All Comments on 'Passionate Encounter'

1. Editor

2. Editor

For me the game has just started and could end right here...But let's see where this is going...2* for now

No more.

Reading this was a chore with no up-side. I learned nothing about any of these characters that makes me want to care about this story. The reason for this is the 3rd-party narration style of this piece. It leads to a dry "just the facts" narrative with no emotional draw to it.

There might be a good plot and storyline here, but in this style I could not care about it. This story would be best served by a do-over written from a series of first-person sections told from each characters' viewpoints. ...and let their dialogue reveal their circumstances as much as reasonably possible. Tease us readers with unanswered questions about things a bit.

My previous first reaction should have read "no more...at least not done like this one was". I did not mean to come across as trying to disuade another writer from writing at all! ...that was and is not my intent.

i do stand by the rest of what i said previoisly.

If I take the time to read a writers work I am bound by un-written rules to comment and to vote.

Nothing in your manner of unfolding the back story here made it a compelling read. After reading I felt, for lack of a more inspired translation, like, "who cares." I must enjoy something about a character even if that is a negative response such as, "that chick is lost."

Thanks everyone for reading and voting. Thanks pam and others for your feedback. I am sorry as some of you are really disappointed with the narration. I will work on all your feedback and will give my 100% to make part 2 more appealing to all of you. You guys are really helping me out, please keep these comments coming in.

Don't give up but look for an editor. I gave up half way through as I couldn't take any more mistakes and grammatical errors etc.

You do need a bit of help to get your ideas 'painted' out.

I didn't vote simply because I don't want to undermine your initial attempt.

You definitely need an editor. Too many errors spoils any story and there are a lot for such a short piece. I wouldn't read a longer story the way this is written.

The comment about the third person viewpoint is also valid. It takes the emotion out of the story and makes it a narration. I honestly can't think of one that I've ever really liked when written like that.

I think you're trying to set a scenario but honestly who would care about these people or their marriages given how little we know about them.

Honestly, I'd rip it up and start over! Anyone reading chapt 1 would not stay for 2 or more.

I really need to get that word out of my vocabulary. :-)

Definitely overused!

Why are Ed and Bella even married? They seem to have nothing in common. Ed is supposed to be an executive of some sort but has no friends and is a 'normal working man'. Why did Ed and Nadia leave the club, there is no clear explanation?

a story at all.

What is she innocent of? Being in a really bad semi story?