided that. That meant changing my behavior in ways that would make my wife think something was going on. The biggest one was to suddenly start being more cheerful about everything while at the same time paying less attention to my wife. You know, complain less than I usually did, and spend more time playing with the kids, that kind of stuff. Even being more helpful around the house might help, since it could be interpreted as being a guilty conscience. And, because she knew we didn't take showers at the gym, that might be a good thing to start doing. Especially if I packed an extra set of clothes for after the shower. I should start the cheerful stuff this weekend and the showers on Monday. I should get really cheerful Thursday night, so she'd think something was going to happen Friday. And, I should remember to answer her questions in ways that gave the impression I might be planning to cheat, and that it was her fault if I did.

Her advice made sense, and I decided I had nothing to lose by doing my best to follow it. Just thinking that it might actually work made it fairly easy to be more cheerful. And playing with my kids more is something I should have done anyway, instead of trying to run away from my problems by burying myself in computer games. I even did some of the things my wife usually bitches that I don't do unless she bitches, like moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and helping clear the table. But, if she even noticed any of that, she didn't react, not even to say thank you for the help I gave her. And that made it easier to be a little colder towards her because she didn't appreciate any of the things I did do for her. And, when Monday rolled around, I had no qualms about putting extra clothes and a large towel in my gym bag for my shower.

When I got to the gym, Birgul asked if there'd been any changes in my wife's behavior and I told her none. She told me not to worry because these things took time, and I just had to keep it up. Then she asked a few questions about specific things I was doing to make my wife suspect me. And after telling her about them, I asked how her weekend went. She just sighed and said not as well as she'd hoped, because she hadn't found anyone she was even remotely interested in. So, and I knew what she was doing when she said it, she'd slept alone all weekend with only her fingers to keep her happy. I quickly changed the subject to safer topics, and we spent the rest of our exercise time in harmless conversation. At the coffee place though, she sat even closer, because she said I smelled so good after my shower. And at one point she rested her hand on my leg while talking to us, and it pretty much stayed there until we left. As did the bulge her hand caused, which she looked at with a smile more than once.

There wasn't much change at home the next two days, although my wife had commented about my change of clothes. I just told her I'd decided to start showering at the gym, because I was sweating more and didn't want the people in the coffee place to be offended. Speaking of the coffee place, Birgul turned things up a notch on Wednesday when we left the gym. That's because instead of waiting for the conversation to give her an excuse to do it, her hand was on my leg as soon as we sat down. And, unlike Monday when her hand had been relatively still, this time it was moving in small circles as we talked. It even "accidentally" grazed my swollen cock more than a few times, stopping just short of actually rubbing it. On top of that, she was leaning against me more often and for longer, and in such a way that I couldn't help but look down the front of her shirt. Before the night was over, I was so turned on that my arm was around her for the last 10 minutes. And when she whispered "Friday" in my ear as she gave me the Turkish cheek pecks, I answered with a whispered yes.

That didn't mean my mind was made up, because that was far from being the case. As soon as the swelling in my cock started to decrease, so did my resolve to have sex with Birgul. Not my desire though, that still stayed high, and I spent the next two days arguing with myself. On the one hand, I agreed with her and my friend that my wife no longer had a right to expect me to remain faithful to her. On the other hand, once I crossed that line, I would lose the moral high ground that had sustained me for so long. Had we met for our coffee before we exercised, I would already have fallen, because even now I couldn't get the feel of her touch out of my mind. Yet, at the same time I knew that it would be something I'd probably regret later. The war between my emotions and my honor, made my behavior during that time totally erratic. And it was my actions during one of the emotional upswings that finally brought what was going on out into the open.

One of the things I'd never done until I married my wife was to shave my pubic area. I'd been aware that both men and women shaved under their arms and down there as part of their Muslim religious beliefs. I'd never done it because I didn't have those beliefs, but my wife had talked me into doing it for her because my pubic hair bothered her. However, I hadn't shaved myself in over 6 months, because we hadn't had a sex life to shave for. So, when my wife heard my electric trimmer running right before I took my shower Thursday night,   she wanted to know who I was shaving for. I gave her the line that Birgul and I had discussed, the one where I asked what possible reason I'd have to ever cheat on her. And the look on her face said she had gotten the message and was afraid because she knew I had plenty of reasons. Her reaction also put an end to the war going on inside me, although it didn't happen until the next day. Had I been able to drop that bomb on my wife earlier, I'd have probably made that yes I'd given Birgul mean what she thought it meant. Now though, I knew that there'd be some kind of reckoning over the weekend, once my wife thought about it for a day or two. And I'd need to be able to look her in the eyes without any guilt, so there was no way I could go through with it.

When I got to the gym, Birgul was waiting outside as I figured she might be. And while her smile dimmed a little when she saw the look on my face, it didn't fall all the way. She said that she sort of expected me to get cold feet because I had given in a little quickly for someone who'd put up with what I had. However, she did make it clear that if I got her hopes up again, then backed out a second time, she'd have to hurt me. She did say she understood, after I explained why when we were on the treadmill. And, she told me she'd even forgive me, under one condition, that I not wait until the end of the night to put my arm around her this time. If she couldn't have the sex, she at least wanted the cuddling, and that would have to be enough. She still made me pay a penalty, even if she forgave me. Because not only was her hand in almost constant contact with my cock, but every now and then she'd also whisper something dirty in my ear. Like how much she'd been looking forward to me cumming in her mouth and how disappointed she was that she hadn't gotten to taste my sperm. Or how she'd go crazy all weekend wondering how my cock would have felt in her asshole. And, at the end of the night, she laughingly  said she hoped I suffered as much thinking about what we hadn't done as she would.

The reckoning I expected started right on time, as soon as I walked through the door. She told me she knew I hadn't gone to the gym, I'd been out fucking some slut instead, and she wanted to know her name. And, I was glad I still had that moral high ground or else I wouldn't have been able to look her in the eyes when I answered. In a calm and a little bit tired voice, I told her to stuff her accusations up her ass because it was easy to prove where I'd been. Every time I went to the gym, I swiped my card, and their system would show what days I'd gone there. They were closed now, so she'd have to wait and call them in the morning. The coffee place though, she could call right now, if she got the number from the internet, and they'd tell her I just left there. It was easy to prove I hadn't been cheating on her; all it took was a couple of phone calls. But, if she was going to accuse me anyway, maybe it was time I did start cheating. God knew I had more than enough reasons to cheat on her, and if I was going to get accused of it all the time, I might as well just do it.

If you think my wife apologized or backed down in any way, you don't know her. Normally she's a very loving woman, except for the sex part, and we have no problems. When she gets on a jealousy kick though, she goes on the attack until she's sure I'd never even think about another woman. It doesn't matter that what she says is wrong, or that we'll end up not talking for a few days. Until she tries to apologize by giving me make up sex, the only kind she gives anymore, that is. She just keeps pounding away with different types of accusations until she thinks she's found something I am guilty of. So it was no surprise when switched to telling me the only reason I didn't cheat was because no girl had offered to yet. Because if one had, I would have cheated already like every other man. Yes, we'd had this part of the fight before too, because her father had cheated on her mother so much she thought all men were just like him. And it was always where I'd say I had plenty of offers, but I always turned them down because I wasn't like her father and I could never cheat on her.

This time though I changed things up on her completely, by telling her the truth, although I knew she'd think it was a lie. I told her she was making me wish I hadn't turned down the last offer I had gotten. Then I could have been making love to someone who actually wanted to fuck me for once, instead of listening to this bullshit. When she asked why I hadn't then, figuring I'd say it was because I loved her and prove I was lying, I told her I was asking myself the same question. If her mother had pulled half the shit she did, it was no wonder her father had started cheating. I was just being an idiot for turning down a young beautiful girl when I wasn't getting anything at all at home. So, the next time that girl offered herself to me; I might just accept that offer. And what do you know, for the first time, my wife didn't have anything else to say. She just ran off to the bedroom, obviously playing the crying card. And I gave her another little surprise, by not running after her like she expected me to.