All Comments on 'Out of the Blue'

Thanks for sharing.

First it says it's a long story but there's no chapter heading. Then it's only two pages and there is nothing at the end to indicate the story continues. I'm going to wait before scoring this.If the story continues I will score it for what it's worth. If it doesn't continue I'm coming back to and giving it a 1.

I'm not really sure as to exactly WHY, but for some inexplicable reason your writing style is "different", and I mean that in a good way! Keep this up with the next couple of chapters and you'll have on hell of a high scoring debut. Oh, but how the heck could Paul drive a CTS-V and be lusting after a 2012 'Stang (and I have one, Kona Blue, 5.0, lowered, chipped...)??? Sorry to read of your accident - been there, done that. Probably not as bad as you, but a bunch of months of painful PT (bunch of sadists those guys with their "let's try for another 5 degrees on the ROM dial", but really they DO have your best interests at heart, painful as it is!). Wishing you a speedy recovery (or NOT if that's gonna keep you from writing more...).

Meant to say LW "debut", I know this isn't your first story but LW is different, always seems WAY more controversial and a much tougher audience. But I see I was wrong about that too. Didn't notice your other LW story until just now. Hope this one gets you higher scores. Promising so far...

Whilst is not something an American would say... ever.

When she finished smoking she threw the cylinder away? Gee, is that even British for butt? She threw the butt away, not a cylinder.

Oh, and the endless song titles... enough already. A few establishes a character's coolness while (not whilst) too many make it look like he's trying too hard.

The thing with the female cop changed direction a bit too fast to be believed.

That's it. I gave you a 4 and I assume there's more to come.

The man was a fucking moron. No ending.

Ok , here we go, terrunt , I've never ran across your works before, and I'm a huge ( spoken in Donald Trump's voice) LW fan. So I do what I normally do when faced with a new author. First I skip to the end and read the story tags , and the similar story section.

Time out , I'm gonna rant for a second, please excuse me.

( Literotica , what in the Holy Hell has happened to the similar stories guidelines that I used to use to use religiously in determining if I wanted to read a story in question ? In the last few weeks, months , whenever , they have went to crap ! Seriously , go back 12 months ago and check it out for yourself !)

Sorry author , I had to get that off my chest.

So I checked out the story tags, looked good. The similar story section , well you get my current feelings on that, right. So lastly , I will go to the bio and , my little secret , look at the authors favorite's list. This can be more telling than any other indicator that I have found so far. ( authors who do not have any favorites , this is a deal breaker in my opinion)

So I see Rehnquist (the best ever) , Long Horn 07 ( almost as good) , Saxon-Hart (great LW author) , StangStar06 (legend) , and several more of my favorites. So this is a can't miss !

Well , got some potential , but this one didn't cut it.

Biggest problem in my opinion , you made a Frankenstein story. first half LW (with a pretty good storyline in the works) , and then you turned it into a Romance story. Actually , both would have been OK separated , but put together, just didn't work.

3*'s

this needs more --lots more 3* nearly 4* he needs to get his shit together and get some answers

3*

I'll assume that this was intended as "chapter 1", although if so, you should have indicated that more would follow. But this is not a good start. The main character seems to be a loose cannon, constantly engaging in some kind of stupid, irrational, self-destructive, compulsive, annoying behavior, like getting drunk or smoking. He certainly does not seem to be very intelligent. What kind of idiot, immediately after receiving divorce papers, would run straight to the wife, kick the door down, and put his fist through a wall? What more could her lawyer hope for? The endless references to bands and song titles and lyrics were just annoying. And perhaps worst of all was the Jekyll and Hyde personality swing of the female cop, who goes from man-hating, ball busting bitch, to doe-eyed slut, practically humping his leg and begging him for sex, in a matter of hours, for no apparent reason. If you continue, I suggest you cut out the crap (which was 90% of this), and get on with telling a believable, interesting story about what the wife has been up to, why she thinks the husband cheated, including some good dialog between them, and explain what the husband's feelings are. And I would prefer to never hear about the female cop again, or anymore songs.

There was no "to be continued" or "Ch1" attached to the title. As a result, I can't score this fragment very high. I knocked off one point for what could have been a 5.

First of all I'm hoping this is either a non labeled chapter 1 or Lit screwed up again and not all of the story got posted as having a "long story" comment by the author and only 2 pages with no "The End" or To be Continued" just seems really odd!

Taking a there is more to come approach, this chapter was pretty good for the most part getting as we get a lot of interesting plot across in the first page of the story. Sadly, page 2 kinda goes off the rails and starts to ramble with song lyric fluff and two major personality changes in both the main character, his wife and the female cop.

Hubby is one minute all set to file for divorce but a good fucking stops that in its tracks? Wifey suddenly has him served after things start to take a turn for the better and after admitting her business is deeply dependent on his money? The cop going from ballbusting bitch to fawning all over him! When a stories characters suddenly change personalities so much so soon, its just a sign of poor writing.

2* and that is being nice.

and total unreadable two pages of.. nothing.

pretty good start but it seems to be kind of all over the place in the beginning. first she doesn't seem to want to be around him then she is all over him then gives him divorce papers. but also he seems to be really confused on what he wants. looks for divorce papers on her but then drops the whole thing. i think he needs to look at what she might be doing as she says he is cheating and so far in the story there is no mentioning of it by him. hope to see the next one soon

A good start. Not perfect but then again what is? Unlike others I have no problems with the song references, and can even understand why the arrest evaporated. The time interval between his being served and his showing up at the house would mean his wife had no proof he had been served to hand, as well as no restraining order so no breaking and entering. Hitting the wall rather than the wife does away with the assault charge, unless you have an over zealous prosecutor who doesn't care that a halfway decent lawyer will win, as long as the wife doesn't have so much as a slight bruise to show she was actually hit.

As for the cop? Given the way it was written it would seem that the female cop did a bit of looking into the situation and found the wife to be less than deserving of her support.

On the downside yes the author should have spent more time writing about just how things happened so the husband got released. And more time showing how the cop came to change her opinion of the husband. Still, it's just a story and if the author is more interested in presenting a highlights version of a story rather than a detailed step by step one that is his prerogative. I'm not sure but he intends to do some of that in further postings, he might or might not. I gave it five stars because it was a decent start. I hope that the next installment shows up soon.

I agree with @Whackdoodle...The changes in the story are too fast to be plausible... She understands that her business is flat broken and divorces him? Let's see what the following parts will bring...2* for now

needs a second chapter to where she comes back to him and ask him to take her back

Take note of some advices. But I know how hard it is to write a story and give you a 5* and a nice pat in the back. Hope the chapter 2 wrap-up some things.

You mentioned in the opening that it was long but, I think you failed to mention that it would be in multiple installments?

Being brought to an abrupt halt in the story without information before or at the end of chapter/section left me wondering; is that it? Is this meant to be an incomplete story? A little indication; i.e. "Out of the Blue Ch. 1" would've been nice to know.

3 stars.... please add continued for future chapters would increase score

How I Met Your Mother? Never watched it. Heard it was funny to some. Apropos to the story, so what? What did it add? Nothing.

“Layla was a girl I knew way back in college…Anyway, Layla was one of my best friends back in high school. I met her through a college party, as you'd expect,” Uhhhhh.

“I heard the metallic slide and click that could only signal one thing.”

What American LEO carries a semi-auto withOUT a round already in the chamber?

“she pointed to a container of coffee on the table. I poured some into a Styrofoam container.” A container of hot liquid a suspect could throw at an officer. Did you smoke a fat one before typing this?

I’m not even even going to broach the whole female law enforcement officer hits on suspect thing. After all, that’s the premise of this debacle.

This is purely an aside but, “I threw the transmission into neutral and killed the motor.” You park with your manual in neutral????

1*

I'm liking the story, and looking forward to more. A great lift off...

Full of possibilities but I do not have the slightest idea where you are going! With respect to quick turning I went back to check if I missed anything but it left me wondering if you forgot to post some of the pages! Red herrings have to be super attractive to expend space in a short story! The worse part is that you had me expecting lots of pages posted. Oh well, I will ride with you a few more pages.

It is a serious breach of good authorial manners to put out the first section of a multi-part story without putting "Part 1" in the title.

Drinking with and dating an arrestee would subject an officer to discipline. This setup is preposterous. As Truman Capote said about "On the Road", this isn't writing it's just typing.

Pretty much everything is yet to be determined. Frankly I doubt the author can pull this off, but if he does , then he'll be a fresh new voice and contender to be in the elevated tier of Loving Wives authors.

terrunt seems to have no fear of introducing red herrings and stray subplots with matching supporting characters. That's a lot of loose ends to keep track of and neatly tie up as narrative ends. Well time and TMZ will tell. We're waiting. Color me dubious but hopeful.

Let's see where it goes, but I do like your taste in music.

You've got me interested. Way better than anything that cunt Javmore ever wrote. Don't know why your score isn't better. I gave you a five.

Why tell readers you have a long story coming then tease with just two pages in the first segment with no label part one or chapter one? Poor way to grab most reader's attention. Willing to ride the trail for awhile & hope the next segments aren't so short. But my attention span may cut me out if this style persists.

WS

Two pages is NOT long. If this is just the start and care so little about your own story you couldn't be bothered to warn this was only chapter 1 before opening the story, even worse.

Good opening chapter from a short story that was suppose to be long version !

Is there a chapter 2 ! ?

It'll be good, I am sure.

....shaping up to be a truly engaging story.

I'm sorry to hear about your injuries and the long and difficult recovery that accompanies them. I hope for a quick and thorough recovery....and don't hesitate to call you PT any name that suits in the moment. I swear, they are trained in advance torture!

So....I'm going to ignore for now, the decidedly British spellings and word forms (e.g., whilst) that would be unlikely in someone that had spent a significant number of years stateside (at least such is the case with my British expat friends). I'm doing this, because you haven't really described the locale as American, or Canadian or any "an", specifically.

But you might put more effort into Websterizing, if you would have us believe this story takes place stateside.

Beyond that, I'm nearly dazzled by the way you've engaged us with a small cast of characters that seem like people we know and work with and call friends. Even the thus far nearly mute Clair, seems a likable lady anyone would enjoy working beside.

I totally do not understand wifey. The best I can figure, she's been fucking a client or someone she "bumped into" or an old flame and is taking the offensive to hide her guilt and potential loss under the terms of their pre-nup.

Um, not long so far....and looking forward to the next and following installments that will make it long. This feels like a story in which we can fully enjoy getting involved.

Thank you.

Start of a good story, looking forward to next installment. xoxoxo Annetter

Too many inconsistencies, misdirections and implausibilities.

It reads like a music playlist and a bar shot menu.

US cars.

UK spelling and word usage.

does anyone have any idea what the fuck is going on?

Why were the cops at his house so soon?

why did he fuck his crazy withdrawn wife just because she apologized and wife said she need some cock?

You need to do some better proof reading or get an editor. Your technical writing isn't good and while that usually doesn't matter, in this case it did. There were parts of the story that made no sense, parts where you had the wrong names (Pretty sure Jenny was his wife, not April, is just one example). I assume that this is Chapter one. If not, then this is a real failure. If it is (you mentioned this was a long story but 2 pages is less than average) you really need to clear some things up. And eliminate some of the unnecessary extras. Why mention the previous girlfriend that passed by in a car? I can't imagine a female Police Officer coming to see him when she thinks he is a wife beater, despite what he told her. Not a bad story line, you just need to clean up the story.

I want to like this story, but it is all over the place:

- Some characters introduced that don't seem to matter (e.g. Laura).

- So many women introduced in 2 pages that I am not sure I know the wife's name

- One day the lady cop is "bad cop"; next day she is practically ready to have his kids

- He does all the cooking at the bar, but Ben cooks two days a week

Three stars, mostly because I want to like it. Hope the next chapter improves.

Pls read this sober and see just how scattered and convoluted this is. Where is the resolution? What happened to his marital situation? Did he fix the door frame on his house? Why did the wife file for divorce?

a bunch of sissy bitches having hissy fits about the lack of a "To be continued" Geeeez!

Fine start... the objections to the rapidity with which people changed direction can be overcome in the following chapters, and I'm looking forward to it...

Set 'em up!

K76

I read it and felt really hung out to dry and wondering is there is a second chapter if I would read it to try to get some closure or just find something better to do with my time. Frustrated! Don't know if you intended but you left an open ended teaser at best.

You have quite a few characters you talk about but you don't provide any resolution to any that make sense. The story is incomplete with too many sub plots in the wings. You mentioned that Claire took time off to get her marriage in order but never even eluded to its outcome. Did she shoot him and drop him into an old mine shaft. You never mentioned him.

Start your read with the author's preface (if present!) TRunt promises that this is a LONG story. Yeah, I MUCH prefer a CH1 in the title ... among other things it helps the indexing of the story in the Author Page. From a reader's perspective, it allows a reader to delay starting a series until it is complete - especially if the author also admits (yeah, again, in the preface) to having delays. 'To be continued' is polite, also ... but I would rather have this, as is, than NOT have it at all.

Jumps around a bit, and we don't know exactly how the prenup is written, but starting something with your arresting officer is not a wise thing, since Sweetie is suing under THAT auspice!

What he doesn't say is that the author's idea of a 'long' story is a seven pager... written over 4 years (!).

I mean two pages long? Thats short.

His wife filed for divorce and changed the locks. Trouble ensues.

So --- we get no satisfying resolution to the divorce question; no burn the bitch or reconciliation. He starts a new relationship with the cop but we don't know where that will go . . . I'm expecting more.

Hopefully it won't be too long for a chapter 2.

I'm not sure where this (long???) story is going.

Good start. Not sure how long this is going to be I hope it moves a little bit faster in future chapters. Any particular reason why you didn't title it as 'Ch. 1' so we would know this is the first of many?

Interesting so far but it reads/ends like a chapter 01 but is not marked. This isn't even in a JPB type ending!! Hopefully more to come? Writing is good, characters good shows real promise for a good story!

Please keep writing (spicificaly this story) and I will keep reading.

I am hoping that there are several more chapters coming soon.

Good introduction to a story but it needs more development of the wife, deputy and others. I assume that this is the beginning of a longer story (I hope).

no point in voting, as the story is incomplete.

I will wait till its finished and score all

I'm looking forward to an ending.

You should add "Part 1" or something like that so that readers are not disappointed and vote lower because they think your story is a complete one and you have written all you will on it.

Well when I started to read th

Is there like a second paragraph to the story?

Where's the rest of the story?

Guess you ran out of really significant pertinent songs to reference? That sucks.

You made the right decision. So did she.

I liked it but where is the rest?

What I found was a disjointed story about a man whose wife may be cheating but decides to divorce him. There's a weird play list in the middle then the guy falls in log with a cop the day after he is served divorce papers and then what happens? We'll never know because the story just stops. And people are giving this steaming pile of unfinished shit 5 stars?? Really?????

No middle, no ending, just a disjointed preamble.

Unfinished disjointed twaddle with an engaging but stupid protaganist.

Starts well quickly falls apart and goes........

ABSOLUTELY BLOODY NOWHERE? ???????????

DON'T BOTHER.

The title says it all. Unfinished!! What a disappointment!!

to see what has been hiding and is coming, TK U MLJ LV NV

disappointing...That's what your wife said to you every day you dropped your panties and she saw you 3 inch cock!!

This was your last submission after a nearly 5 year drought. Stay in the desert.

I agree with the Anon below. Why are you here? Kindly retire and don't come back. Fuck off

The writer of this story must have failed to post the last page of the story. Because there sure wasn’t any kind of ending in the part he did post. Disappointing. 1 star.

How to turn a possible 5 star story into a 1 star...just don't finish it and leave everybody hanging. I was into the story but I guess I'll never what happened next.

Wtf

Nicely written ... but at best half of a story.

I really didn’t understand most of this story. His wife thought he was cheating, but why? Just her insecurities, or maybe just her guilty conscience? I don’t know because it was never explained, or even alluded to, in the story. And then he hooked up with the cop who arrested him? Yeah, that’s “real life”. No, this story had way too much flaws for me. And WAY too many references to obscure rock songs.

There’s going to be another part, right? I was just getting in to it when it ended

so where is the rest of the story

Pen run out of ink or something?

I gave this a 2, even though what is here is actually good, because without more story and an ending it seems woefully incomplete. Its been 3 years, so I doubt a second part is coming.

Because he knows this is nothing but shit! Not only that he has terrible taste in music too! He can't even remember his wive's name for pete's sake....shit is what this whole piece of crap is all about!

1 Star. Why not finish what could have been S good Story

bat shit crazy, or did she have something on the side? s this was written over three years ago...I guess we will never know.

Needs more for closure. sorry, I can only give you a three.

Just left hanging. Probably what it deserved.

I actually got into this one. Where's the rest?

If you're not smart enough to finish a story then get the hell off Literotica

It appears you just got tired of writing and stopped. Very disappointing. 1*

Maybe that's why he didn't finish the story. he's out screwing his sister

Ugh. Good setup, and then poof.

Shame, shame.

Stupid assholes that can't finish a fucking story

dont care what different songs are on a jukebox.

....and!!!! Wasn't even half a story, complete waste of time

I think the need to finish the story is overrated. I can enjoy a brief moment in time that is well described. We know what happens. The wife gets nothing. That was laid out in the story. He gets away with minimal damage. And he has found someone that interests him, so he'll do fine. It's a good story.

ZEROZEROZERO... totally sucked pissoff excuse of a writer trying to write....

And finish this damn story

A terrible waste of time. Encourage everyone to rate it 1 so the score is so low no one is tempted to waste their time.

I feel the author stole 25 minutes from me.

Not a sufficient resolution. But, up to the end, it was worth reading. The let down was in the lack of a follow through.

If a cop made the move on someone they arrested it is immediate Internal Affairs, but if it is a female cop, it is permanent, instant loss of reputation and career-ending. That is the way it is.

A new land speed record for LW cheated-on MC's acquiring a rebound lover!

A story has a beginning, a middle and an end. this falls way short.

this one really is the worthless writer

Great start. Where's the rest?