All Comments on 'Orc Dominion: Elfin Descent Ch. 17'

After the last chapter and with the preview on the blog I was actually excited for this chapter, but looks like I wasnt done being disappointed. Lame bedding scene followed up with a less than stellar and predictable wrap up. I expected her to seize something and have some saving grace as a character instead she simply ends up as Jennette from the alternative ending.

Loved every chapter up until the pony play then this story started failing completely with pacing, believability, and maintaining a likeable main character. To think she was my favorite so far when this all started.

While it was a bit too short it wasn't all that bad. I suppose addendum could have been a bit longer, wedding scene too. As for series overall, I'm still conflicted a bit, I really liked Sylvia together with Twins and Trogar, I found then more engaging then Rebellion, while Lyriena's plot was not all that all interesting overall, less livid.

Hurray! I'm just happy that Elfin Descent is over and you can move on to greater projects. I'm excited to see the lessons that you learned implemented in your next stories. I'm excited to read them ^_^

-However, as with NAME-

May I ask who NAME is supposed to be?

Sexinati,

Whoops, that was supposed to be Frerwin, the cruel brother from the codex entry. I put a placeholder in until I could look up the name but forgot to replace it.

-Whoops, that was supposed to be Frerwin, the cruel brother from the codex entry. I put a placeholder in until I could look up the name but forgot to replace it.-

Well, you're not the first person to do that... :P

I've done it once myself.

NAME is the most egregious, but there are a few on pg 1 as well.

Also, plotwise:

-"Another" child makes little sense with no mention of the first one

-STILL NO RIMJOB

Ugh, Literotica is really bad at updating existing stories. I just submitted the change to NAME it took a week to get approved and then it didn't even fix it.

There was supposed to be a child already, I jist didn't devote a lot of time to it for reasons. That line was left in for timeline purposes.

Somehow, I feel as though Augras isn't going to like Soleil.

I've since re-read this chapter and picked up on the bit 'Worse or so say those with Trogar's confidence'... and given that Soleil has power over staff + spies (Not to mention responsible for whoring out his mother)... depending on Augras's characterization, He's likely going to be opposed to Soleil. As to whether it ends in sexy-times or just plain old 'hangin'... well I guess I'll have to read your new story to find out, if it even shows up.

Just letting you know my thoughts on your story. This prediction is probably far fetched, but you never know.

After finishing the story, here's how I feel: I'm slightly depressed.

At the end, Lyriena had lost everything. Her father is disappointed in her for disgracing the family name. Her subjects despised her for her fall from grace, and are completely ignorant of what she had done to try to save them. From the sounds of it, she is also cut off from all her friends, if she even has any friends left willing to associate themselves with her. The castle staffs are managed by someone who dislikes her. From the story I can hardly feel any love from Trogar to Lyriena, it feels more as if he only sees her as a tool to gain a title, and produce an heir. The only one who seems neutral towards her is Florette. It'd be nice to have someone she could lend her a shoulder to cry.

I just feel like at the end she has nothing left for her. No one to listen to her when she wants to lay it all out. At least with Jeanette, her husband loves her, there are still people in her life that support her, and her subjects all love her still. With Lyriena, she has no one. If I were Lyriena, I'd probably fall into depression and unable to function just because how alone I feel, and ends up crying myself to sleep at night. Maybe the birth of her sons and daughters will bring some happiness into her life?

That being said, the story is fantastically kinky for me. You have no idea how much it turned me on as I imagined myself in Lyriena's place. This is totally my cup of tea and I'd absolutely love to see more story with Lyriena.

This was just depressing.

Yeah, it is. I normally don't like endings like this myself, also finding them depressing. And this is the 'light' version that ultimately came about! Jeanette's story was supposed to end like this as well, but I liked the character too much to do that to her.

Honestly, I thought the story was rather realistic.

In far too many tales, the author's create a blissful happy ending where the heroine comes out on top and everything is peaches and cream. That's not reality, though. Even if the Princess had won the day, she'd still be forever changed by her experience. Bad things happen to good people. They adapt and try to survive, but they always bear the scars. I imagine that she might have gained her freedom, but still had a penchant for debauchery that she couldn't control.

Where I think the story went wrong was at the end. The last chapter or two seemed to be rushed, jumping from one arc to the next, and none of them getting properly fleshed out. For example, we really needed to see more of the Princess' reaction to being handed over to her Mistress. The bedding scene wasn't very erotic, especially compared to the deflowering scene, and it seemed implied that the real heat was going to happen when the Princess was introduced to her new power dynamic. I fully expected to see the Mistress actually brand the Princess with her sigil.

To go from the bedding scene to several months down the road, with the queen waking up in a cage made of gold, and the readers with no idea how that all came about... ugh. That was the hottest part of the story!

Of course, the alternate ending to Jennette's story was too rough and unrealistic. I wouldn't wanted to see that repeated here. It was still enjoyable tale overall.

This was a really enjoyable read. The element of humiliation added a lot to this story and gave it a unique feel.

There's something about the way you write that the sex just happens to these women. It's this perfect combination of their lust and the manipulative orcs.

It was also great in this story to see Queen Jeanette still going strong. And it's awesome that this generation of orcs were spawned by her. Her fall was really the beginning of the fall of the entire world to the orcs.

Please write another, I 5 star all of your stories :)

Read Triumph if you haven't, it is the next in the series!

My 2 cents

Excellent story! I couldn't stop reading. Thanks for your time and your imagination.