All Comments on 'Paramedic Pt. 01'

I like this character and am intrigued by his ability. I like that it's rooted in 'the creator' and with the spirituality. It's a bit different than most stories like this. Does Liam know he has any kind of ability?

That was sweet that he did what he did for the Sgt. Trent too. I'm excited to see if he'll meet someone eventually. Will he know his soulmate when he meets him? Will something tell him that the person is his soulmate? any other abilities aside from the ones we saw? lookin forward to more

Superb start, look forward to more!

You have done a magnificent job of creating a character that I find myself attracted to and caring about. Bravo! And as someone interested in shamanism, I am intrigued to discover how that dimension of his life will continued to serve him and others.

Thanks for a wonderful beginning to a story that I am very much looking forward to reading. Tom

I like the character and the story set-up. It could take several paths at this point. The story is easy to read and well-written and I look forward to more.

I like the story so far, and you are very good at character development but you need the aid of an editor, Jared at times has a very stilted manner of speaking, while it may be intentional on your behalf it is off putting to readers. The story is also sprinkled with the occasional misspelled word,address those issues and all will be fine,. By the way I especially enjoyed the part about the cat. Too cute.

Excellent start overall. Just keep track of the several story lines you've created and continue to add to them before you add any additional twists. Otherwise, this story as a whole could easily get away from you. Great job!

I actually did a double take. I live in a poly household, and one of my partners is a Native American shaman-path medic who *loves* snowboarding. For a moment I seriously entertained the notion that he'd written a story and not told me, and I was going to take it out of his hide (complete with bear tat and all). Then I checked your profile and figured out you aren't him. LOL Spooky the way the world works, huh?

You've done a very good job developing the character of Jared. I suspect it's because you have some RL experience in emergency medicine. Writers are always told to write what they know, and in this case, it's served you well. I'd go so far as to say you could be more descriptive, more in depth, and it would be better still.

You tagged this as "spiritual" rather than "paranormal." Perhaps you don't differentiate between the two, but if Jared actually has preternatural abilities as a healer beyond what they taught him at paramedic school, then those powers are paranormal. Either way you could definitely do more to draw out the mystery and suspense of those abilities, give them a less mundane, dare I say, "hammer-and-nail" quality. It's your story so you need to decide what you're going to do with it, but if dude can implant detailed thoughts into a stranger's mind with nothing more than a brief touch of one hand, that's a pretty freaking amazing power. The way it's written it just doesn't come off that way because we don't see anybody *react* to what Jared's done. Maybe we will in later chapters, but there are definite methods for foreshadowing you could use to add some marvel and wonder.

A quick nuts-and-bolts comment. You have some basic grammar, punctuation, and dialogue issues. You'd do really well to find a volunteer editor. If that's not something you want to do, the writer's resources page on Lit has some great stuff. I always recommend to my writers that they read their dialogue out loud. Sometimes what you write on the page looks exactly right until you hear it, and then you realize, that's not how people talk, and you're able to go back and correct whatever was throwing the passage off.

I really enjoyed this. Good job! On to part Two...

intresting .? i almost gave up i though it was a silly vampire story .? good start big j

Loved the introductory chapter where you weaved Jared's special powers with first handling the situation of gay bashing and then on his job. It was enough information of Jared's abilities with a job that involves being the first to come in contact with victims. The thoughts implanted in the Sgt. about God wanting true love between two people.

Looking forward to reading more.

Read this story with a fast voice. Author has a lot of words so just imagine everyone speaks quickly. It's a great story. I'm half through and the Creator is interesting...

I have read this story many times over the years, although the whole toilet scene is a bit TMI. lol