All Comments on 'Only One For Them'

I am really loving your story. I would like to point out a couple of things. You use "thou" instead of though and "am" instead of I am or I'm a lot. I usually just look right passed mistakes like those, but I know that it really bothers some people. I hope that you will continue this story and post the next chapter very soon!

Great base and start so far. I did notice a few typo's and grammar errors that could be corrected if you used either an editor or have a friend or two proof read the story first. You also cut of the end at a strange point. I hope there will be more coming along, as this tale has a way to go it seems.

can;t wait for more

I like how you started this off :) I can't wait to read more of your writing. But message to everyone.....please ignore the troller you can see under me. It's been going around leaving short negative comments like this for the past few weeks already on all kinds of entries. Please don't feed it.

Pay no mind to the bad reviews. This story was very well written and I absolutely enjoyed it and cannot wait for more. There is a new twist that I have not seen too often on the website. Your imagination is wonderful and you had me with the first few chapters, and I could not stop reading. This is important for me, I have stop reading plenty of stories because I was not captivated in the first few paragraphs, but you caught me and I am urgently awaiting the next installment!!!

Fantastic!!

Loved this story, can't wait for more.

Very good tho a few spelling errors

I just wish you knew how to use a period. Like that. And that......

please write more i am so glad that i found this story it is so nice to come across a story that did not stop at page 1 you have my full atention looking forward to the next chapter keep up the good work well done

I adore your lead alpha characters and think that you have written a really good strong story. The word mistakes and the switching between tenses does make it a little frustrating but I am sure there are many good editors out there who would love to help you with that.

I persevered through the errors as i felt your story still shone through and I am very pleased that i did!

Love the story so well done and thank you and I can't wait for the next chapter.

suddenly I'm reminded of the 'Apple of my Ass' segment from Jackass 3D. Aside from that bit of randomness, I actually liked your story. Yeah it needs polishing but hey, I'm interested in reading more.

It was not confusing for me, maybe because I think the way you write,strange is it not . Not every person thinks, and reads the same way. I have read books in the pass,that just to me was bla bla nothing . To other s the book was great. One pev to many chapters at once, cut them in half 4 at a time. That way leaves the reader a desire to look it up the next day. Still I will be waiting for the next chapters.

i liked the story, however as Pennlady pointed out. there is much that can be done to make this even better.

there are many misused words, also using "thou", it's fine in everyday live, but when writing you should use "though" as is the correct spelling.

work on shorter paragraph. you may not realize it but reading online is harder then simply reading a book. try to aim for 5/8 Lit lines for a paragraph, it doesn't matter if you cut off at a strange point. in the end it will make it easier for the reader to follow. at times i switched mid sentence simply because of this.

as for the length of the chapter, it is long. once you start writing you keep on adding, and that is perfectly fine. but many people check the page count before starting to read and many will not even read it just because it has so many pages.

one Lit page is approximately around 3500 (give or take a few). taking this into account you can easily split this chapter up into 3/4 chapters. most people find it more "fun" to read 2/3 pages per chapter. you can still submit them at the same time, but it's easier on the reader to keep track of where they were. reading 8 pages in one go takes quite a bit of time.

having said this all, i'm willing to lend a hand. i'm not the preaching kind and then say go figure it out. i'm more then willing to help you. you can contact me via my contact page on Lit. that's totally up to you, the offer is there.

mokkelke

yes had some errors but I still loved it

looking forward to the next chapter

I stopped reading after 5 pages. I was trying to enjoy the story as I like this type of fiction but the typos and errors made it a tough read.

You have a great story going here, I hope you get someone to help proof read and edit the coming chapters.

I really wanted to read this since I enjoy this genre of fiction. However after 3 pages the typos, errors, etc made it a choppy enough & distracting read that I couldn't continue. You need some editorial help. It seems like it could be an enjoyable ready once you get it fixed. Good Luck.

Despite the many grammatical errors that scream you need an editor, I could not help but enjoy the story from beginning to end. I truly hope you write another installment soon because I really want to know what Lytta is, who was that guy with the mohawk at the club and what was his problem, and generally what happens next? Please keep writing.

I loved the story very unique please finish......

I was unable to finish this story due to the many spelling, grammar and structure mistakes. I did like the main idea! Also, "Agon-dray" is not the Latin word for dragon, the Latin word for dragon is draco. "Agon-dray" is the fake language pig latin word for dragon. People seemed to like your story and I liked the part that I did read, it was just hard to get past the mistakes. It would be so good for you to have someone look over your story before you post it to check for mistakes. Even if you wait a day or two, read it over and make corrections (you'd be surprized at what you'll see differently after removing yourself from it for just a day), then have someone else look at it and then post it. That could be a great process for you. Good luck and keep on writing!

Can I point out that 'Agon-dray' is pig latin, not actual Latin, and pig latin has no relation to Latin, it's just an English language jargon game. Also the typos and grammar errors are very distracting. I like the main ideas of the story though, please don't be disheartened.

It would make a better story without the errors but enjoyable non the less.

I agree an editor is needed. The mistakes made it hard to read sometimes. That is stuff that can be fixed easily though. For the most part, the story was engaging. I like how you developed the characters a lot. You are very descriptive which makes or breaks a story for me. I want to be able to draw a picture in my mind. You do that well. I think the ending was too abrupt. Maybe even rephrasing such as 'they ate in silence but there would be plenty to discuss later'. The way it ended it felt like it was cut off b/c you say 'ate in silence before they talked' ...about what.

In general a good story that could be excellent if it were cleaned up.

I do question why she reacted so violently to the idea of werewolves when she remembers throwing fireballs at her parents and being floated up in the air by their minds. That would clue a person in to there being supernatural beings!

I also wonder why the wolves didn't scent the guy Stan on her since he touched her and even kissed her.

Look forward to learning more about her and what she is and about the pack and what it would mean if she mated with them both. What do they know about it since they may not have learned much from the manuscript found. How does it happen and what does a regular mating mean for two people to start. What happens since she's human? There are a lot of blanks to be filled in for her and for the reader. Keep writing!

From the start the text switches from the third person to the first. The first person has to be used carefully for it to work. The idea is great but it needs alot of editing I found it tedious to read because of the mistakes as well. But like it was mentionned before it's nothing a little work going over the texts couldn't fix.

...why they didn't help her get cleaned up before they all went to sleep together? The author describes the twins cumming on her face, breasts, back, and hair. It just seemed disrespectful to me, especially considering that she is their mate.

It took me forever to get through this story because of all the mistakes. There were so many, it made me wonder if English was your first language. Don't get me wrong, I love this story and I wanna read more, but please, for the sake of your readers, get an editor!!

I took Latin classes throughout highschool and college and agon-dray is not latin for dragon, that would be draco. Did you mean pig-latin? Anyways, I really like your ideas and plot, amazing story!

A waltz? Really? I like it but I don’t care for how it got “harlequin novely” in spaces, in other words a little cliché . Lack of contractions kind of make the character seem less dimensional (i.e. “let us go”) she was painted as a relaxed woman and her having a less modern and formal pattern of speech just doesn’t match. But hey what the hell do I know…. P.S. you must be doing something right cause I’m hooked.

love the story, however your atrocious sentence structure, and repeating of words, was really hard to follow. you need to learn the language to get the words in their proper place:D

keep going with story, it is an interesting plot!

Great story, fantastic idea. There were some grammatical mistakes but, for me, it didn't detract from the story at all. Love the characters so far, love the mystery of Lytta's fire ability. Can't wait to read the rest!

A bit of a tough read. You switch perspectives so much, going from third person to first person and back, i got a little lost. The storyline is great though, and i will be moving on to the rest of the series.

I am so in love with this story. Off to the next capter...

I love the characters and I can't wait to read more!!

It was good, but there was way too many grammar mistakes honey! Next time get it edited before you share it!

But yeah, great plot!

omg...had to stop at that point....

No ending,so check the see if story is finished before you read,,,a good one,but really sucks to have an unfinished story after spending hours reading it....

wow, take your computer off spell check. that was painful to read.

i dont want to be rude however agon-dray is not latin, it is pig latin. the latin word for dragon is dracos.

Spell check

The grammar and spelling were really difficult to deal with, but I liked the story so much I kept going, this may seem nitpicky, but the second I read that he wondered if she was fully black because her hair was so pretty I was done. Seriously!!? Why say that at all?

second time reading your unfished story. I'm just hoping that you'll get back to it even after a year. I don't care about the grammar mistakes as long as you'll finish the story. its just good.

I have a few inquiries.

-Is English not your native tongue?

-Are you lacking in the spelling proficiency department?

-Are you not an avid reader?

-Are you a younger person (18-21)?

I ask because you consistently:

-Use the wrong words (bowel for bowl)

-Have ridiculously long run-on sentences

-Misspell words

-Use the wrong tense

-Don’t utilize contractions or conjunctions

-Have missing (necessary) words

-Have added (unnecessary) words

-Use the wrong form of a word (there, their, they’re)

-Mix up the use of him/her, she/he, his/hers

-Etc.

You have a really great imagination but the astounding number of glaring errors take away from your story! This is because I’m constantly stopping to decipher and/or correct things. It gets quite tiresome and frustrating. Then it gets worse because it seems to happen 10 times as much when the story gets to a climactic part! Do yourself a favor and get an editor (who’s also a voracious reader) to go over ALL your work (past, present and future). Good luck in your future literary endeavors.

Not bad, i ejoyed what ive read thus far and will finish the story. Shes not black but biracial?