All Comments on 'Payback's a Bitch'

Writing is a real bitch - especially when you have to keep track of what you wrote five paragraphs ago - like when your protaganist ripped the blouse off, or where he stuck the vibrating dildo. Ray rips the blouse off twice (Ooops) then he confuses the hell out of his victim by shoving the dildo into her pussy,while instructing her to keep it in her ass. If this were a movie, we'd call this a continuity problem - consecutive scenes not matching up in details. As a writer is assumed to bein control of his details, what we appear to have here is a fucked-up-head problem. You shouldn't try to write when you're drunk, high, or on a mind altering substance. In fact, YOU probably shouldn't try to write at all! The plot is confused, the characters stink, the "old Jamaican woman" comes out of nowhere, without explanation, Ray's transformation is a cliche' and the conclusion is a weak, lame cop-out.

You had a good story going then you got high or something and screwed it up. What a damn waste!!!!!!!

It was some what entertaining but felt rushed. More details, better structure and this could be turned into something good.

It starts off well then jumps to Jamacan women, complete sex change, abduction, rape... how is some shemale who was just cut getting things jammed into her vag hours later.

Some more realism and this could be hot. Thanks for sharing.

It really sucked.