All Comments on 'Our Final Night Pt. 01'

this is well written, but that's it, in my opinion Abby is acting worse than Lex did and if i was her i would have left and never looked back

This story is semi-fictional, so it is actually based on a true story. My own true story. I've embellished certain parts, left other bits out, but the key points of it are true.

I get it now, i missed reading the part where Lexi wanted Abby to dominate her, i am not a fan of this type of thing, where one girl takes over the other girl completely i can only hope pt 2 is not like this one

All do respect @Jenorma2012 if you don't like stories like this then don't read this story

This story suffers from a bunch of errors that are grammatical, & then there's poor flow & confusion because tne sentence structure is terribly disjointed. You need an editor - need one badly because it's evident you can't self-correct or dependably proofread your story. That's the bad stuff. The good stuff is that you've got lots of talent & tell a great story. This is an incredibly arousing & erotic story of love, betrayal, lust, the need to punish... Really well done. Get yourself a good editor, please. You've got the chops to be one of the masters of this type of prose. 4 stars. I'm tempted to give you 5 but the badly structured narrative really doesn't deserve a "best of class" rating, not without some serious rewriting. But I hope you keep going. It's gonna be nice to see you grow as a wordsmith.

Taylor

You need consider freedom of creativity. Sentence structure is deliberate. I wrote it all up in MS Word, so that pointed out all the errors, which I ignored because they were intentional. The whole point is to convey the emotion, the confusion, and the intensity of the situation. If this were written in the third person then your points may be valid, but it is in the first person so no, I do not need to correct anything. And future additions to the story will be written in exactly the same style, 'cause you know what? Fuck rules, fuck conformity; why stem my creative flow by 'playing by the book?'

Thank you for your praise though. Much appreciated.

P.S. @jenorma. Pt.2 gets much 'worse' than Pt.1, before getting more romantic and less violent.

yes, you are right, but you never know how a story goes until you have read at least the first page, and when i see that it is going that way i do quit reading it, or i just bypass that part of the story

@ to Lexi, thank you for tell me a little about part 2, i just hope there are more parts to come after that

Wow! A little bit of BDSM, a little bit of cheating, and a lot of hot & potential. I'm holding out hope that after this stint that turns Lexi into a sub, that these two will stay together and Lexi won't have the need to cheat. All the women she thinks she needs is in one, Abby.

Thank you for the (mostly) positive feedback so far. :)

Where's Pt. 02?