All Comments on 'One Rule for the Rich, A Sequel'

I will read it again in a couple of days before voting. Very different, that's for sure! Thanks for sharing your writings with us!

all rules are made to be broken or destroyed, TK U MLJ LV NV

You know as a six page sequel to a flash tale you gave this a lot of thought and consideration. Very glad for the happy ending as all involved deserved it. Keep finding this random tales and finish them the right way. I'll keep reading.

Five Stars

. . . to being an Action Hero in this one.

Foreboding and tragic yet through the murk an hero persists. Immeasurable wealth corrupts immeasurably and all that. I enjoyed your counterpoint: pastoral escape was just as painful (no Emersonian retreat available here.) The narration was a bit standoffish for me (took a bullet for my future bride, had to go to the hospital, bit of a bother you know, old chap.) good story though and the voice is consistent. The world and fiction are better off for having self-effacing heroes. Good job.

That was fun. Definitely a departure. Kinda felt like a DTIverson saga. Good to see your story. Two points for the Red White and Blue. Thanks *****

I couldn’t even finish it (but I did skip to the last page after reading to the end of page 2, and I see it had some sort of happy ending).

I went and read the original story that set the guy up (I can’t even remember his name) as a wet dishcloth that played a bit of golf, and that set his wife up as a narcissistic, vacuous two-dimensional being that I think was female. I’m not sure why you bothered to continue what was a very mediocre story, but you did.

I like your stories, but this one did absolutely nothing for me. I didn’t feel like I knew the husband (still can’t even remember his name), and unlike most cheating wife stories, I sure didn’t feel any compunction to share his pain. Clare obviously thought of him as a bug that could be squashed underfoot, and I couldn’t relate to him (what was his name again?) because that’s exactly how he acted. In fact, the more I read the more I thought the guy (I remember now, I think his name was Bumblefuck Lobotomised) should be in a home for the retarded with a bucket strapped to his chest to collect the drool dribbling from his chin.

Christ, just move on and forget the bitch and thank your good Lord each day for delivering you from a future of infidelity, pain and extreme stupidity.

And there were problems in the writing as well. For example, after moving to Bumfuck, Maine, he receives a package from the Russian guy. How the hell did someone from Europe know what his address was so soon after moving there? There were other small illogical things, and I noticed them but didn’t bother to list them, but they all added up to me asking WTF? on more than one occasion.

Sorry Jedd, really, I am. Perhaps I’m just on a downer at present and I may re-visit the story later, but it just didn’t capture me. I’m not one to mark a story down because of my failure to appreciate it, so I’ll refrain from scoring this time.

So if David was such a gimpy weirdo, why did the wife leave the husband for him? Purely for the money? She bought the set of golf clubs, but then after that there was no more mention of money, but she kept seeing David... Why?

Also, I wasn't completely clear about the kid... apparently Conall was the father and the boy had leukemia or something?

Why didn't Clare mention anything about the son when she arrived at Conall's parents for the divorce papers? Particularly if the boy was sick and Conall was capable of saving him...

Personally, l think you did very well with the sequel. Good plot, entertaining:). I noticed you gave the storyline a few lose ends, so l hope to see a follow up to there adventure soon 👍

Thanks again.../NA

These two go together like Bee and Honey,the story is fictional but has reality all over it ,do woman leave husbands for money ?sure thing ,not so much just for sex but combined with money it's a powerful afrodisiac,it's a part of most women caracter,mind you i said most meaning not all of them

Back to the story i kinda knew fom when AJI was put into the picture that there would be a marriage of three,the kid being a surprise

The Brea caracter is not really clear to me ,what side is she on ?

David seems to be some kind of pervert who enjoys humiliating people and thanks to his money he can just do that

Clare or should i say Clara is somewhat a submissive ,her caracter and the real reason for her divorcing her husband was never really told,some of her behaviour would indicate she is just some whore but i doubt that is Carvohi's intention,IMHO i think she was enjoying the lifestyle of the rich and famous untill she had the kid wich forced her back to some kind of reality,the timeline just doesn't seem right here because the way she acted even when she allready had her baby,

Carvohi you created a good but very confusing story where nothing is as it seems or is to much left to the imagination of the reader ?

that was bad story good god man u come back with that crap i wanted everyone in that story to get shot and die except maybe that Muslim girl

Jedd Clampett wrote the whole thing... and only Granny understands it??????

Conall Stewart. International Charity Fundraiser Man of Mystery. On their way back to Pennsylvania after besting the creepy billionaire, defeating the terrorists, rescuing his enslaved wife and her dying child and winning the heart of the beautiful, deadly and exotic beauty ( who really just want to be a suburban housewife) he masterminds the theft of the Crown Jewels to fund the secret research of the scientist who saves the earth from the invading Martians at the last minute.

I did find your gratuitous suck up to the torturers and sadists at the CIA to be more than a little offensive.

Cheers!

Oh. And can we assume the plug for the golf clubs were product placement?

It is good that you are writing again.

I don't know how good/poor it is, that you wrote a continuation of an ugly scenario, it wasn't even a flash story.

Hope to see one of your own dramatic, well crafted, very emotional, story soon🤔.

Thank you.

AMerryman

There's an easier way to search. Highlight the title and right click, click on "search." You'll probably have to search again adding literotica after the title.

Wow. 5*****

Stirred some complex feelings and I'm still a little confused about the kid but 5* for a crazy ride.

Hated the story. Hate you. Please die in a fire.

AMerryman

He didn't have any obligation to save her before he found out about his son, she went into it all with open eyes. Only a scumbag would act the way "David" had been acting concerning money and other men's wives. She was described as not being stupid. She must have known what he was and what she was getting further into, again if not for the boy she should have had to fight to get herself out. Speaking of which, why do I get the feeling the kid was kept sick on purpose?

Overall I'd say it was a 3 star sequel to a 2 star story, then again it was a flash story.

Gave up on page two, when it became clear that this was going to be the kind of a celebration of untreated mental illness that the inpatients generally turn to MM for.

Full disclosure: I gave up on the 2nd page.

Problem here was she coldly cheated on him for a few hundred bucks yet he still loves her? There’s zero background about why she’s this oh so special woman he loves so deeply. And her response is to screw another guy for golf clubs? And then she says it’s okay cause he was a poor lover? She didn’t know that beforehand though, right? The rest of the story was just filler.

Horrible effort from an otherwise great author. We’re all allowed our bad days.

I can comprehend a story about a wimp husband who still loves a cheating wife so much that he'd try to break her away from an unhealthy relationship years later.

I can get a story in which a guy who recovers from his wife leaving him and finds a beautiful but traumatized woman that he builds a deep trusting relationship with.

I don't get them both being in the same story.

People are way too serious in this genre. The story was way over the top, and that was part of the reason it was great! The MC wasn't a wimp, the ex made some terrible decisions and it cost them both. The action got a little slow when he went back to England, but otherwise it was fun like watching a movie. He was no Jason Bourne, but was still a fun ride. Lighten up people, it's just a story.

Thanks for sharing Jedd,

Rnebular

The author did a great job and the characters were wonderful.

A little Todd172 action going there (that's a compliment, son). I thought it was a fun romp with some interesting characters and a story line I enjoyed. Lot's of room for us readers to fill out the future as we see fit. Thanks.

Excellent writing. Loved the story. Would love to read the final chapter/epilogue on these characters.

Spyauth

I used control c (cut) after I highlighted badidea211 then went to member search and in the member box I used control v (paste) and hit enter, in popped right up.

Jedd, will you become the next FTDS? They had a habit of taking stories, short or long that didn't have an ending or closer and made them better. My only complaint is I feel you still didn't finish this one.

Did the transplant work?

Did Clare/Clara join Aji and Conall in Maine?

Did Conall and Aji have kids?

You said you would answer questions, well there is four?

ps: I enjoyed the story a lot.

Nothing seemed to fit. 1. He knew she was a cheating whore. He didn't know "David" was sterile. He didn't know the child was his. Hell, he didn't know the child even existed. No man, sane or not, would have even bothered trying to "save" her. Just nothing logical here.

One of the legends, I believe, but this isn't your best work. It's better than anything since Iverson's story last month, but there hasn't been much worth reading. It seems like all the great writers are holding off for some reason and we just get the scrubs, these days. Thanks for breaking the drought. RPL

Quite different in location from most of your work. The story reminded of some of Maughm's short stories. The intersection between amoral rich, a wife willing to sell herself and be seduced toward her long term destruction and a man unwilling to cut his losses. In the end, like many women, she was disposable to the Russian.

Given the never ending supply of very attractive girls from Eastern Europe, the wife must have been quite spectacular to have gotten the Russian.

The main incongruity is the Chechen, who in real life would be far more likely to be a product of her enviornment and a radical than one escaping to decadent Europe. More outlandish is the whole thing with her brother.

But that's what makes a story.

Thanks again, have read and enjoyed all your work.

This one was even better than usual, and compared to all but three or four other stories, the best in a month.

Another Tiger

As usual you nailed it. I enjoy your stories very much. Thanks for sharing

That was miles better than what has been posted much of late. Your writing is better than at least 90% of what is posted here, probably higher.

However, I will quibble a bit with the pacing, the errors in spelling, the extra words here and there. I just got an overall sense that you rushed this a bit. The collection of words never moved me much emotionally, it was like I said, you didnt get time to polish this off with your typical prose.

There were some logic issues, as in why the wife originally wanted to spend time with the worm David, instead of her husband? Was he blackmailing her from the beginning? Her and the child (infected with HIV?) held hostage from the get go? Why wouldnt she run to her husband, instead filing for divorce?

any comments on this story from me, would be mostly irrelevant.

Really, just wanted to say, thanks for writing again.

I have come here to the LW pages everyday, but haven't been able to read a single story here, until today. I admit it, it your past work that made me want to slug through all of the 6 pages (plus the original entry beforehand), and I appreciated your efforts here to leave your comfort zone with this one. I mean it though, there just hasn't been anything even approaching quality posted here in awhile. Not until today, that is, plus a vandy flash as a bonus!

Thank You Very Much, Jedd!

And worthy of a 5*

ended too soon. the russian and the brother should both die in this, they are evil men.

I read the original and was not impressed. However your continuation really knocked it out of the park. *****

There is so much in this story that makes me go WTF, that eventually I just had to sit back and enjoy the ride and not worry about the small stuff. The author obviously enjoyed writing this story and putting it together and it shows. Ending seemed rather thrown together but all-in-all a very good effort.

One question, why change the wife's/ex-wife's name from Clara to Clare?

5 stars

Story was a little far out,but your writing skills and ablitily to create these characters keep it real. The story was so much fantasy and never would happen in this real world though.

I had issues with this story the main one being him going through all that trouble to save her-- why?????...When she first slept with David she was nonchalant and actually saw nothing wrong with it. So we know she's a cheating whore. My other issues was with the loser husband, the writer tried to make him seem tough but he just screamed PUSSY throughout the entire story. Ehh, I didn't like the story & It was also pretty boring. The emotions just wasn't there for me. He should've been pissed she supposedly had his child, kept the fact that she was pregnant, kept the fact his son was severely sick--possibly DYING and had his alleged son living in, what I can only describe as a whore house with an evil man... Where the hell was the anger? It was 6 pages of him crying like a little bitch boo hoo come home Clare I love you...just fucking disgusting.. 😷😷💩.. Kept waiting for him to moved on, kept hoping the story would get better but it was just a hell no for me sir.

Pure shit, considering your usual fine work, I wouldn't wipe my ass with this one.

... city of Detroit, arrogant scum! You and your tiny dick should drag up, get the phuq outta the Motor City, illiterate fertilizer sack...... go back down south, find a place to lay down and lick your balls, square mammy jammer!

Nice job, Carvohi... not for everybody, but it has its moments... thank you for all your hard work!

Loved it. Full marks

Have you been working out? This is, far and away, your best work yet. Characters, plot, pacing, genuine emotion, all present in abundance. To the critic who found it unbelievable, I have two words: Star Wars. Psst! It’s a story (that means it was made up). Please write more of this caliber. You owe it to yourself (and your readers, by which I mean me). Thanks.

It was a very interesting read. Inventive too. I have to say I was amused at the thought of an honest stockbroker that you wrote about, but who knows, there may be one. Thanks for the story.

jtaylor

One comment noted the similarity to Somerset Maughm - good comparison. I liked the twists and turns. I assume Clare has AIDS but who knows.

And it involves dealing with sunk costs. If I faced a Clare, who was happy to be the bend over bitch for David, well, I can't live her life and I will let her be the bend over bitch if she wants to.

No good money after bad.

That being said, not everyone has my sense of masculinity. But mine is predicated on women a) having agency and b) facing the consequences of having agency.

Agency is not a buffet. The girls need to take the good with the bad. And if they want to be a slut puppet for ex Soviet gangsters, well, darling honey sweetie pie...enjoy the donkey shows you will soon be starring in. You need to own your choices.

Chivalry is dead, and chicks killed it.

This comes across as cynical but Clare deClared herself a stranger. Family still gets chivalry. Self declared strangers, not so much.

That being said, not sure I bought the Muslim Girl love story...but again, I tend to be cynical.

And I shouldn't be commenting on any of this so look into the light and forget I made any comments at all.

He and her parents blame HIM? He didn't pimp her out, she whored herself out, ignored his wishes, then when he couldn't stand it anymore and left, she divorced him. She could presumably leave David and come back to Conall, but chose not to.

Why did Aji give him such grief when he tried to get to Clare? She knew the deal was to help him TRY to get Clare back.

If the kid is his, she got pregnant before he left. Several months later, when she saw him at his parents she wasn't pregnant, so had already given birth, and doesn't tell him he has a son?!

A few details of history, current events and money laundering really makes the story feel far more than a JPB same old, same old of cutting credit cards and changing accounts.

So I have no issues with the writing or the plotting. It is merely a Suspension of Disbelief problem which is MY problem, not that of the author, whom I respect highly.

Thanks for the story . Maybe your best work. 5 Stars

J, — I don't know the last time you bought a firearm in the U.S. But it isn't the 'like buying an ice cream sunday' that you described.... On the whole a good story!

You fill out the 4473, watch it get entered into NICS, wait for the result, slap your cash down, away you go with your gun, and then you get to clear the 20 robo-dialed recordings of Wayne LaPierre ranting like a mad man from your voice mail service because they sell your info to the NRA, the effen cunts.

I did chuckle at the quip about our intelligence services, the same people that wanted to arm ISIL are suddenly a highly effective plot device... ok.

What a total let down. After a week with the LW category filled with the usual tripe, I was really looking forward to a story from one of my favourite authors. But then you give us this... :(

The original ended with the main character finding out his wife is a whore. Unfinished for me, readers are left to wonder if he will man up or wimp out.

You obviously decided to go the wimp out route. The guy becomes a wimpy idiot that washes the whore, gets dirty seconds, sees her continue to sell her ass every week, and doesn't take an attitude until his cowardly wimpyness makes him lose his job. Then, he goes back home to america, we find out he is a liberal studies master (could it be more emasculated wimp than that?), that will only even divorce the slut when she forces him to. He is continuously humiliated by the slut and her pimp, and plans to get her back with a bookstore and a crappy book of semi-plagiarised poems? Then he goes back to Europe to ask his ex-boss, another whore for the pimp that bought his ex, to help him? And suddenly you have some Muslim female ninja drop out of nowhere to marry and help him? And he sells himself, takes the money and car from the whore ex-boss in exchange for marrying this virgin ninja? When the only consistent thing his character still had was his refusal to sell himself the same way his ex had sold herself?

And then, in half a dozen sentences at a coffeehouse, the ninja dismantles all his wimpish crap, but claims he "just dripped masculinity" and scared one man? This is not the same character you built as a retarded wimp in the first two pages.

Inconsistencies, a completely unlovable wimp/macho main character, surrounded by cardboard characters. Pap that resumed sounds like satire of all the worst LW cliches, but is written seriously. If it was satire, it could be great. As is, it is your worst story, unfortunately.

Why is he constantly trying to win back somebody who doesn't give a shit while he's alive or dead? Every other sentence out of this guy's mouth is how much he loves his ex-wife who appears to be doing everything except being with him.

What really kill the story besides the inept writing the boring pot and the fact that the main character has the same spine of that of chocolate eclair... Are the ridiculous plot holes.

Everytime the ex-husband moves around to another portion of a country the Russian somehow manages to find out where he's living and harassing bison pictures and DVDs.

I have read plenty of stories on this site where the protagonist, after the betrayal goes into a funk for a while and then comes out swinging. Yes I believe a Liberal Arts student could be considered a weak type person but Conall had shown a backbone in this story when he first met Clare/Clara.

Conall saw the challenge the way David put it forth as a money challenge and until he came back to life himself he couldn't amass the funds to fight him. His need from Brea was to be able to get close to David and Clare/Clara.

Never did he say he wanted her back for himself. He felt bad for having let what happened happen. He wanted to get her back for her parents and then later to help his child.

For everyone that is down on Clare/Clara, the twist was she was striking back at David by getting pregnant by Conall and David having to support it. David choose to use the boy as a hostage instead knowing it was Conall's.

That was my take. Just a great mystery story.

How could David use the cost of the boy's medication as a hold on the whore.

They were living in a country outside the US, the medication would be covered by universal health care.

Health care like Obama tried to introduce in the US.

Good story thanks for writing it.

Didn't like this one much winging little man , his wife loves the money and lifestyle , walks round Europe as a sperm bank , all he can think of is saying how much he lovs her and I want her back no matter what . Why he at first party let Russian guy buy his boxers then he could of suck his cum down job done ,

... but who the fuck cares. Dark.

Me likēē

I guess I do have some problems with the story.

1.) In Pennsylvania. The disdain of his old “friends” I got right away. But the disdain of his family didn’t kick in until most of a page. The little play about the brother selling him a cheap ass car should have been earlier.

2.) He ended up in Pennsylvania sounding almost dirt poor. Did he not have some money stashed away? I mean not just a few thousand dollars, but more in the line of a few tens of thousands. He was “making bank”, as far a someone in the middle or working class, so you’d figure he’d have something put away. Hell, in the circles he ran he’d have had to have expensive watches and men’s jewelry and clothes to fit in. He could easily sell his watches and jewelry (and Clare’s jewelry too). Yet he ends up back in Penn with no car, then buys a junker for $4000?

3.) In line with the previous point, did he not “drain” his bank account? Or was he so upset he left everything, hoping Clare would come to her senses and come home, with a ready “home” to drop into? Or did he pack everything up, and/or sell it? Or did David have Clare drain the bank account? Leaving him “destitute” except his clothes and their jewery? Or did David have Clare sneak in while he was out and take everything of value in their home? Just to piss him off?

4.) Why the hell would David even read that book of poetry? Or was he deeper than I thought him to be?

Hmmm... I guess that’s it.

Cloak and dagger, good guys win, hero gets the right girl, cheating wife learns the meaning of living well is the best revenge! And we know the kid will live a long and happy life. Bravo Carvohi, thanks for the great read!

Thanks for keeping the Quality up. Hot Damn Sonny!

It was a bone marrow transplant. And the best people to match were the boy’s parents, and/or (nonexistent in this case) sibblings.

Leukemia was mentioned, and at the end “two transplants”. Why not the mother? She was drugged up a lot, and had lots of unprotected sex so probably had some nasty viral STD. Remember, viral STDs are non curable, unlike bacterial STDs. So passing on hepatitis or herpes to a person that just had their immune system destroyed so they wouldn’t reject a transplant is not a good idea. Or, oftimes there are genetic reasons a very close relative cannot give/take a transplant.

Also, David was a multi-millionaire several times over. HE could have paid for the medical coverage of the boy out of pocket change. So he obviously was keeping the boy sick on purpose, probably to control Clare, and to rub the boys “sickness” into Conall’s face. To get treatment all they had to do was tell Conall he had a son, he was, sick, and he needed a bone marrow transplant. They KNEW Conall, obviously. Where he lived. His Jobs. Etc. They knew his heroes complex. Once DNA checks were made about the boy paternity, Conall would have paddled across the Atlantic in a canoe if he had to, to get the boy medical treatment. Instead they kept the boy mostly “secret”, letting Conall think it was someone else’s child. It was just David’s little way of fucking Conall over even more.

Plus, f.#*@ you about Obama Care. You don’t know ANYONE that was screwed over by the private insurance companies? You don’t know ANYONE that went into bankruptcy after a medical crisis because the insurance were fucking around with payments? You don’t know ANYONE that is living from paycheck to paycheck, and are one minor medical emergency (like a broken leg including $5000 ambulance transport) from having to declare bankruptcy if they don’t/didn’t have the wherewithal for medical insurance? You don’t know ANYONE that had a “pre-insured” medical condition (like, get this, pregnancy) denied care for that particular problem? Or worse yet, something like MS or other genetic disorder that doesn’t show up for years, then being denied coverage when it finally shows up because it was “pre-existing”? Well then you better thank God, and count yourself, and people you know lucky. I worked in a county hospital for a few years years ago. The number of people coming in with NO medical insurace, except what they could get from Medicare (a government “insurance” agency), was staggering.

Yeah, Obama Care has a lot of faults, but most states and Congress by itself weren’t getting the job done. They kept promising and promising for the last 3 decades, but when the insurance companies secretly (or now overtly) line the politicians pockets with, quite literally, tens of thousands of dollars (and in total tens millions of dollars per year) who the hell do you think they listen to?

Honestly, I don’t like Obama care. It was a half-assed attempt at universal coverage. Original was totally scrapped, and insurance companies “ideas” incorporated into new bill. You think the companies were thinking about the people when they “suggested” ideas?

Plus, you better study up on the different “universal medical” coverage in different countries in Europe have. Some of them are really quite good. But the ones in some are quite “suckie”, and there is plenty of room for “private” medical practice, or additional “private medical insurance”.

You are correct. Obama wanted some form of single-payer.

The exchanges that the Right is so up in arms about was a Republican demand to placate the insurance companies. The basics of the plan came from the Heritage Foundation, a CONSERVATIVE think tank!

That I can only give this 5 stars

I agree with @Powersworder...The one million dollars question that wasn't answered in this sequel: Why did the wife leave the husband for David? For the money? for the power she thought she would get? And another issue: why didn't Aji's brother and his two friends ("they fit the type, dangerous") helped him face David? 3*

He left her when she went to meet David again. He left a note and said he couldn't share her. She then stayed behind.

5 stars.

The lead was one of the stupidest, weakest men I've ever read about. He makes mistake after mistake, has absurd notions about reality that aren't even close to true (such as the ability to buy a handgun without a waiting period, background check, or gun permit), despises the people who helped create him, and is too weak to do anything without being dragged along to it by other people in his life, all to save a woman who isn't redeemable.

Sorry, but the whole story is a shit show from start to finish. The original is better in that it's short and gets to the point. This just dragged on and on, then had a tonal shift at the end because the lead is a giant stupid worthless douche.

I don't know why I expected better. I've liked some of your other work, but from the first page I knew I wouldn't like this one, and it only got worse.

A minor point. You say there was mistake after mistake and used buying a handgun as an example. He failed to buy a handgun in England. Brea's connections procured one for him and for Aij. If you meant his comment about buying a handgun in the US is as easy as buying chocolate, he's right. Private party to private party sales are easily found. I looked at one website and checked Maine. There were many for sale.

Really lame, contrived, and total nonsense.

His marriage to Clare was so shallow and cold that they were barely husband and wife. She just starts fucking David, for a set of golf clubs? And the husband has to think about this, for weeks or months, while she continues to fuck David, and maybe others? And they don't even bother to discuss her adultery, her end game, what she expects this new life style to mean to them as husband and wife?

And then she has this burning need to Divorce Conell, why? And she flys to New York, and must be pregnant, or is the baby born, but she's not showing yet, and she wants her husband back, but compels him to sign the divorce papers? I don't get it. The characters' actions and words are confusing, contradictory, and totally unnatural.

Three Russian body guards, with guns drawn, drop their weapons on command from a wimp who's wife they've all been fucking, knowing their boss will have them tortured for surrendering. Yeah, the whole fucking story is so realistic and plausible. This should have been in the Science Fiction category, or Humor. It's a joke.

It's also an insult to the intelligence of people who understand how economies and free markets work. If you want guaranteed livelihoods and paternalistic government go live in some Socialistic paradise like Norway or Sweden, or Great Britain. OK, the last was a cheap joke, but the first two are options. Leave us to our mean old unpredictable capitalistic gun slinging. Its not for the faint of heart nor the lazy, so I get why the academy and the effete hate free enterprise: its hard work.

P.S. You also missed the most logical and predictable ending for David. He dies with a slit throat from a steak knife, wielded by Aji, when David tries to rape her, after he fails to buy her.

"Clare still had her plans with David for Thursday, and of course I'd known but never faced it. Now I felt like I had to. I did. We had a fight."

It's a shame you skipped that fight. It would have been a useful scene to shed some light on the wife's motives (and confrontation scenes are always fun!). Show don't tell is a great rule to live by!

"She was just too absorbed with David, his charm, his money, and the whole mystique. She left me to go be with him."

Okay the narrator (Conall) tells us this, but it doesn't seem to fit with what we're shown in the story. David is never really portrayed as being charming, he just made crude offers of cash to women for their underwear. The original story was all about how a man with lots of money could buy any woman he liked, but that didn't really carry across well in the sequel.

Clara initially fucks David for 3000 euros then buys the golf clubs for the husband, but he clearly has a problem with his wife prostituting herself and never uses them. After that, there's no more mention of her getting money from the Russian guy. She claims to love the husband and apparently he's much better in bed than the almost impotent David (we find out later in the story). If Clara had come from a dirt-poor background, her being seduced by the money might have been a better motive, but they seem to be quite well-off as a couple so it doesn't really fit.

Without any plausible motive for the wife, her constant cheating with David just seems bizarre, especially with how nasty he becomes later.

Loved it.

I'm not smart enough to dissect these stories, analyze the characters, or advise on the plot. I'll leave all that to the many, truly intelligent people who comment here. I do know when a story, especially a long one, grabs my interest. I can't stop reading, I want to get to the end, and see how it comes out, but then I don't want it to end. This was one of the best I've read here in a long time. Thanks, Jed.

I wasted my time trying to make sense of what the heck this story was about!! Thanks for trying.

Buy the beginning of the 2nd page a morally corrupt con artist with latent cuck tendencies has pimped out his slutty wife for the sake of money and is entirely butt hurt and surprised when it comes back to bite him in the ass. There is not reason to care what happens to such worthless characters. And the writing quality is as good as the plot. Which is as poor as the original story. The section referencing the list of Greek/roman characters....just seems somehow pretentious. Some time you manage to put together an entertaining story but this one missed the mark.

anonjerry

Scene: Large room with floor covered in set mousetraps with ping pong balls. You toss in a ping pong ball. Some traps go off. Try again with same response. Try again with same response. Try again with same response. Try again with same response. Try again with same response. Try again with same response...

I didn't understand the concept at the beginning. Sort of a James Bondian story. Well written as per usual Carvohi but lacked passion or reason to me. That said, I think it's a great writing effort even if it was lost on me. I guess I'm not real smart but that has it's up-side.

But frankly. I cant give much about any of the characters. Read the original and could not feel any empathy for the husband or the wife, and the whole premise of she getting fucked for a set of expensive golf clubs... this sequel make the couple even less apelling even, basically conmen that take their part even if not rich they cerrainly live with a comfortably income, one that could permit the buy of those clubs...

So the wife leaves and become the sex toy of filthy rich with big cock amoral guy #123, husband mopes we get to see his family and how he cant tolerated them with any good reason, then comes with a scheme to win back the exwife using a poetry book like really? Obviously filthyrich amoral badguy its amusing and mock his efforts... enter his former boss and that muslim chechen girl that basically coerce him to be used as pawn, also i cannot give a damn for chechen girl specially since every action that she does its bully and denigrate him... except for the tima that she say that he is "true man and a protector" this its after she basically she and his exboss mocked him and his plan to recuperate his ex wife with a poetry book...

Things happend and we get an almost happy ending... ok

Thanks to everyone who read and commented, though I'm surprised so few people have missed one of the main ingredients of the story, that both Conall and Clare had willingly become a part of a well organized charity scam. Both were crooked as snakes, and entitled, as a few have said, to no one's sympathy.

I thought I'd take a chance and try something a little different as usually the protagonist is someone who walks on water. My next story will have a character as flawed in other ways as Conall was here. It will interesting to see what people make of it.

Jedd Clampett

The original story, which I read as suggested was complete garbage IMHO and the ending to it even worse so it was a real challenge to write a sequal from that starting point. I appreciate that. I think you made a good job of it. You had to lower the protagonist to the level of complete slimebag but you included that one essential ingrediant all good fiction needs, namely character growth. The protagonist was given a hero complex and even simply as a narrative tool, it fuelled the story and gave me the buy in with this character. And by the end he was both more likeable and a much less of a conniving douche. As other commenter have noted he was not the same character (and all the better for it) but that matters not one iota because you allowed him to grow into something greater as you did with his timid but determined Chechen love interest. I enjoyed the hint of exotic flavour and their cultural differences. More of that would have been interesting to develop as would more tangible revenge on the filthy Russian sleaze. It was clear that money owned him more than he ever owned anything else. Scumbag relatives of gangster oligarchs seem to infest the UK these days and seem to think they own the place even more than the Saudis did back in the eighties. It's time we stopped blocking access to Putin's laundered money and seized it instead. It's proceeds of crime after all, but then we all know the banks are corrupt as fuck but I digress.

I admit to wondering what was the issue with the sick child. I didn't gather right away that his "guess" was correct, probably sidetracked into thinking of the Chernobyl children that did the rounds in the UK and Ireland a few years back. But what puzzled me the most was his motivation for actually wanting his ex wife back. "He still loved her", four years later seemed, well, a bit weak. The only constant is change and after all, time heals all wounds. And she surely changed quite a bit. It seemed like a stretch to think he still wanted her (hero complex aside), after such graphic evidence of her willful degredation. If he'd had earlier evidence either of the kid or that the kid was his it might have been a different matter. It was good that he didn't take Clare back. It would have devalued Aji's character growth and the reset switch is a horrible cliche, even with deliberate story symetry, (although fun when used for comic purpose), and Aji added an interesting counterpoint of honour and integrity to the husband and wife that started out as a pretty rotten pair.

As for the commenter that complained of the classical references, FFS! I can conclude it's another lazy, entittled millenial. LOOK THE BLOODY THING UP! We live in the age of the internet and some lazy bastard can take two seconds to inform himself about a literary reference! It's also part of our "Western" culture, fool. It infuriates me that some people bitch and whine about not knowing what something is and that authors should dumb down their work to please everyone. IT DOES NOT PLEASE EVERYONE. It alienates others so some dumbass can continue to be a lazy git. Mummy, reading is so hard! Grow up arsewipe! Expand your mind. Try finding a vocabulary that doesn't start with 'aight and end with some other "dope" gangsta bullshit.

Sorry, rant over.

I would like to comply, and conclude this with a clever Nom de Plume but since I can make only a single comment, a converstion just isn't possible (and I have no desire to accumulate more casual subscriptions or more website passwords), so I bid you adieu and thank you for a fine read.

5*

Damn, This blurry code shit is pants. 5th try.

—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

Not sure why but smarminess of laundering game in the guise of a noble cause decorated in yachts and champagne made me think of West Egg old boy.

Fun read with some charactef redemption. Still not sure how 00 Cuck and Chechyen Ninja were able to take out 3 former KGB operatives? Did Todd help with that?

Thanks for sharing the tale. I want to see the ISIL response in Bar Harbor.

Thank you for giving more depth to the characters. In the original story, it was odd that neither of the main characters were particularly likable, both being quite shallow and self absorbed. In this sequal Conall started out in a pity party but was cleverly btought out of it. The progression from no money to wealthy seemed a bit fast but it did speed th plot along.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

This was far better than the piece upon which it was based. You are an alchemist!

R.

You have done better , stars at 3 for me

Sorry, if you're now into twisted and disgusting characters, I think I'll pass from your stories from now on. Disgusting. He became a willing cuck. Love? I seriously doubt any of your characters know what love really is. As I said, maybe I'm old school but I prefer traditional values. I couldnt relate or care for any of your characters. They could have all died in the end and it'd have been the same. Not a love story, not even a twisted love story, as I said none of them knows what love really is.

Since I was convinced from the title that it was going to be a political piece.

I'm still convinced that it is a kind of set up of the current political situation - somehow, the thought of someone with Russian mafia scum running down their legs makes me think of certain people in the news these days... and the ending line is certainly rounding it out, and the FBI/CIA bit is consistent...

I agree with the sentiments - I'm not sure I like all of that levered into a story.

As a story? The second chance lady was a bit unexpected, and rather orthogonal to your usual woman figure, but still change the hair color, the nationality, and the history and you could be back with the petite and squirrely you seem to like to write about.

Eh... what do I know? The thought that the heroic, happy ending has to include all of us rings true...

Green-something

What was this nothing story about?

The story was well written, but it was not erotic at all. Very disappointing given the original "One Rule for the Rich" packed more eroticism in one page than this does in 6.

he pick'em or what? First a round heeled slut who fucked him first day, then a Muslim woman with terrorist relatives.

We learned this on the first page why write 5 more pages of crap?

I couldn't finish the story.

The husband seems like the stupidest person in the world, to want Clare back after seeing the pictures and video.

He should just have contacted her to let her know what the asshole russian did, and then washed his hands of her.

Some of his other work is decent, but it seems like the author has actually managed to become a worse writer over time.

Certainly could use a solid dose of common sense

This must be the lowest that carvohi has gotten to so far.

I thought your sequel was a bit contrived in its notion and uneven in its telling.

You had, IMHO, much more energy when writing about Claire than Aji. Brea was an uneven character also. Living in a fringe world of money laundering and intrigue and then acting "the whore with a heart of gold" in trying to link him up with Claire, thereby terminating her money maker. And the pistol play didn't fit.

Oh well. Drinks all 'round.

those who want single payer health care, remember, he who pays for it decides whether, how much and when you get it. So we want the govt. to decide that? Because bureaucrats are wise, efficient and empathetic? Do insurance companies sometimes suck? Sure, but I can easily change insurance companies choosing based on the ratings from other consumers compared to the difficulty of changing governments.

This was a very creative, entertaining and well-written take of love, adventure and redemption! It's completely different than your other stories, but still excellently told! Thanks for the unpredictable ending for you with a new stronger love without the requisite reconciliation!

I do agree that Bree needed more development as a character and Aji was less power a character than Claire, who was more dynamic. I still would have chosen Aji anyway!

Obviously you dont live in America.

...you took the original story and made it your own.

I still couldn't really like the characters... none of them. For one thing, there's too much truth in this. The rich truly do have their own set of rules. They live outside the laws that common people not only abide by, but maintain.

Laws and rules of conduct are illusions. The only thing that makes them work is the implicit agreement of everyone that holds to them. That's the very reason that they don't apply to the rich... the uber rich. They are people who don't feel bound by any of it... any morality, and they use that to work the rest of us. They are literally the people who will do anything within their power to reach their goals, and it's that, that makes them rich.

It makes the old saying true.

The shit always floats to the top.

The most prominent example of this in recent prominence is, of course, Jeffery Epstein. I find it hard to believe that anyone would accept that he committed suicide. His death helped to put an end to further revelations, and further embarrassment. I believe that with conviction, but in the end, what is ANYBODY going to do about it?

Conall may have lived on the periphery of all that, but he still chose that path, so it's no wonder he came into the circle of David's game, and it's little wonder he lost Clare to it. She was already set for the fall, ripe for the picking, all she needed was to be shown the path.

While the story outcome pointed toward a gracious life, the characters were still all damaged, all compromised, and carried a faint smell of corruption. The least of these, Aji, but though she was mostly innocent and faultless, she was still mercenary in her choice. It was her knowledge of the type of person she was seducing, that made him attractive to her. He was a checklist of attributes that could give her a safe, secure future.

You even wrote about my perspective in the story. When he returned to the states, he no longer fit, being part of the world that fleeced the common people... Being a financial member of the vampires that feast on the hardships of ordinary people.

To me, that's an important part of my consciousness of humanity, and not something I can stomach.

You did, however, succeed in making a complex and compelling tale out of it. So much more than the original.

Of that absolute shit was all I could manage.

Needless to say it got 1*

He couldn't afford 1,000 Euro for the clubs, then has FIVE thousand to put on the clubs, not counting the cleaning, etc.?

"What, I'm supposed to tell our kids; their daddy's going to hell because he won't change his faith?"- That's the trouble with religions - a perfectly good person's going to ell because they're not the "right" faith? Or, God forbid, no faith at all?