All Comments on 'Pawn Among Wolves Ch. 17'

Worth the wait. Thank you SO much for this story!!

You're going to make us dig through the whole story to stop him, aren't you?

Danm good story, beautiful ending. Its hard to let a story go, but this was done well.

This is a great fantasy story that builds up nicely, and Mac is one of the best leading men (wolves lol) on this site. Here's some advice if you plan to rework this for publication:

1) gemma's character is extremely annoying for the first half of the story. Her internal monologue and simpering "oh Mac!" (swoon) is grating, and she doesn't seem to have a personality other than melting for Mac 24/7.

2) there are a lot of silly ethnic caricatures in the story. The Indian girl is "jasmine" (as in Alladin :) and she keeps being referred to as the "indian" wolf. Why isn't Gemma then the "American wereem"? You see my point. Please note that jasmine (Yasmine) and Karim are not particularly Indian names, more middle eastern Arabic names , so you might be getting your "orientals" mixed up. On that tip, why is the warmongering, ruthless general Chinese? Again that's a silly stereotype. Ironically it was the Americans who used chemical weapons on the japanese/Asians in world war 2.

3) loose ends need to be tied up better- karim for example was doing terribly when we last heard of him but u guess he recovered? he doesn't need a storyline, just work it in somewhere tha he recovered. And whatever happened to gemma's kid moredeurs ? Etc

4) too many characters are introduced once the whites and gems come in. Hard to keep track.

5) gemma's rages... I don't think the story really carries the thread of how she conquers them ... It's important to really clear that up in the narrative arc, especially since we were told it was all consuming and hopeless for weres to survive that.

6) would be nice for Gemma and Mac to restablish their physical/sexual bond towards the end. The first half of the story is too dominated by that, while the second not enough.

7) I like the idea of ulf/twin but it's not plausible as it is, esp. If Gemma is so deeply connected /bonded to Mac's mind.

8) the Andrew/ gemma's family just being chill with that also not plausible at all, and to me that storyline adds nothing. I would drop it.

Hope this helps and best of luck- you're very talented.

One of the best stories on this site. I would really have liked some sex towards the end. If you expand on the fighting a bit, you can easily end this chapter before the trial then have a similar length chapter describing a fulfilling reunion. Sure they "won", but we did not get to read about the fruits of that victory. Being able to enjoy that is one of the nice things about these stories that remove the fade to black. Compare your last chapter to the last chapter of "taken by the wind" for example. I am sorry if this sounds like a lot of criticism, I did truly enjoy the story a whole lot.

I hope to read more about Gemma and Mac, though understand that you probably feel like you are done with them. I always thought it was curious he was called Mac and not Ulf...

Thanks to both Anons for the so helpful comments. Esp. re the ending, which is lacking, and what it's lacking is them getting back together - may have a think and revisit this at some point.

And no, JPZ007, making you read it all again wasn't my cunning plan ;-)

For finishing this wonderful story personally I am ok with the fact that they just won the final battle. I would have loved a bit on the wedding. I do agree that Gemma needs to be less winey in the first half of the story. I will have to read the story again so that I can truly see the full flow of the story. Thank you for finishing it I know you faced some major challenges with it. One last thing did Gemma get her teeth fixed?

I've been following this story from the beginning, and it evolved into something way different than "just another sex story". The plots, the characters, the descriptions...I hope this could turn into a book or even a series of them. It was such a pleasure to follow this story, I wish you good luck in the future. :)

Followed from the beginning. Most unique shifter story I've ever read. Really well done. If you decide to publish it could use some streamlining and editing but please consider it. I would buy it!

This was worth the wait.

It was Ulf just after Jasmine's natal was taken, wasn't it? That's why he was so distant with Gemma.

I have to say this is one of my favorite Lit stories!! I can't wait to see what you come up with next!!! Hopefully something more with Mac and Gem!!

If you do get it printed, it's going to be a very thick book! I'd still buy it! It's well written, even though at points, it's a little slow!

I cannot believe that its finally done. I want to read more about thier life during the five year exile. I also want to learn more about baby wolves -if ever. Anyways, this book has been a wonderful experience to read and I'll be waiting for more of ypur future books.

You should definitely lean towards publication ! If you do please make a Facebook page so I can keep up with it ^~^

This was a very interesting story, I enjoyed it very much and hope that you continue with the 5 year exile!

I first found this story when it was less than 10 chapters long and immediately fell in love with the characters and the plot. I now return to see the story finished and I read it in full, twice. Major reading binge. The re-reading was done mainly because as you've mentioned in your own author's notes, there were suddenly a lot of threads to tie in, but I also felt the need to re-read it simply to overcome the feeling of 'Oh no, why does it have to end??'

I realise that great stories must have an ending but parting with the characters is bittersweet.

I would love to read a sequel or sidestory of this.

On the characters and setting:

Mac is an incredibly well-written male lead and it is primarily through him that the readers (and Gemma) are first introduced to the dazzling world of the wolves. The long-suffering, brooding hero but with such a nuanced personality. He is an excellent tease given how often he feels compelled to conceal things and he is not always Mr Perfect. His flaws are refreshing and add depth. The wolf lore is mouth wateringly well-written.

Gemma is adorable. Absolutely adorable in my mind. Her lovingly given nickname is so sweet and as she turns into a wereem she only becomes more cute. What I especially like about her is that she is not the stereotypical bimbo heroine. Right from the start she has a vital purpose to the plot and her resourcefulness is well-explained and makes her a most impressive underdog (pun intended) struggling against overwhelming odds. I love that she is a bit older than the typical supernatural romance maiden, highly educated and sexually untried at first. I notice some readers find her annoying in the first half of the story because she is too ruled by her urges, but honestly there are greater sins than writing a wanton female character on a site for erotic literature. At least her urges can easily be explained by the werewolf infection. I find it delightful that the reader gets such a constant, lecherous, pornographic insight into her physical and mental state. I do wish to echo some of the comments inquiring about her teeth. I was so moved by the simple hurt and humiliation of enslaved sjeste having their teeth filed and then it happened to poor Gemma, but we never got to find out if she recovered from this.

The other characters are all well-written. Nick and the Louse make for a perfectly evil villainous duo and while their evil is at times almost comical, I don't find that this detracts from their value as antagonists. They are both bitterly hideous, terrifying sexual predators who take immense pleasure in hunting and subjegating Gemma, and even more than Tzo, they stand out as the primary threat to the loving couple, whereas Tzo is more of a threat to the entire world (both human and wolf). As Gemma grows stronger and realises in the end how feeble the two villains are once deprived of their ill-gotten borrowed power, I felt she was utterly vindicated by the swift execution of both Nick and the Louse.

Some of the side characters I sympathize with are the women who are successfully captured and violated by the evil duo. I realise the story can quickly take a very dark turn by going into too much detail regarding their suffering, but personally I would have prefered if characters like Ada, Natasha and the human slaves got a bit more screen time, so to speak. I find it very sweet how the story seems to conclude with the budding romance between Ada and Adam. Was it on purpose that their names turned out to be only one letter removed from one another? Either way, it is funny how they mirror the roles of Mac and Gemma but reversed. Male wolf/female were - Male were/female wolf. I would love to read a bit more about where they were headed together along with Mac and Gemma.

Sorry for the wall of text but I just wanted to gush over this story.

I LOVED this story, am so sad that is finnished though!

Keep up the awesome work!

.....you establish early on that wolves are most often born in pairs. It fit right in with me and even resonated with me as once I dated an identical twin who, like Mac, did not tell me. I felt that same sense of shock upon seeing this look alike acting completely unlike "my" twin.

I first found this story a few days after you posted the first chapter. I decided to ignore the subsequent installments waiting until it was finished. Obviously, I missed that you had posted the final chapter last year, so what brought me back to this story was the extended scene. Boy am I glad I noticed that posting so that I could jump into this story from the beginning and read until the very end!

When I posted my first comment on your first chapter I complimented you on the inner dialogue. That remained excellent through out the story.

I've read other comments on this final chapter and some I agree with, some I do not. Ever the contrarian, I did not find Gemma annoying during the first half of the story. You wrote something when she was very first turned into a werewolf that she was extremely taken with how the colors were brighter, the scents richer and nuanced, the textures felt more keenly. When she was sitting in the hill watching the newly freed parents gathering their cubs you wrote something about her attention span being taken in different directions but she was very clumsy as her wolf self and morphing back to a human would have left her naked so she remained in place even though she wanted to explore. Because of this I attributed her indefatigable libido as yet another heightened sense. Now that she could smell her own arousal and the richer scents of Mac's arousal her body was constantly in a state of sexual arousal, sexual response, more arousal, more response. Therefor, I think you've laid the ground work for her attention deficit disorder and libido, but maybe a sentence here and there reminding readers experiencing the world through wolf senses would take a long time for her to learn to regulate her response pattern. Even though Mac tells her this a few times, perhaps people missed it.

I would have liked some sort of explanation about Macs age and the time periods when past events happened in relation to Mac. Didn't need to know ancient history time period but it was confusing, to me, if Mac was 50, 125... He had degrees so his college days must have been relatively recent but when was he married and how old was he when he and his twin decided to switch places.

Speaking of the twin thing, I will have to go back and retread the last two chapters but I was very confused about how she got from being on the stage being whipped to how she got down below in some corridor with Mac standing in front of her.

I think the action/fight scenes were well done and I could mostly follow them. However, at times the seizeless cutting and slashing of endless ranks of warriors got to be too much. Trying to picture a pile of amputated limbs and piles of dead bodies and gallons and gallons of blood splattered, it made me wonder how Gemma wasn't vomiting.

Finally, Mac...perfect. Liked him and thought him the perfect combination of flawed perfection. You really did an excellent job bringing in various small characters here and there to advance the story. We don't always have to have every character's arc explained. Although at the end I did wonder what happened to Samuel, and I did wonder what was going on with Adam while the major battles were happening. Maybe I missed it, but I assumed he was with Ada spying on the Tzo.

I completely disagree with the person who seemed to take offense about making the Chinese the bad Tzo invaders. China has become one of the worst polluted countries in the world and the outcry of their own people about the loss of land to make way for the Three Rivers Damn, while the US is just as guilty of the use of eminent domain, is loud and relatively recent. Granted, you could have made them Mexican because Mexico City is number one in polluted atmosphere, but that wouldn't have fit too well with the involvement of so many different cultures you were trying to attribute to the various packs.

In conclusion, you rock!

Enjoyed every minute of it, can't wait to see what else you come up with over time

I loved every single, and expanded, moment of this story! I can't wait to see what you might get them up to in the future. I mean you did kind of leave us hanging on whether Gem and Mac get to have children, and then there is the five year expulsion from the packs that he held. There is the Adam business that needs to have its own story and then we just have to know more of what Mac does in Europe! I love your stories and the way you write, please keep writing!!!

I loved this story and the characters were so well written. Even the wolf dialect. and the way Mac felt about his picchu: Heart melting, action packed and sexy says the LitRot Post. Lol. No truly a great story. Thank you for giving it to us!

Eat, sleep, read 'Pawn Among Wolves'. What a wonderful week it was!

Wow! WOw!! WOW!!! I 🙇‍♀️ Bow to you Oh Great Alfamme!!! Identical TWINS!!! I was Shocked, Excited, Jubilant, Suspicious, I went back Several Times And I was Right There With Gemma being upset! So Many Questions! When DID Ulf appear!?! Was it when he was stand offish!?! I’m going to reread it but I need a lil break so I’ll Be Back! The death rain scene O!M!G!! Who were the Human woman and Man and Female Male wolfs who stood up and said they couldn’t believe he’d Used it!?! My Heart Broke!!! Why kill Rupert!?! Dear, Sneaky, Lovable Rupert! And only OND DAY with a grandparent it sounds like he’d NEVER MET!!! Oh you’re a GREAT story teller! The way your mind works...just WOW!!! I’m gonna go read the extended scene now I Hope it’s Long!!! Sorry to see it end But 🤷‍♀️

Finally I can get my life back. Phew! Riveting, well written, thank you so much.

I have never commented on a story in the many years I have been on this site. This is such an incredible story and I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it! I absolutely love Mac and Gemma!! Thank you so so much for sharing this with us.

Absolutely loved this story! Might be my favorite werewolf story on Literotica! Keep on writing please!!

Carol G