Part 01: Lance - Matters of the Heart

"Shut up," Ronnie shot back.

We laughed at him.

I fix everybody a plate and then I sat and ate with them, since Miranda was still asleep.

Dalton looked at me. "You were right," he said. "There are a lot of things we don't know about you."

"This is good," Billy told me.

"Why, thank you, Sir," I said, using a British accent.

After I finished my breakfast, I got up and began to scramble some more eggs.

"Now what are you doing?" Billy asked me.

"I am fixing Miranda some breakfast," I told him. "I am going to take it to her."

"You are so whipped," Ronnie told me.

I looked at him. "Shut up."

I fixed Miranda a plate that consisted of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and some strawberries, which I knew were her favorites. I put her plate on a television tray and placed a glass of orange juice beside the plate. I looked it over and felt like I was forgetting something. Then, I had an idea. I went out onto the front porch and picked off a red rose from my mother's rose bush. I went back into the kitchen and put the rose on the tray, beside the strawberries.

"I'll be right back."

I picked up the tray and headed back the hallway. When I entered my room, Miranda was still sound asleep. I set the tray on my night stand and watched her sleep for a few minutes. A slight smile was playing on her lips. Was this really happening to me? I wondered. I had known her all my life and it never occurred to me that I could ever fall in love with her. She must have sensed that I was there, because she opened her eyes and looked up at me. She smiled.

"Good morning, Beautiful," I said to her.

She stretched and then sat up and looked at the stray on the night stand. "What is this?"

"Just a little treat."

"Breakfast in bed?"

I nodded and sat on the bed. She reached over and picked up the rose and brought it to her nose. "It is so beautiful," she said and looked into my eyes. "You are so good to me. Why?"

I shrugged. "I could not imagine it being any other way."

I leaned in and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back. She leaned backward, pulling me down on top of her. We undressed each other and I lifted her legs over my shoulders and entered her, in one swift motion. She lifted her hips to meet my thrusts. At the moment of our simultaneous climax, I dropped her legs and covered her mouth with mine, muffling our cries.

When our breathing returned to normal, I lifted myself up and looked down at her. I kissed her nose and then her lips. She smiled up at me.

"I love you so much," I told her. "I hope you don't get tired of hearing that."

"Never," she said. "I love hearing you say that you love me. It gives me something to look forward to. My mother is never home anymore. I hate being alone."

"Well," I said. "I promise you that as long as I am around, you will never be alone again."

"Do you mean that?"

I nodded. "I never make a promise that I cannot keep." I kissed her. "Your food is getting cold."

"Uh-huh."

I chuckled and got up.

"So, what have you got planned for today?" I asked her, while we dressed.

"Raven and I are going shopping," she replied. "I'm supposed to pick her up."

"Sounds exciting."

"I know. Her birthday is Monday. I'm letting her pick out her gift."

"That's nice of you," I told her. "Wish her a happy birthday for me."

"I will."

I sat with her while she ate and when she went to take a shower, I went back out to sit with the guys. Billy had gone home, but the others hung around until I got ready to take Miranda home and then they went home, too.

As usual, Miranda's mother was not home. When I pulled into the driveway, I shut off the engine and went around to open her door. I walked her to her door and took her into my arms. I held her for a few minutes.

"I'd better go change my clothes," Miranda told me. "I'm supposed to pick up Raven at noon."

"Okay," I said, releasing her. "You two have fun and be careful."

"We will," she promised.

She turned and went inside. I got into the Jeep and backed out of the driveway, tapping the horn as I pulled away. I didn't know it then, but that would be the last time that I would ever be that happy.

Later that evening, we were at Billy's house. We had just finished a song when the phone rang. Billy picked up the phone in the garage. He listened for a moment and then turned to me.

"Lance, um, it's the hospital," he said. "Miranda and Raven were in an accident."

"What? Are they okay? Is Miranda okay?" I asked quickly.

He shook his head. "She didn't say."

"Well, let's go," I said, grabbing my keys.

We raced to the hospital in the Jeep. My mind was racing, expecting the worst. I parked the Jeep and we hurried inside. We found Miranda's mother in the waiting room. When I approached her, I saw that her face was streaked with tears. I sat beside her.

"Mrs. Quinn?" I said, gently.

No response.

"Sarah," I said, speaking her name. She looked at me. "Miranda? She is not . . . "

"She alive," she said and I let out the breath that I was holding. "However, she is critical," she went on. "She won't wake up. She has a concussion and a broken leg. She won't wake," she repeated. "The doctor said there is a slim chance that she will ever wake up."

I felt my heart began to pound. I could feel it pounding in my ears. I got up and started toward Miranda's room, but a nurse stopped me.

"I am sorry, Sir. Family only."

"It's okay," Sarah said, coming to my defense. "He is family."

The nurse gave me a knowing smile and let me pass. When I walked into the room, I thought I might turn and run back out. But I didn't. I took a deep breath and moved forward. It shocked me to see her lying there, so lifeless. Her leg was in a cast. There was a bandage on her forehead. I stood beside the bed for a moment and just looked at her. Even now, she was still so beautiful. I pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat, taking Miranda's hand into mine. I kissed the top of her hand.

"Miranda," I whispered. I did not know what to say. "Don't go," I pleaded. "I need you."

I sat by her side until a nurse came into the room and made me leave.

"I'll be back," I said to Miranda, kissing her lips gently.

When I walked back out to the waiting room, my friends were waiting for me.

"Hey," Billy greeted, cautiously.

"Hey." I looked around the waiting room. "Where is Sarah?"

"The doctor threatened to admit her if she didn't go home and get some rest," Dalton told me.

I just nodded.

"How is she?" Billy asked me.

I shook my head. "I don't know. It's strange, seeing her that way."

"She'll be okay," Devon assured me.

"I know," I said. "She'll be fine." It was more to convince myself than anyone else. "Come on. We should find Raven."

We found Raven's parents in the Family Waiting Room.

"Mrs. Jenkins?" I said. They stood up to greet us. "How is Raven?" I asked them.

"Oh, Lance " exclaimed Raven's mother, hugging me tightly.

"Hello, Lance," Mr. Jenkins greeted, calmly, when Mrs. Jenkins released me. "They said she was going to be fine."

"That's wonderful," said Dalton, who has always had a crush on Raven.

He nodded. "Yes. How is Miranda?"

I just shook my head. "I don't know."

For the next two weeks, I stayed by Miranda's side whenever I could. There was no change in her condition. It was Saturday and when I arrived at the hospital, Sarah was in the hallway. She ran to me.

"She's awake," she told me. "She has been asking for you."

I went into Miranda's room and my heart did a happy dance when I saw that she was awake. "Oh, thank God " I exclaimed. I hugged her to me and held onto her for so long. "I was so scared."

"I know," she said. "But it's okay. I'm okay now."

I pulled away and she smiled at me. Oh, I missed that beautiful smile

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Weak."

I looked into her eyes for a long moment. "I love you so much. I don't know what I would've done if . . . "

"Shh . . . "

I kissed her lips for the first time in what felt like months.

"I kept thinking about you," she told me. "I . . . I felt like I was trapped. I wanted to wake up, but I couldn't."

I smiled. "All I did was think about you."

"We were never really apart, were we?"

My smile widened. "No. I guess not."

Miranda's mother called me out into the hallway. The doctor was in the hallway.

"It is a very good sign that she is awake," he told us. "However, she is still not out of the woods yet."

"But she's awake," I reminded him. "She'll be okay now. Right?"

He looked at me for a long moment. "Let's hope so."

When I got home that evening, I saw that my parents had returned for their trip.

"Lance " my mother exclaimed when I walked in the front door.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hello, Son," said my father in his normally calm voice.

My mother hugged me gently and then pulled back and looked at me. "Lance, you don't look happy. What is the matter?"

I took a deep breath. "It's Miranda."

"Miranda Quinn?" my father asked.

I nodded. My parents exchanged glances and I quickly filled them in on what had happened while they were away. I finished by telling them about the accident.

"I am sorry, Son," my father said to me.

"We will say a prayer for her, Lance," my mother told me.

"Thanks, Mom."

"So," my father said. "You and Miranda have gotten close again, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I love her."

My mother smiled at me and my father patted me on the back.

Later at Billy's, I told the guys that Miranda was awake and what the doctor had said.

"She'll be okay now, won't she?" Dalton asked.

"Yeah," I said, trying to convince them as well as myself. "She was so happy. She was laughing and joking around. She will be out of there soon."

That was when the phone call came. My cellphone rang and I answered it.

"Hello?" I said into my phone. Silence greeted me. "Hello?"

"Hello," came a woman's voice. "Lance?"

"Yes."

"Um, this is Sarah," she told me. "I am calling you because, um . . . " she hesitated.

"Sarah?"

"It's Miranda, Lance. She's gone."

My breath caught. "Gone?"

My friends stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

"Miranda has passed away, Lance," she said. "It happened just a few minutes ago."

I felt my heart stop. Then it started to beat again, pounding so hard I thought I might have a heart attack.

"W--What?"

"She's gone. I am sorry."

I felt the blood drain from my face. "No," I said. "No. She was fine. She was awake. She was talking and laughing. What happened?" I demanded.

"I don't know. She just didn't wake up. I think . . . " her voice trailed away. "I think she was waiting for you. She really loved you, Lance."

I didn't reply. I dropped the phone and I stood still for a few minutes. My friends were staring at me.

"Lance?" Billy said.

"Are you okay?" Devon asked me.

I looked at them. "She's gone."

"What?" Dalton asked, getting to his feet.

"Miranda is . . . dead."

I guess that nobody knew what to say, because everyone just stood still, watching me. They must have been expecting a bigger reaction, but truthfully, I wasn't sure how I should have reacted.

"Are you all right?" Billy asked me.

I didn't answer him. I stood there until my legs gave out on me and I sat on the chair beside the phone. I sat there for a few minutes and then I got up and headed for the door.

"Lance," Billy spoke up, cautiously.

"I'm okay, Billy."

"But . . . "

"I'm fine," I insisted. "I just need to drive."

He looked at me for a moment. "Be careful."

I got into the jeep and pulled out of the driveway. I drove all night. It was near morning when I pulled into my own driveway. My mother was asleep on the couch when I walked in the door. I shook her gently. She sat up quickly when she realized it was me.

"Oh, thank goodness," she cried, standing up and hugging me. "Are you all right?"

I nodded. "I'm okay."

"Billy called earlier to check on you. He told me about Miranda. I am so sorry, Baby." I didn't say anything. "You should go to bed," she told me. "Get some rest."

She kissed my forehead and I went to my room and closed the door. I sat on my bed to take my shoes off and on my night stand was a picture of Miranda. I looked at it for a second and then I undressed and climbed in bed. I don't know how, but I managed to fall asleep quite easily.

I woke up the next morning to the aroma of my mother's cooking. I got up and got dressed and then made my way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Son," my father greeted me.

My mother gave me a bright smile. "How did you sleep, Honey?"

"Okay."

My father looked at me for a moment. "I'm sorry about Miranda," he said. "I cannot imagine what you're feeling. If it had been your mother . . . " his voice trailed away when I looked at him.

I had almost forgotten. Miranda was dead. I was never going to hold her or kiss her again. She was gone forever.

"I cannot imagine what Sarah must be going through," said my mother. "She is all alone in that big house now."

"She should be used to it," I said, dryly. "Miranda said her mother was never home. She hated to be alone."

I had lost my appetite. I excused myself from the table and walked outside. I sat on the porch swing and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Could you use some company?" I looked up and saw Billy, Devon, Ronnie and Dalton walking toward me.

I smiled. My faithful friends, I thought. "Sure," I said.

Billy sat on the swing next to me, while the others leaned on the porch railing in front of us.

"How are you?" Devon asked me.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I had almost forgotten," I told them. "I almost forgot that she was gone. Until my parents reminded me." Nobody said anything. "It doesn't seem real," I went on. "I keep feeling like I am in the middle of a nightmare, but I can't wake up. It's not fair."

"Life never is, Lance," Billy told me.

We heard a vehicle pull into the driveway. I looked up and saw Miranda's mother. I got up and went out into the driveway to greet her.

She gave me a gentle hug. "Hello, Lance." I just nodded, not sure how to respond. "Um," she said. "They gave this to me at the hospital. I thought you might like to have it."

She handed me the blue ring box that I had given to Miranda the night of the dance at the Civic Center. I looked at the box and then I looked at Sarah. I took the box from her hand.

"Thank you."

"Look, Lance, don't be a stranger, okay? That big house is extremely quiet now."

I nodded. "I won't. I promise."

"I am glad that Miranda found you," she said. "You made her very happy. Thank you for that."

"I still love her. I think I always will."

"Good," she said. "Love is the one thing that Death cannot take away from us." I just nodded. "So, um, I will see you at the funeral?"

I looked at the ground and then back up at her. "I don't know if I'll be there, Sarah. I don't know if I can."

She looked at me for a long moment and then nodded with understanding. "Well, I'll be seeing you."

She hugged me and then got into her car and drove away. I went back up onto the porch and sat down beside Billy. I looked down at the ring box in my hand but didn't open it. I couldn't.

Miranda's funeral was Wednesday. I forced myself to go, but I avoided the casket. I did not want to remember her that way. I was outside the funeral home, on the porch, when my mother found me.

"Come on, Baby," she said. "You need to say goodbye."

I shook my head. "No. I can't, Mom."

"Come on, Lance," Billy said, coming up behind me. "We'll go with you."

Billy put his arm around my shoulder and led me inside. He practically forced me to the front of the room. When we reached the casket, my breath caught. I am not sure what I was expecting. Maybe I was expecting a smile from her. That didn't happen. I just stared at her. My heart began to pound.

"Are you okay?" Billy asked, when he saw my face go white.

I breathed in, deeply. "It looks like she's sleeping."

"She is," he said. "In a way, she is."

"But she won't wake up, ever again." My heart was pounding harder and faster now. I was having trouble catching my breath.

"What's wrong?" Billy asked me, quickly.

I couldn't respond. My hand was clutching my chest and I wondered if I were having a heart attack.

"Guys " I heard Billy shout, and in a second, my friends were surrounding me.

"Let's get him some air," Devon suggested and they helped me outside.

I leaned over the railing, taking short, quick breaths.

"Lance?" Raven Jenkins was coming up the steps. "Lance, focus. Find something to focus on."

I looked at her. "What?" I said, between breaths.

"Trust me," she said.

I looked around, desperately looking for something to focus my attention on. My eyes rested on two kids that were playing in the gravel parking lot. After a few seconds, my heart slowed to normal and I could take deep breaths until my breathing was back to normal.

I straightened up and looked at Raven. "Thank you."

"What happened?" Ronnie asked me.

"Panic attack," Raven answered for me. She looked at me. "It happened to me the night my mother died."

"Thank you, Raven," I told her again.

She nodded and looked toward the entrance to the funeral home. "Care to try again?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Come on." She held out her hand. "We can lean on each other."

I looked at her for a moment and then she took my hand into hers and led me back inside. My friends followed. When we reached the casket, we didn't move. We just looked down at Miranda. She looked so peaceful. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring box that I had gotten back from Sarah. I took the ring out of the box and placed the box in the casket beside her. Then, I picked up Miranda's left hand and slid the ring back onto her finger. Raven looked at me.

I looked at her. "It was hers," I told her. "She should have it."

She just smiled at me.

Later at the cemetery, I stood still, staring at the casket. It wasn't until they began to lower the casket that it began to sink in. This was it. I couldn't take anymore. I turned and walked across the cemetery toward the Jeep. I got in and drove away before anyone could stop me. I needed to be by myself. Somehow I found myself at the river, standing at the edge of the dock.

"How could this be happening?" I asked, aloud, looking upward at the sky. "Why are you doing this to me?"

I did not receive an answer and got back into the Jeep and drove home.

My parents left for New York City early the next morning and I welcomed the silence. I was glad to be left alone. I went back to bed after that had left and it was noon when I woke up. I walked into the kitchen to find myself some food, but when I opened the refrigerator door, my eyes settled on my father's bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey. I eyed the bottle for a long moment, tempted. I had gotten drunk once before and regretted it.

I closed the refrigerator door and started away, only to turn back just as quickly. I opened the door again and, without hesitation, reached for the whiskey. I twisted off the cap and took a long drink, which burned my throat and chest, but it felt good. When I took a second drink, I felt my body relax. I tossed the cap into the sink and walked into the living room, where I sat in front of the television until the bottle was empty. I stumbled around the house, looking for more. When I didn't find anything, I picked up my car keys, intending to go find some. But when I walked out the door, Billy was walking up the sidewalk.

"Where are you going?" Billy asked me.

Silence. I couldn't remember where I was going. "Nowhere."

He stopped on the porch in front of me. He studied me. "Have you been drinking?"

"No " I exclaimed, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. "What makes you think that I've been drinking?"