All Comments on 'Onus'

I really like your worldbuilding but I'm seeing a theme here regarding your central characters - it would be really nice to read about one that wasn't such a shivering, blubbering weak mess for a change. I would've thought that in this story, for example, when you say that the Onus had to grow up tough, that the main character would not be so - sorry to say - pathetic.

Granted, I haven't read everything you've written, but your characters in dystopian cultures evolve into stronger beings. Should you continue with multiple page chapters and multiple chapters, Shiloh has ample opportunity to become more complete and functional from the experiences of situations and involvement with other characters. I look forward to reading another of your fascinating fictions.

New to site, kinda stumbled into this one, but damn I am glad I did. Ur good, damn good. Read ur attached personal note to the haters, darling only got one thing to say, f'em. If this is ur typical writing style and shelf u are definitely doing something right. Haters do one thing good, hate. - Personally I really enjoyed this start and can't wait for more. I most definitely will be checking out more of ur worlds.

I've read all your stories and i like them all. and like the previous comment: f'em!

I can't wait to read more!

Thanks for the warning: I got to this story via the comments column, and only saw it was you after reading the warning. I'm one of those who can't read your stories - I find the levels of cruelty just too much (and totally unnecessary - I think you could write really good stories with much less cruelty). I reckon "Cruel2BKind" should be "Cruel2BCruel". Have you genuinely thought about those comments and e-mails you've received? You would have a far larger readership with just a little editing out of the worst of your excesses, and your stories would gain, not lose, by the editing. It seems a pity that you should lose readers for want of an editor, when you are obviously a good writer.

I am a niche writer. I have never had any illusions otherwise.

I write what comes into my head. The mentality of my stories, the darkness, the cruelty, I can't just turn it off. Sometimes, nicer stories come into my head (see; Shy Jared, Stars, Sulfer, the Taste of Ash, Firecracker, Tenderness) but I can't control when that happens.

I appeal to people who like their stories dark. There are a million writers on this site that you can go to for light fluffy strokers, and I'm not one of them. I understand that my writing turns a lot of people off. I am putting warnings on my future stories to try and drive those people off.

So do me a favor. Don't critique me on cruelty that I took the time to warn you about. Because that it akin to walking into an X-rated theater and complaining about the nudity.

I have a core of supportive fans (and thank you, to all of you) who enjoy my work and have been incredible over the last few years. I'm very sorry that in the past I did not use trigger warnings. But now that I am using trigger warnings, it would be nice if morality police didn't punish me for using them.

Go read Robcub32, if you want nice stories with some depth. That man is an incredible writer that doesn't have to stoop to my level of depravity.

And as for the depraved? Welcome back. Sit right down, the water is fine.

--Cruel.

I'll be completely honest, I love the cruelty you put into your stories. Personally I think it adds to your characters and makes the stories more interesting. What some people don't understand is the pain is what makes this. If you took the cruelty and pain out, it would be boring, dull and forgettable.

So just listen to me. Forget the haters and the whine-asses crying themselves to sleep over the stories that they chose to read. You're amazing at what you do so please don't stop. I am anxious to see what happens next in this story particularly. Please, continue soon.

Woah, there, Cruel - that's one seriously ungracious response. The guy said you're a good writer, maybe the criticism is worth taking on board.

This piece right here was very hard to read. You are a good writer .. But damn!

The cruelty you put in is over the top - I agree with Anon who says your stories would be better if you had an editor "editing out your worst excesses". The way it comes across, the reader stops thinking about the story, and starts thinking about what kind of person is writing them - that's bad. You want the reader to be feeling something for your m.c., not thinking "what kind of sick fuck wrote this?"

Don't change anything! I have to say that I'm quite surprised at the number of people who have read this, who maybe shouldn't. People, if there is a warning, read it and take it to heart. Don't bad mouth the author for an amazing piece of work, you just didn't have the stomach to read. If you did, you would understand that this is not about the pain and suffering, but about how people react and develop in these situations and lives. See it as an opportunity to learn something and be a better more understanding person fore it.

Cruel, I love your work. Always have, always will. You make me feel and grow right alone with the characters. I have never done anything but admire your insight to hove it is to live inn the dark. Thank you!

-B-

Much too cruel. Because the stories "come to you" this way, doesn't mean they should be written this way - that's what judicious editing is for, both by yourself and by an objective editor. "Writing" is supposed to involve decision-making on the part of the author, not just mindless regurgitation of whatever comes into your head.

I thought it was good. I like how your stories tend to have the main character suffer and then a nice happy ending for them :). Not sure if that makes me weird, but I don't care.

Each writer has their own flavor, it's what keeps fans returning to the same author. I've tasted your writing style and I think I'll stay awhile.

Never minding the content, the writing style here is gripping and immersive. I felt the despair, the misery, the fear. I even felt those alien senses because of how vivid you can be, and looking out through Shiloh's eyes and sensing with his tongue is intriguing and refreshing, even if what he's sensing is a little harsh.

I had no clue where this was going. Didn't really care at first. I was hooked. I was there. How it's written is so important to me, and you write it very well.

So I can't wait to hop back inside of Shiloh and fight the fear and despair again. The fact that I can feel his world through your writing is a testament to your skill, and it's actually pretty inspiring.

Great read. Keep writing for those of us that slink in the darkness.

You're really just a psycho aren't you? If you can write it......makes me wonder how YOU really treat people. Never read your work before, I won't be reading any more. 1*

I can't say I loved this first chapter -- it was a difficult read. But I will say I can't wait to read the next. :-) Love how inventive this story is, and the backstory about the white pony -- heartbreaking and very well done. You've brought me right into this world with wonderful descriptions of taste, touch, feel. I'm right there with Shiloh, going through his fear and agony. I won't forget this story anytime soon.

Just read the first chapter and think it's really, really, really good! I get that the main character is timid but it was a bit grating at times. However, the scope of the story is brilliant and I think you're onto something wonderful here! I'm gonna read the the rest of the story but IDK if I'm going to comment because some of these Literotica commentators are just childish and dumb! How the hell are these people gonna read a warning you made for them and then like... read it anyway and be upset with how cruel the story turned out to be?

Anyways, bruh! You just earned yourself a wicked little fan! For anything, email me at montrezrambo@gmail.com

Not to take anything away from your story, but stop using that word. It's not okay, not even if you're black. It's not "taking the word back" or whatever. Some things should just die. That disgusting word, and all its connotations, should be obliterated from all language except as a cautionary tale, an example of what happens when we subjugate someone for just existing with a slight difference.

It's just a word, acting like it is something sacred that can never be said only gives it more power and doesn't help anything. Once people use it as just another insult thats what it will simply become and then maybe we can move on from trying to police language.

I absolutely love all of your stories! And as someone with pretty severe sensory issues I'm excited to read more about the onus.