All Comments on 'Page Ch. 01'

I like it. You've piqued my curiosity, lol. I'm still waiting on the additional chapters to your other stories, ALL OF THEM. Good job so far. 5*'s.

Love the story so far and hope you continue with more chapters. Hopefully we find out more about Page and her -Story. I think the brother should start working out or something because he's going to need his energy to keep up with an 18 year old nympho like Page. I have no clue where someone could get that kind of cash from unless they robbed a bank or something. Page would have to be a drug king pen to make that kind of money.

Very good story. Interesting and does indeed have me wondering what happens next. Please do continue.

Very well written and presented. Keep it going.....

Great story! Loved the intrigue as the story unfolded. Can't wait for the next chapter :-)

Next chapter please

I am indeed looking forward to the next installment of this story.

Loved it

when awake.

to not recognize her, or respond when she calls him by name, and immediately go back to sleep afterwards is not credible.

I will not make any political jokes because they would be too easy.

Good story so far I hope to read part two very soon

Just "Hmmm"

Waiting for part 2 or 3 to explain why she left and where the money came from.

More please.

Very good story, but it needs a lot more. It stopped way too soon. Why is she there? What happened? Why did she change so much? Where did the money come from?

I need to know what is going on with Page. I have a question though. If there were mainly stacks of hundreds in her bag, how does it equal only $500?

For God's sake....hurry up you two and finish the Page story....sheeeesh!

Great story now were is part 2 ?

really see turns up with a shit load of money but wont tell him anything & really he thinks its a "dream"fucking her

So please finish the story ASAP

Please keep this story going

Really liked the story now finish the story and end this fu**** suspense. And I mean it. It might be a good movie if the last part turns out right. And worry if its a movie the writer gets credit. (if the writer wants) now finish the story.

All but one of us know "stack" means thousands. Even a banded stack of 20s is $500 if memory serves. We all accepted that "500" meant $500,000. Even in DC. Two people can live comfortably on half a million bucks. Perhaps the story should have been illustrated. See little sister put stacks of money on the table and tell big brother, "Don't worry. I've got us covered."

A 100 Dollar Bill weighs about a gram. A stack of 100 is about 3/4 of an inch thick. Half a million dollars in hundreds would weigh about 11 pounds. There were some stacks of 50s and 20s too, so the weight might have been 15 pounds.

i really liked the dream confusion state...

describe the intimacy more...

keep up the good work

This would be perfect for a drama series, so I hope there is more to it! It's the shortest story I've seen from you two, but I found it exciting. I have to echo the fact that the dream scene very erotic and that I'm awaiting continuations on ALL your stories. Thanks for all of the stories.

Absolutely needs more chapters, the way this starts it could be turned into a novel of great interest.

This story is incomprehensible. There is nothing to tell u what is going on even after 2 chapters.

I really do like your other work, like Unwitting Discovery and Unintended Consequences, but my goodness, this is a total mess. Decide on a tense and stick to it. Now, past tense and present tense are mixed randomly, and that means no proper proofreading.

Ever notice that very few stories feature smoking? It's because most people don't smoke and the majority of those that don't find it disgusting. For some (like me) somebody smoking means almost suffocating. It's a total turnoff. You won't lose any audience by the characters not smoking.

Such a short story is difficult to compare to your other work, but when it comes to actual storytelling, again I feel it falls short. This is not comparing it to some abstract personal ideal of mine: it's comparing it to your own work from the past.

All in all, it feels rushed and I think you did yourselves a disservice by publishing it.

Compared to Thanksgivings, this is very different, but quite enjoyable. The story plot and pace are much faster. I really like the smoke pointing towards the likelihood that it was her and not a dream. Hope you continue this.

quit messing around, and finish off your other stories. We are your fans, awaiting.

thanks....your efforts, imagination, and talents are really appreciated.

We are working on them, we promise; we simply don't want to release until we've got them right. We're stuck on a few things and Page is helping us through the blockage.

-MM

and he had not taken Ambien, I hope there is never a home invasion or fire while he is sleeping. Otherwise it is an intriguing start.

This chapter has been updated extensively and we are working on completing chapters 5 & 6. -MM

I usually say something very complimentary for a sterling story like this

Can't be bothered with that now because I'm dying to find out what happens in chapter 2.

Full marks * * * * *

Page Ch.01 is the setup for the rest of the story ... I have just finished going through it and editing it for MindsMirror ... I also went through and read all 33 comments on this chapter and would like to address a couple of them, but won't name the people.

One person said that there should be more details for the intimacy in this chapter, but if there was more detail, then it would lose the dream-like quality that it has.

Another person said that they should pick a tense and stick with it ... well they did ... it is written in present-tense but also has parts in it where Ryan is thinking back on things and goes to past-tense. This is absolutely fine as it is clear when that is happening.

Thank you all for reading MindsMirror's story and hope you all enjoy the series as a whole.

You always have good story lines without going on and on. Also, I like the male-female points of view in your descriptions. The male writer seems a foodie, making me feel guilty of my laziness in prepping good food. I’m excited to read the rest of the chapters.

R

I don't want to rate this yet. I certainly don't want to pull down the overall rating.

im liking this so far......

Republican Bs of the Highest Order. Trump mob would like this.

Dumb shit likes dumb shit.

Jabba the gut:

"Hitler did some good stuff too."

All those soldiers who died in WWII were "suckers" and "loosers."

Your description of the sex they had and the cigarette smoking is a big turn off for me. I won't continue to read. 2*

Name a spy movie that doesn't have at least one scene where someone is smoking... In any case this story isn't about smoking. It's about espionage and an odd couple that end of in the mix.

-MM

Enjoyed the story! One note though: There is a part during their encounter where he refers to her as Page before the actual reveal happens It takes place when he is describing her wetness. Not sure if this is intentional or not.

Must have been a deep, deep sleep

Never sleep like that, l think anyone would know the difference between dreaming you are fucking and fucking in the dark after being taken when asleep. I know l do.

Despite that bit of bullshit, a great start to a great story. Second time around the thought of this tale being continued makes me read it again.

Scores 5/5

Love the mystery, wonder where she got all of the cash. 5/5

Just FYI, during the dream sequence you said Page instead of her or this woman. I think he is not meant to know it is Page yet.

Meh...

Page's decent from being a "good girl" into a "trashy tart" who smokes really ruined the story line for me. I'm surprised that with all of the body piercings that you didn't throw in a bunch of tats as well. And then I read your comment on Legally Sane's opinion and I just shook my head. 😅 WTF does a spy movie have to do with what he said or your storyline either one? That's all that you could come up with as justification?

The story started out extremely well. But just like Wargamer said, this whole thing about being confused over the sex dream is not the least bit believable. If Ryan was extremely fatigued from being awake for 48 hours straight before falling asleep and then Page rapes him in his sleep, maybe that would be plausible. But just an average day? Not a chance. In a real life example that actually happened, I fingered my wife one night around 2am and she slept through it all until a second or two before I made her cum. But once she came, she was wide awake and amazed by what I had successfully done. So no way would Ryan have gone back to sleep.

One last thing before I post this:

"Our parents' divorce had been fairly amenable." I don't think that you used the word 'amenable' correctly here. It should have read, "Our parents were amenable to getting their divorce." However, I think that it was probably a case of choosing the wrong word. 🤔 I believe that you actually wanted to use the word "amicable" instead. 3/5

In ONly 2 pages, this is off to a great start (imo). Very Creative; Very different from other Brother/Sister stories. It has mystery. My curiosity, if for no other reason, will insist i read a bit further. 5🌟

My concern was with her father letting a 16-year-old go to DC alone. And split custody is weird. The siblings barely know each other, which is very sad, but maybe that’s the point.