Operation νερό

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Swooooooosh!

Argon landed with his feet planted right beside Natalia. He bent down and with unquestionable strength lifted her into a standing position. Her body flipped upwards so quickly that it eerily resembled a rag doll.

Her forehead was bleeding, along with her lip.

"You're not very intelligent, human."

Natalia was wheezing. Multiple ribs on her right side were obviously crushed and stabbing her lungs. Her breathing was getting lighter and lighter, her lips starting to turn purple. Argon stepped back and watched her curiously.

He simply stared at her as she fell to the ground. In agonizing pain, her body was writhing. No sound was coming out of her mouth anymore. He knew that she was dying. Somewhere deep down, he felt a pain. The unsettling feeling of guilt was washing across Argon's body, an emotion that he had never before discovered.

As he finally grew fed up with the uncomfortable feeling, he decided to squat down beside the human. He lifted his hand and pressing it against her wound, he could feel the injury. Natalia's face scrunched in pain, tears pouring out of her face. Her heart was slowing down.

Suddenly, Argon spread his fingers out across the wound and pressed with relentless power against her body. After a few long and extremely painful seconds, Natalia started gasping for air.

Argon stepped back and simply observed her.

Finally, Natalia's breathing calmed down. She raised herself to a standing position. Amazed, she pushed her hands against her side and felt that the injury was indeed gone. As if it had never been there.

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't know. You looked like you needed help." He responded, confusing himself with the suddenly hospitable tone in his voice.

"You think?" Natalia started laughing incessantly. Her body keeling over in laughter.

"You're in shock. The fear and uncertainty of this is causing you to act deliriously." Argon responded.

Natalia continued laughing for another few minutes before she finally brought herself to a standing position. "Can you please let me go now? You obviously don't want to hurt me, so just put me back where you found me and leave me alone." She pleaded.

Argon was obviously displeased with her statement. A look of disgust and anger came across his face. He knew that he was acting foolishly. What hadn't he killed her yet? Why hadn't he torn the flesh off of her body for murdering his child?

Natalia sensed his changing demeanour. "No. Please! STOP!" She yelled as he stepped towards her. And in one quick motion he ripped the pants of her body. This left Natalia in nothing but her bra, panties, and combat boots.

Forcefully, he pushed her up against the rocky wall on the mountain. Her face contorting in pain. "Don't you dare forget who the predator is here!" His voice so deep and powerful, caused the mountain to vibrate.

"Just. Just. Ugh. Let. GO!" Natalia was starting to lose her temper again, courageous blood flowing through her veins.

"You just don't le-" Argon's stopped talking. His eye widened, and then he looked down at his member. It was being clenched tightly by Natalia's fingers.

Her grip on him was so hard that her hand was shaking. Surprisingly, she could feel it growing in her hand. Quickly, it reached its full massive length. The ten inch cock was very thick, Natalia's fingers no longer able to wrap entirely around it.

She looked back up at his face and noticed that he was smiling and staring at her. "You think this is fucking funny? How about I snap this in fucking half?!" Her voice was commanding.

But Argon wasn't phased by the threat. He started to laugh at her, showing absolutely no fear of losing his member.

This sparked a rage that Natalia had never before witness in herself to come about. She brought her knee up and with as much force as she could muster, slammed it into his side. This caused him to, once again, release his grip from her and push him back out of reach. Natalia looked down at the ground. The hardest object she could find was an oddly shaped metallic ball of some sorts. She picked it up and raised it above her head and charged at Argon.

His eyes shot open, surprised by her bravery and fighting spirit.

SMASH!

In an instant, she was gone. A huge bird of sorts had flown down and whipped Natalia right out of his grasps.

"No!" Argon was furious. There was no way that he would let anything take his toys. In one quick rippling motion, his wings thrusted him at impossible speeds into the sky.

The bird was colossal, weighing at least 2000 lbs, it defied physics as it soared high in the sky.

Argon picked up his speed and his effort and in a few seconds was able to reach the bird in the sky. He raised up to where its head was. For a second, they made eye contact. The bird gave a possessive and predatory look.

Tired of acting so weakly, Argon unloaded an assault of punches and kicks in mid air into the birds face. It let out a huge shrieking sound, and then dropped Natalia.

Argon immediately saw her falling through the sky. He left the bird and in an instant darted towards her looming death.

Swoooop!

He skillfully pulled her into his arms and flew her back to the mountainside where they previously were.

She fell into a seated position as soon as they landed, her back resting against the rocky edge. Argon stepped back and looked her over. Her head fell into her lap. Slowly she started to cry.

Argon noticed this and confusedly stepped backwards. He felt something churning inside of him. He felt for this human. He felt pain for her.

Natalia's cry slowly grew to a much more intense state. This was the most she had ever cried in her entire life.

Argon walked towards her and slowly lifted her to a standing position. His hands cupped the sides of her face. He observed the stream of tears pouring down her cheeks. Her lips were puffy and her eyes were swollen.

"beautiful." It just barely escaped his mouth, but it did in fact get out.

Natalia looked up and met his gaze. Her tearing eyes glared with uncertainty. She couldn't understand why he would say such a thing.

Carefully, he pushed her stray hairs out of her face. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" Argon's voice trembled with doubt. He wasn't sure why he was acting so odd.

Natalia moved her hands and ran them along his body. One felt across his muscular chest, the other gripping his massive bicep. She traced her hands all around his torso until finally rising to his wide shoulder blades.

Argon's body was quivering at her touch. For the first time in his life, he was entirely motionless, stuck in time. Every square inch of his skin that her hands touched felt like it was crackling with electricity.

Natalia could feel his pleasure from her touch. She felt like her hands were alive, like they had a life of their own. And she was simply the bystander, watching as they felt their way across this perfect specimen of a man.

Argon moved his hands so that they were resting just above her butt, he pulled her almost naked body up against his. Her erect nipples now pressing against his chest.

Natalia stared up at him. Her self-control, finally, had snapped like a thin little twig. She threw herself upwards and pressed her lips tightly against his.

Completely shocked by the act, Argon began kissing her back. Their hands discovering each others' bodies as they shared a deep and passionate kiss.

Natalia, not forgetting what she had been put through because of him made her grow aggressive. She pressed her lips ever more tightly against his. Argon sensed this and pushed her back against the stoney edge. Their kiss became deeper and even more impassioned by this.

Natalia raised her knee so that it was provocatively laying against his side.

Argons member grew to its full length from this and pressed roughly against her stomach. He removed his hands from her back and lifted her, from underneath, up off the ground.

Natalia wrapped her legs around his pelvis, her sex steaming with anticipation. With one quick motion, Argon ripped the bra off of her. The fully glory and beauty of her breasts spilling out. With another quick motion, her panties were ripped right off of her.

Argon's aggression turned Natalia on even more. Their kissing was ferocious and violent, but it was also filled with an array of confusing emotions. Anger. Lust. Fear. Love.

Natalia wrapped her hand around his cock. Slowly massaging it.

"Fuck. That- so fucking good." Moaned Argon.

Natalia looked down at the massive throbbing pole in her hand, her sex was dripping wet at this point. Carefully, she directed it towards her opening.

From this point, Argon took over. He slowly slid his cock inside of her. The feeling of being inside of her was unparalleled. Her insides, so tight, felt like she was moulded just for him. His entire cock now was inside of her.

He tilted his back with the pleasure of being deeply embedded in her.

"Do it." Said Natalia as she pressed her lips back against his.

He slowly pulled himself out of her, where only the tip was left in. The folds of her vulva tracing along the sides of his cock. And then he pushed himself back in. He continued to do this a few more times, picking up the pace each time.

"Ughn fuck! That feels so good!" Yelled Natalia.

This turned him on even further, causing him to thrust even faster and harder.

"Ughn! Fuck! Oh Fuck! Holy fuck!" She yelled.

Natalia's breasts were squashed against his chest, her nipples so hard that they could practically pierce right through his skin.

Argon's wings started to ripple, rising them both into the air.

Natalia didn't even notice that they were now flying. "Oh FUCK! FUCK!

UGGGGHHHNNNHNNN!!"

Quickly he brought her back to the ground, this time she was flat on her back. He placed his hands beside her head and leaned himself down, passionately kissing her.

Natalia pulled her head back for a moment, "Don't fucking stop" was all she said.

Argon reacted and started thrusting again. This time, he didn't begin slow, he went immediately to full speed and power.

"Oh FUCK! YESSS! YESSS! FUCK! YESS!!"

Their fucking was so hard and powerful that with each thrust, Natalia's body would drag across the ground.

The pain and the pleasure was too much to handle. Natalia dug her nails into his back. She could feel an orgasm coming on any second now. Her nails dug deeper into his back as she tightened her grip.

He felt her oncoming climax and lowered his hand to her slit. His fingers rapidly rubbing at her. Her butt arched upwards. His other hand tightly clenching her breasts.

"Fu- Its- I'm ab- OH! UGGHNNN! YYESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!" Natalia's massive orgasm sent powerful shockwaves across her entire body. This went on for at least 30 seconds, her insides pulsating heavily.

Argon's face scrunched from the pain in his back, now bleeding from the wounds that her orgasm inflicted.

Slowly he thrusted himself back into her. He was beginning to pick up a rhythm again when Natalia put her hands on him.

"Stop, it's too much. Let me finish you." Said Natalia.

He pulled himself out of her slowly. "What? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing." She started to chuckle. And then kissed him deeply. "You're just huge. I need some time to recover."

"Oh." He responded.

"Don't worry. This will be fun." Natalia mischievously smiled.

Argon stood up so that his member was now sticking out like a rod, pointed right at Natalia's face.

She wrapped her hand around him, massaging his glans. While doing this, she shoved his balls into her mouth.

Argon's head rolled backwards, hands resting on his hips for balance.

Natalia released his balls and directed her attention back to his cock. She teased him and ran her tongue along its side and then swirled it around the tip. She pressed her lips together and kissed it, closing her eyes all the while. Then, in one quick motion, she engulfed his entire cock.

"Holy fuck" Moaned Argon.

Saliva was spilling out of her cheeks as the ten inch rod filled her entire mouth and half her throat. She held it there for a few seconds before needing to stop for air.

FFTHIMP! She pulled her mouth right off of him, gasping for air.

"This is amazing, UGHN" Before he could even finish his compliment, Natalia had already stuffed him back into her mouth. This time she sucked on him with fervour.

The slurping sounds of his cock deep throating her was driving Argon closer and closer to the edge.

"OH FUCK!"

She continued sucking. Her head bobbing back and forth at incredible speeds.

His balls were churning rapidly as they prepared for an intense release. Sensing this, Natalia wrapped her hand around his balls, slowly massaging them. The other hand wrapped around the base of his cock.

She began pumping ferociously. Her sucking and pumping was about to drive Argon right over the edge.

"OH FUCK! I'M GOING TO- HOLY FUCK! UGGHN! I'M GOING TO CUM!" He exclaimed.

With this, her pumping and sucking got even faster. Her beautiful c-cup breasts slapping back and forth against her chest as she pleasured him with unmatched skill.

The muscles in Argon's body tightened. He put his hands behind her head, forcing her to take him even deeper into her throat until his pelvis was pressed against her lips.

"UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN!!"

A jet of cum exploded into Natalia's mouth, filling her throat with his seed. More and more came, a seemingly endless stream. His cum was filling her belly.

After unclenching from the best climax of his entire life, Argon collapsed to the ground. Natalia followed suit, laying down right beside him.

For a moment, there was silence. Both of them stared quietly, not knowing what to think, at the sky. And then Natalia rolled over onto her stomach and wrapped her arm around his torso and her leg on top of his.

Argon enjoyed her embrace. Well, he didn't just enjoy it. He loved it. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back and kissed the top of her head.

"So, what's your name?" Argon asked.

Natalia looked up at his face. A warm smile pulled itself across her face. She leaned her head upwards and kissed his chin and then laid her head back down on his chest.

Darkness was falling upon the mountain. Night had arrived. Everything had changed... Nothing would ever be the same.

Natalia closed her eyes and let herself peacefully drift off to sleep.

"Natalia." She said.

Argon smiled. He tightened his embrace, and then closed his eyes.

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8 Comments
TJSkywindTJSkywindover 8 years ago
Awaiting your new version

It's been some time since you posted. Please don't give up on writing!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
well done

I'll be looking for more I am not usually a fan of syfy sex but your story is very very,good keep on trucking will be waiting for more tenbears43

SilverThaiGoatSilverThaiGoatabout 9 years agoAuthor
Very much appreciated!

To TJSkywind -- I very much appreciated your feedback and didn't feel that it was a slam in any way. Thank you for taking the time to write out so much useful information. I'm already working on a full edit, and taking all of what you said into consideration. I hope that you'll take the time to read my re-post once it's completed. Thanks again!

TJSkywindTJSkywindabout 9 years ago
I sincerely apologize

SilverThaiGoat -

It has come to my attention that others think my feedback was a slam. There was good advice that in the future, I post feedback privately.

It is and was not my intention to discourage you from writing. Please, keep writing! It takes courage to write and to share publicly what you create.

If you dislike what I write, feel free to delete my comments. The core of your story is good. In the second half, I tried to show what I did like about your tale, and what I was curious about. I truly had no intention of putting you down personally, and if you felt that way, I offer my sincerest apology. I am sorry.

Again, please keep writing!

TJSkywindTJSkywindabout 9 years ago
Where do I start ...

When you are writing science fiction, it's important to show that you understand the nomenclature. When you are writing on a subject that you are unfamiliar with, take the time to read up on it, to learn some terms, and even study how the subject functions or the duties of people who make the task happen.

Interstellar Distance:

Our sun and its planets are in a solar or single-star system. Bernard's Star, Alpha Centauri, and Proxima Centauri are all nearby solar systems. All of these star systems are within ten light years distance. That's close, but with our current technology, you are talking decades or even centuries of travel time - one way.

The speed of light is about 671,000,000 an hour. A light year is 58,784,998,100,000 miles. Yes, 58.7 trillion miles. Andromeda is over 2.5 million light years away. That's 58.7 trillion times 2.5 million. Hollywood uses Andromeda because it's "close." But that is relatively speaking. There are thousands of star systems closer, and millions more within the Milky Way galaxy (the one we are in). Light travels fast. Even so, it takes light from the sun a full eight minutes to reach the earth.

The future scientists would have to have some exceptional optical gear to even see a planet orbiting one of the stars in Andromeda. That's like living in Seattle and going to Madrid to get a drink of water. Thousands of towns closer, and a huge, empty expanse once you leave the Milky Way (same as crossing the Atlantic) and head to Andromeda (Spain). Most people, including many in Hollywood, don't know this basic bit of astronomy, but for those who do know a little bit, it shows you don't know your stuff. It's more plausible to say, it's seven hundred or a thousand light years away. Interstellar travel, that is, traveling from star system to star system, is a huge deal. Inter-galactic travel is off the scale in comparison. Think traveling state to state versus traveling to another continent by air or sea.

Technology and Economics:

You mention the technology putting people out of work, but not how they survived without an income or job to cover all these technological wonders. Then you introduced the shortage of fresh water. Fresh water can be made, and many Middle Eastern nations have desalinization plants that create drinkable fresh water from sea water. You can create water from oxygen and hydrogen, but currently it's prohibitively expensive in energy cost.

The situation as you describe it indicates environmental collapse. Even if they can find a world with water, transportation becomes an issue. There are, however, theories that many asteroids are huge chunks of water. Filtration systems are yet another alternative.

Politics and economics are two sides to the same coin. Politics decides who has the power. Who has the power, decides who gets the wealth. Who as the wealth has a big impact on who is in power. Obviously, those with wealth and guns will have water. Those without will be left to die.

Of course, most of this you can skip. But if you mention the causes of why something happens, I encourage you to deal with it in a realistic manner. People who read science fiction and fantasy tend to be thinkers, and they want the story to make sense within the context of the setting. Because it is science fiction or fantasy, they are looking for something to be out of the ordinary. They will also want characters they can empathize with, or at least understand.

Military protocol:

Officers are addressed as "sir." You do not ever use the word "sir" when addressing a sergeant. Sergeant are NON-commissioned officers, i.e., they are in charge of privates and corporals, but they are not officers. This is a big one. "Don't call me 'sir,' private! I WORK for a living!"

There are a LOT of veterans, and you making this mistake shows that you have not served, or were not a military brat (that's Born, Raised, And Trapped). It also shows you really don't know how the military works. Crafting a story is presenting the environment for the characters to interact in. If the environment is not believable -- in this case, it's military -- you lose readers, or at the least, impair their ability to suspend belief because they KNOW from experience what you obviously do not.

Military and sex:

No sex in the tent doesn't mean no sex. The incidence of rape among service women is much higher than civilian rates. Much higher. And over 97% of the women assaulted in Iraq and Afghanistan were attacked by fellow service men - people the women depended upon to watch out for their safety, not betray and hurt them. Many of their superiors are not trained for it, and current standards are fifty years behind civil laws and procedures. Women are often ignored or send out on patrol - sometimes with the man who did it - so the woman "would have something to get her mind off it." People trained to deal with aggression and with combat are taught to express themselves physically. That expression can be exercise and sport. But it also means their sex drives will not suppressed but expressed and it can mean expressed strongly -- unless there are serious consequences for doing so, like getting shot for it. You give no reason for why they are not having sex or what the punishment is. That is simply not believable.

You wrote:

"As she walked back to her bed, she 'innocently' flaunted her hips and tight ass to the onlooking men. Unfortunately for her, there was a strictly enforced rule in place that stated that there would be absolutely no sexual relations between soldiers inside of the tent."

So no sex in the tent. What's to stop her or the men from going over the next sand dune and drilling for oil out of sight of the tent? And if Natalia is stupid enough to flaunt her hips, she is being a cock-tease. That type of behavior rarely ends well in real life.

Role-play, rough sex, BDSM and pain stuff between consenting adults is exactly that -- between consenting adults. Rape hurts. And often still hurts long after the body heals. A woman who says no, hoping to be "taken" like some fantasy romance bodice-ripper is an air-headed idiot.

Punctuation and such:

When you speak of groups of people or non-specific organizations, you can use lower case. When you are referring to something or someone specific, capitalize the first letter because it's part of the title. Examples: "I enjoyed being in the army; the sergeants taught me many important life-skills. I am glad I served in the U.S. Army, where I met Sergeant Russo." You can write "army" when talking generically. When it is the U.S. Army, it's capped because you are talking about a specific military organization. When you speak about a specific person, such as the fictitious Sergeant Russo, the rank is capitalized; the rank is specific to him or her. Another one: I spoke to my Dad about being a dad.

Complex numbers or accepted exceptions - like military units or time - can use numerals. It's still expected to write out the word and not use the actual numeral. You wrote: In the 45 extra minutes that Natalia had, she would go for a fast 6 or 7 mile run. You should have written: In the forty-five extra minutes that Natalia had, she would go for a fast six- or seven-mile run.

In programming, punctuation goes on outside the quotes. For narrative dialog, the punctuation goes inside the quotes. In the next case, you did the punctuation almost correctly. You wrote: "You and I, we need to talk. Come with me." The sergeant said sternly.

The second sentence is a fragment, and in the context, it does not emphasize anything of importance. In writing, you can do fragments, but do so sparingly; it makes the phrase stand out because an incomplete sentence violates the rules of grammar. In the case above, you should have written: "You and I, we need to talk. Come with me," the sergeant said sternly.

See the difference? If you want to identify the speaker of the dialog, use a comma inside the quote mark, not a full-stop/period, and finish the sentence. The other dialog within the story suffers regularly from this error.

It's a rare case when someone can edit their own work. I can do a pretty good job with someone else's work, but when I read my own stuff, I know what I meant, and, well, I miss a lot of mistakes, essentially careening about with dispairing regularity. Find an editor or a reader as soon as you can. Even if they aren't great, they can help you catch some things that you yourself had missed.

Some readers will forgive a lot of mistakes if the story grabs their interest. I tend to praise because writing is work, and for me, the characters and the story trump grammar and punctuation - to a point. Becoming good takes practice and desire, and more practice. Many critics here have never put their own tales up for review. And I don't put a lot of credence to people who say they didn't like it, but not what they didn't like. And some are here to read something while they wank off, and if the genitals aren't in some orifice within three paragraphs, they are gone. Well, to those last ones, I say good riddance. If you want to write, keep at it. Look at the stories you enjoy for how the writer crafted the tale. Was it some character? A particular turn of phrase you found enjoyable?

A recommendation. Many people read a couple of stories, get the bug, and then post. I often check to see what other writers like. I check their favorites, what stories they liked. It helps give me a sense of what they enjoyed reading. In this way, I have stumbled across some good tales that I would not otherwise have read. I love to read, and so do many writers. But, I have to be careful; if a tale is long, I pick up on that style and write that way. I prefer to use my own style.

Character motivations:

Natalia seems conflicted. She wants to get away, but the presence of the ten-inch dick - combined with her prolonged celibacy - makes her wet. Argon also seems conflicted. At first, he seems to want to punish her for killing the worm-slug? Anyway, he is very aggressive, and carries her off to his cave, err, mountain-top, isolating her from the rest of the exploration team. But then he is oddly remorseful when she is injured. He is surprisingly willing to poke this alien female when she finally offers her goods. The females of Argon's species might be ... giant slugs with orifices ... ? Or the slugs might be the "child" stage of the flying angels? Natalia is an idiot for taking his seed into any orifice, as she has NO idea about the life cycle of the natives. The angel might actually be female, shooting millions of little eggs, like clams on the beach, into Natalia's body ... ? And the pupae might eat the host for food.

Final notes:

I started this list because so much at the beginning begged for feedback. At this point, I have finished the story. The only part of the long introduction is that Natalia is in the army and she's had to be celibate for several years. None of the other narrative prelude seemed to have any impact on Natalia. What lack of work or food why she joined up? Was just bored? When you introduce something, it should have a purpose.

On the overall story outline.

Maybe just begin the story from the patrol on the beach, with Natalia and Ron, exploring the shore, using maybe a paragraph or two as intro? The main gist of the story seems to be putting Argon and Natalia together for the rough sex. Because of the plot holes with the beginning, the lead-in becomes a liability, and doesn't do anything other than say why Natalia's there. She could just be helping with a planetary survey, and that's enough of a reason for her to be on the alien world where she is roughly fucked. Just a suggestion.

If you are going to follow up, I'd suggest more explanation about Argon's abilities - what is his relationship to the big worm on the shore; it did kill Ron, someone she worked beside and presumably someone Natalia cared for, even if just as a comrade in arms.

Argon keeps taking off her clothes, but is it just curiosity? How did he know how to speak English? What is the big bird that snatched her? If this is a one-off story, you can skip answering those questions, but answering them provides grist for the setting and can help foster the "otherness" of the story.

I'm tempted to give it four stars, but with the issues, I think it deserves only three as it is now. But, I don't want to ding your score further, so no rating at this point. You can edit the story, rework it, and re-post. Keep writing! Good luck!

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