All Comments on 'Orc Dominion: Rebellion Ch. 12'

Well my friend I have been waiting patiently for this instalment and my patience has been rewarded. The battle scene was nicely drawn out with just enough tension and suspense. The two sex scenes were good (not your best) and added nicely to the storyline. We now are pretty sure that Jeanette is pregnant with her lovers child and I for one couldn't be happier. Turogg has not been heard from and that too sits well with me, always love a good impregnation story from a lover or a friend, so thumbs up here.

Thanks for not only this story, but for the whole storyline that you created so far. Personally I feel like this is the best and most interesting erotic storyline that I've seen for at least 10 years.

But to be honest, I preferred the first season over what I’ve reading in the second season so far. I for sure noticed the explanation that you wrote after you finished the first season and I understand that you wanted to change things for the future. But I think that by bringing to many characters into the game a few chapters turned out to be a little bit boring.

Personally I would like to see you bringing the focus back on Jeanette. She is an incredible character and I see a lot of untapped potential regarding her. So maybe you might be interested in some of my ideas. If not, please ignore them. ;-)

First of all I think that a new faction should come into the game. They should be even bigger than orcs, especially regarding their most important parts and they should be something really savage. Jeanette will immediately fall in with them, most of all because they are even more brutish than the orcs and because they know to use their tools very well. Unfortunately no (human) woman could so far survive their treatment. Jeanette is fascinated by the idea to be the first and only one to achieve that goal. During a banquet with hundreds of guest she finally gets her chance. She does the king of the new faction in front of everyone and survives. It turns out that because she did it with him, she has to take care of every one of his ministers too. All ministers do her right there, still in front of everyone. The thing lasts for hours and she survives again. It becomes clear that she can do it again and again. This gives her power over the new faction, because they all want to please her. She likes her powerful position and wants to get rid of Turogg to be together with her new friends. Because of this she kills Turogg. From here on everything is possible.

As I said, these are just some ideas.

Syd,

Thanks for the feedback. To be honest, the sex scenes for this chapter were hard to write. Everything else I managed in a week, but it took forever to get the drive to write them. I am going to talk about it more in the afterward, but for this story I was more interested in the plot than the sex. I was never really inspired by the sex scenes, but included them more for fan service. The next story in the series will hopefully be different, as I am more excited to write those scenes.

Anon,

Thanks for the ideas. While the story is going to move away from Jeanette, I am eventually going to include minotaurs and centaurs, which you should enjoy. In the meantime, the next story will have sort of the reverse of what you're looking for. Instead of huge monsters with big dicks, it is going to be a tiny elf woman dealing with large orc cock.

I think this was definitely one of the better chapters.

The Kat/Gorath/Jeannette scene is very vanilla which was well done. I wasn't necessarily too into it but thought it was well written anyways. I just like more unique situational kinkiness a bit more. :)

The battle I thought was amazing. It did feel suspenseful and back and forth. Usually I;m not here for this kind of stuff but I was still thoroughly entertained. There was a moment where I thought real harm could come to Jeannette which is great. I did find the early part of the bridge battle a little funny. Battles are always full of surprises.

Another great aspect I really liked was Jeannette blossoming to a deviously sexy war queen. She definitely feels less vanilla than in previous chapters. I really enjoyed her forwardness and really wanted to know how far she would take things. Personally, I hoped the chapter would have kept going on with the unreasonable demands aspects. It's usually my favorite part when the conqueror collects their spoils. I am very curious and looking forward to how the queen will rule her queendom(?) now that Turogg seems out of the picture. I want to see what the new orc/human political dynamics will be now that one of the main human rivals have been subdued. Really curious what is the fate of Cindy now as well. :)

Overall, seriously thanks for continuing writing this series. I think it is great and I feel the quality has gone up with your longer breaks. Thank you for writing this amazing tale. Always looking forward to what is next.

Just wanted to add a comment to your last post. There comes a time when you have to decide what type of story you're going to write. In this case the 'Format' is erotica over Sci-Fi as that is the nature of this website. That being said, the difficulty becomes one of balance. I find two things tend to happen; the first is the author is able to write a fairly decent sex scene, with plenty of good graphic information, that both entices and arouses, however this usually comes at the expense of the story and character development. We the readers are intrigued but not committed, that is we move on quickly to the next bit of dazzle that comes along. The second is that the author has a decent story with compelling characters but the sex is brief, blan, and frankly more of a turn off than a turn on.

Balance means more writing. Good story, good characters, good involved plots require room and this means more pages. More pages means longer stories, which in turn mean greater time writing. Writers, write it's what they do. Here within these pages are mostly amateurs and hacks (like myself). We write as hobbiest more than as craftsman. If you are going to develop these stories into something more than you will have to go beyond the two or three page posts you have here and submit seven or ten page posts. The difficult part of that for the layperson to understand is that requires 20 or 30 pages of actual writing, which is hard to produce as a hobbiest. Simply put we have other lives that pay the bills and the people here are reading for free. The authors here get nothing for their time and commitment.

You my friend are at the cusp of what it is you want to do. You have developed a mild following who have enjoyed your story. They are only marginally committed and I'm not sure if they'd pay for what you are currently producing. The stories need more depth and detail which will take time to write. It's not as though you haven't delivered, in fact on many levels you have. But if your intent is to move from the hobbiest to the writer, you need to write more. You need to broaden the page and explore the dead ends as well as the blatant paths. Some of what you write will be crap (don't get rid of it) and some of what you write will go no where (don't get rid of it) but some will be good and valued. Keep it all, review it, rewrite it, make it stronger and better. Add to it, take away from it, but build the story. If you're going to write, than write.

Your Audience Awaits

Bladeness,

Thanks for leaving a comment. Don't worry, there will definitely be more spoils getting divided up next chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed the battle. I was curious if people would enjoy the rapid back and forth or find it jarring.

Also, I don't mean to hype the next story too much, but it will have a ton of situational kink, at least if I am understanding the term correctly.

Syd,

I know you like longer chapters but I tend to look at it from a series perspective. The totality of zentara was 93,000 words, which is a good sized novel. Rebellion will be 80,000+.

Individual chapters are anywhere from 5000-10000, with an average of 7000 which is about wat George r.r. Martin manages. Just for frame of reference, this chapter was 10,500 words long.

The issue which I eventually realized was that splitting a chapter between three characters really does eat into character and plot development.

The primary issue I need to work on for the next story is characterization. Going into writing, I thought characterization meant a unique voice, a personality, and interesting things happening. Looking back, there are some things I botched with the Jeanette/kat/for relationship that I will talk more about later.

But for the next story there will be much more deliberate chapter arcs which I think will make the characters more relatable, get the reader more invested, and make the debauchery that much more delicious!

I do appreciate all the feedback though, and I do think about it even if I don't always agree.

I really like the developement of Jeanette. She has become tougher and is more in control than in your first stories. She is a true ruler now. However, I would like to see her losing control once in a while (at least in the bedroom). Her recent sex scenes have been vanilla. I would like to see some kinkier scenes again. I would also like to see a good exit for Turrog. He should have a glorious death. Altough many readers do not like him, I think he was very important for Jeaette´s developement From my point of view Jeanette is such a strong character that she does not need a co-lead in your stories, but good supporting characters like Kat and Gorath. I think her first son has great potential. I would also love to see Jeanette as a MILF in a third series..

Thanks for the comment anon. There will be one last kinky scene between Jeanette and turogg in the next chapter, but alas he is going to die off screen between the second and third stories.

However, we will get to see Jeanette as a MILF in the third story. However, I'm not sure how well a sex scene would fit in the story as I am planning it.

What I may do is create a third series, similar to Soiled Dove but set after turogg is dead which gets into her sexual exploits as queen. Is that something people will be interested in?

I will ask again when I write the afterward and as I submit the next story.

Initially I didn't really go for the long battle scene, but after reading through it a second time I actually liked how you played the different characters in and out of the battle.

With regards to the sex scenes the first one got Jeanette back in the action after a break in the last 2 chapters which was good. The second sex scene started on a good build-up, but then seemed rushed at the very end with Jeanette going through the motions quickly without getting any pleasure which made it end on a flat note for me. I would rather have seen Jeanette exert a more dominatrix role over the young king and use him as her sex slave to pleasure her in any way, to worship her, in order for her to confirm her control.

Thumbs up though overall. And another thumbs up vote for Jeanette as a milf and for a series of stories on her sexual exploits.

Do you think a maturing Agmar would ever look on his mother with a sexual eye? Stepping in to fill Turrog's role after spying on her having sex with Turrog?

Thanks for the feedback. I made a deliberate choice yo have Jeanette be more manipulative than wanton in the sex scene with Garrett. I can see where that might make it a little less sexy, but I thought it was better for the character. I will consider your point in the future though.

I also didn't have her domme him too hard because making him a sex slave over the course of one scene seemed a little unrealistic.

As for Agmar, I have plans for him. I don't know that I would have him with Jeanette in the main series, but I might do something like that in the mild side story (I am thinking of calling it Queen's Castle). Though in my imagination Jeanette is having an orgy, things get out of hand, and Agmar gets involved. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess!

Would be hot, but of course Garrett would probably find Jeanette too much to handle. May help to flesh out Garrett more as a character if that relationship was explored. Cuckolding scenes possible...?

Anon,

That might work as a Queen's Castle story. It could shed some light on the fall of Heste and be some fun scenes with a milf Jeanette. I will think about it!

What will happen when Jeanette finds out that Turogg is dead? Further, Jeanette's years of sex and campaigning (not to mention giving birth to Agmar, and any children that may come out of her relationship with Garrett) must have taken a serious toll on her body and her health. While still undoubtedly the crazy whore queen and insanely attractive, surely she'd be forced to slow down by the physical constraints of her aging? It's been what, nine years in story time? Things change fast in the human body.

Maybe it's my fault for saying too much in comments, but people seem confused, so let me clarify.

At the end of this story, Orc Dominion: Rebellion, Turogg will be alive.

At the beginning of the next story, Orc Dominion: Elfish Descent, which takes place approximately 10 years later, Turogg will be dead.

Jeanette is now 28 years old. She currently has seven children, including Agmar. That did take a toll on her body, but with the physical activity of being on campaign she's gotten leaner and harder. The whole war has lasted about 7 months. Half-Orc pregnancies are faster than human pregnancies.

In the next story she'll be 38, and the years will have taken more of a toll on her body. I'll definitely be keeping her a MILF though, even if it isn't totally realistic given the number of pregnancies she's had!

However, the story will mostly focus on Lyriena, Princess of the Elfish Isles, and Trogar, Prince of Zentara (and third son of Jeanette).

I'm currently writing the 13th and last chapter of Rebellion. I'm about 75% of the way done. I hope to have it finished by the end of next week. I am hung up on a point though, and would like to get some opinions...so if you don't mind spoilers, email me through the feedback button (Be sure to include your own email so I can respond).

As always, thanks for leaving comments and taking an interest in my story!

Jeanette seems to be set on having Garrett's kid, so what's in store for Heste after the Kingdoms merge? Surely the Hesten commanders, having done their best and performed admirably in the field, are pissed that they were "stabbed in the back" through Jeanette's manipulation of Garrett. Are we going to see an Adolf Hitler-like figure rise to prominence in the next story? Will it trigger a World War II type scenario where the entire continent is laid waste?