All Comments on 'Ostracism Pt. 01'

As much as I'm glad to see you back in action I can't say the same for this story. Sure it has potential and your usual quality writing but the rest is a mystery to me. Characters start out as interesting and real life relatable but as soon as that Thanksgiving rolled around it was all blown apart by their usual college people needs and all that pretence of care and friendship suddenly vanished. Guess the catholic girl isn't immune to jock charms as much as she tells herself she is and by her way of thinking I can't get behind her in anyway. Danny on the other hand is a bit unusual character (only Dave comes close) but kept his virtue 'till the end actually respected her and their friendship a lot more than she did. With all said and done I can't deny that I see where this is all going and how it'll end up for them but I do hope I'm mistaken in that regard.

Unfortunately I can't give it more than a 3* as it is, hopefully the next chapters improve on that.

Good girl? Bad girl, or conflicted?

Good intentions can be risky

She's more messed up that he is. Really. Guilt-ridden rather than courageous.

She becomes his ONE friend. Then solidly friend-zones him. And then wonders why he won't risk the **one** friendly-relationship he has left by asking out someone who has already friend-zoned him.

A response like "He's not my boyfriend, we've only just met several days ago" (something a girl I dated in college said) would have left the door open. She didn't do that.

This is a good first chapter but Mary Margaret confuses me. How can she tell Danny that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him then feel confused and frustrated when he doesn't act when she tries to peak his interest at her dorm.

This isn't up with your best, but it's pretty good. I hope that the rest lives up to it.

I couldn't help noticing that Brandon said, "Then, we can do something after supper, if you'd like." and she interpreted that as "go out somewhere". I think we have some different expectations going.

A problem with this, and it comes in with some of your other stories, is your apparent ignorance of religious people. It's really, really hard for me to imagine someone that age who thinks of herself, repeatedly, as a "good Catholic girl", whose idea of what this means is "I don't sleep with a guy on the first date." Honestly. Lots of people who were raised Catholic, and who if asked would say they're Catholic, might conceivably think that way, but I don't think they think of themselves in religious terms at all.

And for what it's worth, I've known (way too many years ago) two different young women named Mary Margaret. One might have been brought up Catholic - I wouldn't know - but at that time certainly wasn't even nominally religious at all. (She had a twin sister named Margaret Mary.) The other one was definitely Protestant and raised that way.

The skimpy clothes in the dorm room were supposed to give him a clue.

Many of my heroines make the first move, but Mary Margaret isn't that way. She expects the man to make the first move, just like Brandon did.

I love this. He missed his chance, and now she's with a guy I'd totally have feelings for. An ROTC boy with a nice ass and an amazing personality? Yes please!

Enjoyed this story, keep looking for the next chapter, please continue the story.

The POV was too confusing even though you tried to write in 3rd person. It actually skipped back and forth between the girl and him. If you are going to skip around in different peoples thoughts then write it into actual 1st person thinking quotes. Eg He thought, "I really stuffed up with doing gay sex."

Look guy Im not interested in you as a boyfriend or lover

Why isnt the guy I told I wasnt interested in hitting on me?

I know, in order to get the guy I told I wanst interested in him jealous I will make it even MORE clear I have no interest in him by dating others

As the makings of a long drawn out nothing story.