All Comments on 'Payback Ch. 04'

When we finally reached the 'payback' I was properly horrified.

Having two stories playing simultaneously with the final outcome of the earlier story known, but not yet fully known, is a tough play for an author to pull off. It works here. Ciaran is a most patient and generous man, and Helen is much the same, just getting the necessary things done as best she can with love and patience. Original plot, distinctly Australian, and well done.

Once again a truly origonal story. As I think I commented on before I particularly liked the way you walked the reader through the obvious issues within Aus society and it’s treatment of indigenous people. A thorny problem thoughtfully portrayed. 5 *

This was a gritty tale told in two time streams that were linked, not only by the narration, but within the later story there were flashes and hints and living with the consequences from the first stream, helping to keep the interest going. I liked the way the characters are “normal” too, in that they are ordinary, even ugly, fat, selfish, lazy, indecisive people, unlike most tales on here that would have you believe the main characters are Adonis and Aphrodite clones. I thought that tying in the racial attitudes between white and aboriginal added a further edge to the interest, partly due to the prejudice and otherwise on both sides of what still exists as a divide even as our communities become more enlightened, plus the old tribal attitudes persisting in the older generation that lead to the payback. At the end we are left with the conviction that Helen has come through this drama with a positive future ahead of her. Very well done to make such a complicated weave work and entertain from start to finish.

Great piece of writing and great tangle of life. Loved it.

Great writing, and what a great tale to tell, hinting at the intricacies and resentments of the stolen generations of the past.

Complex, with the two time periods woven in, and thus covering a twenty-odd year period in Helen's life. Superbly done.

And, despite my qualms all the way through, there was a happy ending.

Lue

The dual timeline must have been tricky to compose. It served to maintain an uncomfortable and very compelling tension all the way through. By alluding to the deaths of Angus, Raf and Beau in the later storyline, you successfully cast a sadness over the first story. It was especially poignant because Angus was such a sweet soul, and because Raf was finally growing into a meaningful and better adjusted existence. Anticipating their deaths was gut clenching.

And of course, Helen was the ultimate nurturing mother with a heart of gold and an unmitigated and abiding love for Angus, who bore the full weight of a tragedy she didn't deserve.

I know that Helen's guilt and self-loathing caused by her infidelity was manifested in her self-punishing promiscuity, but I'm glad Angus never learned of it. A bit of left-handed mercy, I guess.

Flawed characters with warts and pimples and scars and pain persevering through to realize a measure of hard earned and deserved happiness and contentment. Of course, that's real life.

The ethnic cultural clash issues so central to this story are, of course universal, and analogous to racial tensions in the USA. Your depiction of racism as a pervasive flaw of human character that exists in equal measure on both sides of division lines is astute.

Thank you for a fine story.

Ausfet tackles racism, infidelity, and pre-meditated murder in four pages! Powerful stuff!

Held my comments until I read the whole thing. Wow, this may be one of the most powerful stories on Lit. It basically had every emotion known to man. Very well done emotional story. Five Stars, and thank you for it.