All Comments on 'Paradise Found Ch. 01'

Poor plot development a grammatical errors make this a tough read. Get an editor.

The lucky fucker

Needs much more than an editor. Cannot tell the differnce between in front of and behind. And that is.only one of many examplesB1A5

has some merit, but definitely not really feeling like much of a "Long story with many chapters" since first chapter out the gate everyone gets in on the sex.

defnitely needs and editor/proofreader, and my biggest point is to watch your tenses. there's parts that slip into present tense; things like 'I am', 'She is', 'i grab my shorts', 'she pulls her bikini off', and such. if this happens while the majority of the story is past tense, it's jarring and makes for a hard read. (not the good kind of 'hard' either)

Hot start. Chapter 2 soon, please.