by TotalKnockout
Fuck this story was hot! The exhibitionist element so utterly arousing! The rauchiness,MMMM. The mental picture you painted smearing cum all over Melia's chest and Gavin devouring her, DAMN!! Not really constructive criticism sorry.
I love the second person voice- you use it so elegabtly!
I'm a curvy girl who would love to find somebody to make me their butt slut like Gavin has done with Melia. Keep it up! I would love a long running, multi page series exploring this couple's love and sexuality.
The "and then I blacked out" ending sucked. I was a bit disappointed because the majority of the story was pretty good.
The whole ending was really predictable or cliche if you will.