All Comments on 'Ouroboros Ch. 01'

Man o man, what a wonderful and thrilling chapter. Cannot wait for the next one. Keep up the awesome work.

Looking forward to the next one.

Thank you!

Can you please write a bit faster? :) The first chapter is a terrific start and it's hard to wait for the next one.

I quite enjoyed your story. I love it, the enchanted DMV. You captured the flavor of dealing with low level governmental flunkies that enjoy flexing their power over the clients they serve.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Okay so that's a bad joke, but I want more please.

My only complaint is that I found this story in its fledgling stages, and now I'll have to wait for each and every chapter. Well done!

Really looking forward to reading the next chapters .

Nice way of telling, making very curious, more please!

Interesting beginning to what should be a fine story. My only concern is that you are in some cases attempting to use language with which you are clearly not familiar. A minor example is "hermitry"-- the word is 'hermitage'. More significant is your attempting to write in Elizabethan English. You misused the second person singular form of both verbs and pronouns, making it sound as though neither Boros not Gabrielle actually could speak in that manner. There are also a variety of typos, etc. (as is often the case on this site!) that an editor could fix for you easily. Clear those problems up and the story will be five star all the way.

It'll be interesting to see how your writing changes as the story progresses. Do you take criticism well? Constructive or not there will be plenty on this site. Good luck and may your pen forever flow with ink ;)

A fine start. Elizabethen English seemed a little twisty but as far as a knowledge base that one seems very arcane to me. Editors are good but hard to find before you get some recognition. More,more,more!!!