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"So what would you like?" he asked,
"What do you have?" she asked smiling at him,
"Anything you want it is likely that we have," he said shaking his brown hair away from his eyes,
"Okay I think I will have cereal and maybe a fruit," she said, on her left she saw someone pouring cereal in a bow she ignored it but looked at them when they brought it to rest in front of her putting a spoon down on a napkin she glared at Michael who shrugged his shoulders grinning at her,
"What?" he said looking innocent, Lytta turned to the young man who had brought her food,
"Thank you, but you didn't need to do that for me," she said, the teenager simply smiled as he got a bowel of fruit to place in front of her,
"It was nothing really I am honored to help my alpha with just a simple task," he said and walked away, Lytta rounded on Michael, who had grabbed an apple from the bowel
"Why did you do that? I could have made my own breakfast you know," she asked steering in some sugar and taking a mouthful,
"Come on, you're a guest here, what kind of host would I be if I let you do it yourself?" he asked, a plate of pancakes with syrup and strawberries was placed in front of him, a moment later a glass of orange juice was placed beside the plate, he smiled at the woman who smiled as she walked back to her group,
"You would be a sane host if you ask me, do you normally just ask someone to make your breakfast for you?" she asked though she enjoyed her food,
"Not always but it makes things easier when you're in a hurry," he said eating his food, they ate in silence before talking again.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 1 year agoNot bad, i ejoyed what ive read thus far and will finish the story. Shes not black but biracial?
Anonymousover 6 years agoI have a few inquiries.
-Is English not your native tongue?
-Are you lacking in the spelling proficiency department?
-Are you not an avid reader?
-Are you a younger person (18-21)?
I ask because you consistently:
-Use the wrong words (bowel for bowl)
-Have ridiculously long run-on sentences
-Misspell words
-Use the wrong tense
-Don’t utilize contractions or conjunctions
-Have missing (necessary) words
-Have added (unnecessary) words
-Use the wrong form of a word (there, their, they’re)
-Mix up the use of him/her, she/he, his/hers
-Etc.
You have a really great imagination but the astounding number of glaring errors take away from your story! This is because I’m constantly stopping to decipher and/or correct things. It gets quite tiresome and frustrating. Then it gets worse because it seems to happen 10 times as much when the story gets to a climactic part! Do yourself a favor and get an editor (who’s also a voracious reader) to go over ALL your work (past, present and future). Good luck in your future literary endeavors.
Anonymousover 9 years agosecond time reading your unfished story. I'm just hoping that you'll get back to it even after a year. I don't care about the grammar mistakes as long as you'll finish the story. its just good.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoThe grammar and spelling were really difficult to deal with, but I liked the story so much I kept going, this may seem nitpicky, but the second I read that he wondered if she was fully black because her hair was so pretty I was done. Seriously!!? Why say that at all?
