All Comments on 'Ordinary Heroes'

But 2 lengthy

Stories are never too short or too long when they are the length needed to tell the story. This was just perfect.

My only complaint is that this was your first story. I am looking forward to reading many more. Get busy you have a real talent

Too wordy, could have been done in half the pages, I got bored by the end of page one.

...but the grammatical errors and lack of proofreading made it difficult to enjoy.

Very nice story

Although, riddled with errors necessitating a serious editing;this was a really good story. I don't like sad endings. This however had an uplifting magic.

God this story was so touching. I have a great love for the fire service they risk their lives everyday to keep us save. There were some errors with missing letters here and there but still a great read.

What more can i say. Great story

I enjoyed the story very much but had to almost speed read to be able to follow the story line because of extra words and mixed up pronouns. Spend the time to read your story after you write it.

It was a nice try, with a decent enough plot. If you'd done as much research on broken ribs as Ian did on critical care nurses, it might've been more believable. I've had rib issues enormously less severe than he did, and I can assure you that he would have known there was a problem long before he was forced to go to the doctor. And even in the insurance-driven US, a doc wouldn't send someone home with a partially collapsed lung. To make matters worse, just a few days later you have him carrying Maureen into the bedroom when he shouldn't have been recovered enough to change his own sheets. I kept reading to see if it got better, and it did, but not enough better to overcome that. There were several instances where "show, don't tell" would apply, and some of the dialog is a tad -Movie-Of-The-Week sappy, in addition to the proofreading errors and such mentioned by others. You've got some potential, but a long way to go yet. Keep working at it.

I for one am not a grammar nazi, I don't see what they found so disturbing that they had to comment on. I found this submission to be a very enjoyable, soulful read. thank you for sharing this,

It was a good story but lacked something big.

It just went along never rising or falling

I agree. Great story. It's F 'Aviation' A. But who cares. Heartbreaker. Tue to life though. Especially among aviation folk. 'The Air is even more unforgiving than the Sea'........................

Not Even Done Reading. But I Can Tell You That E. Coli Isn't A Virus. It's A Bacteria. Tip: Dont Go Into Specifics If You're Not Familiar With The Subject Matter.

there were some errors, some jump right out at you others don't

-----what jerks my chain is when people critique without offering solutions

here is an old proofreader's trick. Read the article story whatever backwards

that allows you to focus on the issue at hand, the brain is kinda lazy that way it knows what it wrote and will not can not find or focus well enough to find errors in its own work

well written interesting & engaging plot

entertaining & intriuging protagonists .

xxxhugsxxx

p.s

to the Numpty idiot Anon comment that is two previous to this comment.

for a prat that did not finish the story , you need to read what is written , not what you imagine .

i went back and checked , the Only time E. coli is mentioned , it is preceeded by the word BACTERIA .. at no point does the Author call it a virus ...

Truly enjoyed this story although I wish it didn't have such a sad, heart-wrenching ending. I thought the flow of the story was well paced and the dialogue between and among the main characters was very natural. There were a number of typos and grammar errors but not enough to detract from the story. I know its hard to edit your own work as I've found errors in my own writings even though I gone over them 5 or 6 times.

The only area that seemed out of place was Ian's broken rib. I've had fractured ribs and, even with intense therapy, they've taken 6 or 8 weeks to heal. So how Ian and Maureen could make such passionate love, especially the part where she rides him cowgirl style and then collapses on his chest, is hard to believe possible without Ian having intense pain. That said, I ignored the broken rib scenario and enjoyed the copulation scenarios, especially Maureen luring Ian into playing a mild BDSM role.

Hope you continue writing.

Good story-line and content. Flowing dialog without too many bumps or potholes. It will become a favorite for several reasons, but most importantly I have been where they were; plus I am a Washingtonian. :) Keep writing.

The people who fly Air support and tankers as fire fighters are a special breed. Nothing about them is ordinary. Same can be said of critical care nurses. So, kudos on putting the two together to make an interesting story.

I will offer a suggestion. If you are going to write about people in a specific geographic location either be more careful about the details or go very generic. You have him going from the cabin to Spokane for a CT scan in the morning, which is a 2 hour drive, then to Mt Ranier, another 3-4 hours depending on how far into the National Forest you travel, and back to the cabin at least 3 more hours, on the same day. To do the full trip, while stopping off to have the CT scan, would be almost impossible. And, regarding "Spokane being the home of Washington State University" are the folks in Pullman aware of the changes?

Wonderful story.Thank you very much.