All Comments on 'Our Little Secret Ch. 05'

"Joel positioned his solid rocket booster...." Just. STOP. THAT.

The story is interesting but you have little lapses. In an earlier chapter you said he can control girls emotions, eg when he says to believe he is their lover and to respond passionately, and yet he needs KY because they are not aroused. And the girls at the frat party was the first time you mentioned any of the girls having an orgasm. Girls coming hard is sexy.

Here something in real life to give you some ideas... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHlGNMVWWw

I seriously feel like you skipped an entire chapter and an important one at that. The date with Jenny was fine but then he pulls his cell out to let her check it but thinks about some woman whose name has the feeling that we the reader should know. And then there's the three girls being escorted somewhere, 5 million dollars that Joel now has as well as that mall shopping list. Not to mention, when did Paul Granger and Joel get together in the first place and sort out their powers? I got as far as the third page but just couldn't go on because so much is missing. Please fix this.

Bikoukumori - you are referring to Chapter 4. You need to go back and re-read the entire chapter. It is all there.

The story is so inconsistent, Joe goes from being this caring “hero” to despicable sadistic rapist. Even when he decides to have a “moral compass“ he still goes out and dry rapes people, needing lube for regular sex. He could at least tell them that they’re aroused and love to be fucked by him so they naturally lubricate, and maybe get some semblance of enjoyment out of things. I the writing is well done, in the story intriguing enough to continue; I just wish I didn’t have to hold my nose and wait through disgusting parts.